saying that he will definitely look into it<\/a>. This then becomes England Investigate Noosa Trip, another headline, another beat in the story, more smoke even if there is no more fire (and there may well be some of that). It is unfair in many ways. Key is a non-drinker. He made it clear he doesn\u2019t think athletes should be boozing. So \u2026 How did they … Who decided that \u2026 Who exactly is the daddy here? More slackness. More winging it. In the end it will come sweating out through the pores.<\/p>\n\u201cI thought Brendon was right talking about over-preparing. I\u2019m not sure over-preparing was the right term. We just did the same thing over and over again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor every one single thing that goes wrong, a hundred things go right.\u201d Ian Faith, tour manager Spinal Tap.<\/p>\n
There was resolute backing for Brendon McCullum. Key was adamant McCullum can\u2019t be held responsible for players seeming ill-prepared for the conditions. He maintained that only paying attention to the \u201ctop two inches\u201d is enough on the most exacting mission any of these players will undertake.<\/p>\n
What does this mean? Key hired and empowered McCullum. Are we finding out that the two come and go as a pair? Does unflinching support mean they grow ever harder and costlier to sack? More simply, the highs and lows of the last two exciting years will be Key\u2019s legacy in whatever comes next. Best to take a line now and hold it.<\/p>\n
\u201cI still think that\u2019s right. I think [Michael] Neser gave us a lesson in how to run in and slam the wicket hard. You know, they\u2019re hitting the bat hard. They might be 82-83mph on the speed gun. But they\u2019re hitting the bat harder than that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ve got armadillos in our trousers. I mean, it\u2019s really quite frightening. And they run screaming.\u201d David St Hubbins, lead singer Spinal Tap.<\/p>\n
Key was most defiant on the question of whether he was right to say there was no place for medium-paced bowling in the Ashes, the need to junk all that county powder puff stuff, a statement that was extracted and cut next to Neser and Scott Boland bowling England out with Alex Carey up to the stumps.<\/p>\n
Rob Key and Brendon McCullum at Adelaide Oval before the third Test, which England had to win to keep their Ashes hopes alive. Photograph: Robbie Stephenson\/PA<\/p>\n
He pointed out that what he actually said was 75mph bowling, the floatier stuff you do see in the championship. He made the point Neser and Boland are actually, well, terrifying when they do this: pitch-hitting, glove-pounding, crease-attacking demons.<\/p>\n
It was telling in two ways. Key was across the detail here. He had scrolled Insta and X. He\u2019s online. He\u2019s a media man. And to be fair it would have made a good segment. Rattled Key hits back. MD lashes haters. He may not know when it rains in New Zealand. But he does know this stuff.<\/p>\n
\u201cI looked at the huddle first day at Lord\u2019s and you look around and there\u2019s 38 people.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHundreds of years before the dawn of history lived an ancient race of people. The Druids. No one knows who they were. Or what they were doing.\u201d Stonehenge, Spinal Tap.<\/p>\n
There were questions about the scarcity of specialist skills coaches on tour. Key pointed out that stripping back and taking away the noise was consistent with the project. He also admitted England were probably a bit too stripped back in the end. And buried in the filibuster, peeping out like rabbits in the treeline, there were some genuine admissions of fault.<\/p>\n
\u201cHave we got the most out of the players that we\u2019ve got? And there\u2019s no question for me. I don\u2019t think we have.\u201d \u201cDid we give them the best chance to succeed in Perth? The players we had, we haven\u2019t helped them get to their best, and that\u2019s on us as a set-up.\u201d There was also perspective, too much perspective perhaps, from someone who knows both how \u201cbloody tough\u201d Ashes cricket can be and how \u201cbloody good\u201d this Australian team is.<\/p>\n
In the end none of this is really Key\u2019s doing. He is here to broadcast, to embody the limits of the system that appointed him, a non-details man supported by another non-details man, to manage a highly detailed performance environment, and then thought that would be enough.<\/p>\n
It is also wrong to suggest Key doesn\u2019t care about county cricket. He does, however, know its failings, and clearly feels disempowered to do anything about them. He talked about \u201cvaluing cricketers that had been undervalued for a while\u201d. \u201cThere is talent in our game, and our job as an England men\u2019s setup is to bring that in and make sure it can develop.\u201d<\/p>\n
By the end the thought occurred that Rob Key would perhaps be the ideal person to conduct the inevitable review into Rob Key\u2019s England. Not so much on detail or solutions or critiquing the system, but themes and thoughts, interestingly expressed. Join us again after the four-year break. Same basement. Similar script.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\u201cIt\u2019s such a fine line between stupid and clever.\u201d David St Hubbins, lead vocalist Spinal Tap. \u201cThere\u2019s a…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":366837,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[564],"tags":[64,63,740,85],"class_list":{"0":"post-366836","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-cricket","8":"tag-au","9":"tag-australia","10":"tag-cricket","11":"tag-sports"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/366836","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=366836"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/366836\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/366837"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=366836"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=366836"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=366836"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}