I am in the estimated 0.8 per cent of people who are called a \u201ctotal aphant\u201d, which describes the absence of all voluntary mental imagery but also the inner smell, taste, touch and hearing. My internal screen is a grainy, grey blank, probably just the back of my eyelids. <\/p>\n
At night, if I wake up, I have never resorted to counting sheep, as people may tell you to do, because I never understood how that would help or really even what that meant. It didn\u2019t occur to me that people would actually picture sheep. Instead I recite simple rhymes until I bore myself back to sleep.<\/p>\n
I spoke to my brother Tom to see if he recognised this sensory trait. Could he picture an apple? \u201cWhich type do you want?\u201d he said. \u201cBramley, golden delicious, pink lady, jazz \u2026 They\u2019re all lined up.\u201d<\/p>\n
Should I be embarrassed? Is this a shortcoming? Full of questions, I googled and YouTubed, I talked and I read, but it was the reactions of friends that made me realise I must have a profoundly different way of experiencing the world. Not an embarrassing shortcoming, but a substantial divergence.<\/p>\n
Everything began to make more sense. I realised that when people would say things like \u201cpicture this\u201d, I had interpreted these phrases as only figures of speech in my mind-blind world. I had never understood there could be an option to conjure a vision. <\/p>\n
To me, being able to visualise anything seems like a magic trick. People can randomly draw on pictorial memories while I cannot evoke in my mind what my three children look like, my favourite views or even the room I\u2019m sitting in.<\/p>\n
As I began to accept and understand, I recognised a significant upside: total aphantasia began to explain me to myself. I struggle in certain areas: difficulty with recognising and placing people; general poor recall and scant detail when remembering events or telling stories.<\/p>\n
Ask me about my wedding and I\u2019ll give you a list. I know it was a wonderful day and broadly how it rolled but I can\u2019t delve into details and only remember it through factual memories. A film-maker friend gave us a video of our day, meaning I\u2019m reminded of many details I might otherwise have forgotten, such as the beautiful lace sewn onto my dress.<\/p>\n
![\"Photographer](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/\/e0fd6d1a-9913-4af0-8cfb-eaf7b830b828.jpg\")
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Challis on her wedding day<\/p>\n
When I\u2019m reading a novel, I take on board descriptions, plot, characters, tension and more but don\u2019t create internal scenes or have a sensory iteration inspired by the writing. Many people with aphantasia prefer reading non-fiction or less descriptive writing, but I still love a good page-turner.<\/p>\n
I find unexpected, even undue joy in repeated, mundane actions. Take my pleasure in seeing the view outside my front door. While I \u201cknow\u201d it\u2019s there, I can\u2019t anticipate it before stepping outside, making it a daily delight when I do. Looking at the flagstone path bordered by plants and leading me out to the day ahead is surprisingly refreshing, every time.<\/p>\n
My sole access to pictorial memories comes from photography. Capturing life on camera and referring to the images has always been an essential part of who I am. I started taking photographs about forty years ago and still have the Olympus OM2 camera I used then, given to me by my father.<\/p>\n
Since learning about aphantasia, I\u2019ve realised that my need to take photographs \u2014 and my enjoyment of doing so all these years \u2014 is probably informed, partly at least, by my neurological blind spot.<\/p>\n
Through my eyes, \u201cre-seeing\u201d every day, my gaze sweeps left to right, back and forth. It\u2019s not that I spend my days hunting for a photograph, but being in the moment, entirely present, I have an alert eye for opportunity. Visual drama is all around.<\/p>\n
Nothing outside my line of sight exists. Even my legs don\u2019t feature if I don\u2019t look down. (It transpires I have endless photos of my feet and legs!) Subconsciously I have pictorially placed myself into my past as though to remind me I was there. The images won\u2019t provoke me to re-experience those moments but they do prove they happened.<\/p>\n
On seeing any scene or subject that I would like to capture with my camera, I can feel a real urgency. The opportunity may slip away just like I think the memory might, and then it\u2019ll be lost for good.<\/p>\n
Facial recognition can be very difficult for people with aphantasia, and maybe this is a reason I particularly enjoy portraiture photography. I\u2019m very empathetic and sensitive to people\u2019s energy and vibes. My ability to connect in this way helps me draw out my sitters so they relax and project their personality.<\/p>\n
I took the plunge last year and entered work into two competitions. Since then my photographs have been shortlisted for the Royal Academy\u2019s summer exhibition (2025) and the Taylor Wessing photo portrait prize, held at the National Portrait Gallery (in both 2024 and 2025). <\/p>\n
![\"Portrait](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/\/02ca023a-24e8-496b-8030-4bd41159ecf2.jpg\")
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Remember Us, a portrait of Peter shortlisted for The Taylor Wessing prize<\/p>\n
HARRIET CHALLIS<\/p>\n
My photograph Al, Dorothy & Doll \u2014 Al is my octogenarian jazz-playing friend and Dorothy is his 95-year-old mother-in-law \u2014 has been shortlisted for the British Journal of Photography\u2019s Portrait of Britain. The winners will be announced next month.<\/p>\n
![\"Hands,](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/\/6048c84c-8260-4441-8a45-bcb6248fe912.jpg\")
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Hands, Shoes, Clarinet shortlisted for Portrait of Britain<\/p>\n
HARRIET CHALLIS<\/p>\n
![\"Dorothy,](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/\/618f923f-1ad2-4a40-80ba-d4544b518f82.jpg\")
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Al, Dorothy & Doll, shortlisted for Portrait of Britain<\/p>\n
HARRIET CHALLIS<\/p>\n
When I understood that most people visualise and I can\u2019t, I thought I\u2019d missed out on a superpower and it floored me. Now I feel that a gift may lie in the fact that I can\u2019t visualise. Perhaps this neurological quirk has contributed to my second career as a photographer. <\/p>\n