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\n Managing a full December calendar and a long list of to-dos can quickly take you from festive to frazzled if you’re trying to make everything picture-perfect, Instagrammable and a core memory. \u2060Niro Feliciano, a psychotherapist and author of All is Calmish: How to Feel Less Frantic and More Festive During the Holidays, shares advice on reducing stress and increasing joy this season.<\/p>\n
Julia Neroznak\/Getty Images<\/p>\n
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Julia Neroznak\/Getty Images<\/p>\n
For most of her adult life, Niro Feliciano<\/a>‘s checklist for the holidays looked like this: Host the family gathering, write greeting cards, shop for gifts, decorate and peel carrots for Santa’s reindeer \u2014 all while raising four kids and going to work every day.<\/p>\n All the effort to make things perfect for her family left Feliciano feeling frantic and disconnected when the holidays finally arrived.<\/p>\n One Christmas morning, she says she was so tired from preparing the night before that she could barely stay awake while her children opened their presents. “I remember thinking: I’m not here. I’m missing this.”<\/p>\n That realization spurred Feliciano, a psychotherapist, to write a book on how to stay present during the holidays: All is Calmish: How to Feel Less Frantic and More Festive During the Holidays<\/a>. Published in November, it offers practical tips and prompts to zap stress and foster deeper connections this time of year.<\/p>\n Many of them don’t require anything more than a small shift in the way you view the holidays. She shared a few in a recent interview with Life Kit.<\/p>\n \n Niro Feliciano is a psychotherapist and the author of All is Calmish: How to Feel Less Frantic and More Festive During the Holidays.<\/p>\n Left: Broadleaf Books; Right: Rachel Henderson\/47 Moments<\/p>\n hide caption\n <\/p>\n toggle caption<\/p>\n Left: Broadleaf Books; Right: Rachel Henderson\/47 Moments<\/p>\n Pick three moments you want to be present for. <\/p>\n You probably won’t have the time and attention for everything on your to-do list, so shorten it down to the moments that matter to you most. <\/p>\n “Maybe it is Christmas morning or dinner with the family or the concert that you’re attending,” Feliciano says. At that moment, show up as much as you can.<\/p>\n Change your perspective. <\/p>\n Instead of naming all the things you have to do this season, name what you get to do, Feliciano says. For example: I get to make holiday cards, I get to hang out with my whole family. <\/p>\n Shifting how we perceive these activities can turn them from obligations into privileges. That can take some of the pressure off too.<\/p>\n Remember, everything is optional. <\/p>\n While it may feel like you have to do every tradition on your list, you actually don’t, Feliciano says. If it’s not bringing you joy, let it go. <\/p>\n So if you’ve been dragging your feet about sending out holiday cards, give yourself the permission to “do things a little differently this year,” she says. Then focus your energy on other activities that do excite you.<\/p>\n Evaluate expectations. <\/p>\n Think about the expectations or beliefs you have for yourself and your family during the holidays. If you’re often left with a feeling of disappointment, maybe it’s time to “revisit those expectations so they’re more realistic,” Feliciano says.<\/p>\n For example: If you feel cranky every year because family time is never as peaceful as you want, remember that some discord is likely with so many people under one roof.<\/p>\n A little bit of stress “is normal when families spend an extended amount of time together,” Feliciano says. “There will still be moments that are joyful.”<\/p>\n The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib, with art direction by Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at\u00a0LifeKit@npr.org<\/a>.<\/p>\n Listen to Life Kit on\u00a0Apple Podcasts<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0Spotify<\/a>, and sign up for our\u00a0newsletter<\/a>. Follow us on Instagram:\u00a0@nprlifekit<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
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