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\n Kenny gets a truly wild villain edit thanks to his ambivalence toward foster dog Juan.
\n Photo: Peacock\n <\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been thinking a lot about Occam\u2019s Razor. Sure, I watched the bonkers 1997 film Contact in which Jodie Foster and Matthew McConaughey (wild casting, zero chemistry) manage to repeat and define the phrase multiple times. But the notion also applies to this episode of reality television. Sometimes, when presented with competing potential explanations, the simplest one is the most likely to be correct. So yes, my theory is that they recut this episode (and maybe even the rest of the season, TBD) to better fit Kenny and JaNa\u2019s real-time narrative<\/a>.<\/p>\n I think we\u2019re about to go from the originally planned \u201cextended but mostly harmless tiffs about co-habitation and dog parenthood\u201d to \u201csizzle reel of Kenny repeatedly looking like he is nothing but a red flag in human clothing.\u201d The episode starts with the tiniest seeds of this \u2014 Kenny wondering what will happen if he forgets to feed their incoming foster dog since he\u2019s never had an animal before. When he and JaNa call up Leah and Miguel for advice, they\u2019re basically like, \u201cUh, you\u2019re a grown man? You wouldn\u2019t forget leg day, so you should be able to handle pouring kibble in a bowl while you\u2019re chugging pre-workout and doing that twice-hourly check of your follower count across platforms.\u201d They don\u2019t actually say this, but it\u2019s the energy.<\/p>\n Over in cutie-sweetie world, Serena and Kordell take a cooking class with chef Marita. After they salt rib eye and learn about the viscosity of olive oil, Serena talks about how she wakes up every single day with an anxiety attack and it\u2019s going to be hard to \u201craw dog it\u201d while Kordell is gone. The whole thing is a reminder that (1) time isn\u2019t real on reality TV as Kordell has been \u201cabout to leave\u201d for four episodes now, and (2) social media remains wretched for preexisting mental-health issues! More on that in a minute, though.<\/p>\n In cutie-sweetie world No. 2, Miguel and Leah eat takeout from what looks like Erewhon. Like JaNa and Kenny, they also discuss dog fostering. Does Miguel complain about Leah\u2019s interest in animals (which is, like, 10,000x JaNa\u2019s)? NO. He says, \u201cThe beauty of fostering is nurturing, taking care, and building them back up.\u201d Then he goes on to reassure Leah about her cancer scare with things like, \u201cI respect and commend you\u201d and \u201cYou\u2019re so strong\u201d and \u201cYour happiness is my happiness,\u201d and I\u2019d call bullshit on even one of these things if this bro didn\u2019t seem so genuine. Perhaps I am falling for it! But I just can\u2019t see Miguel blabbing about how much he loves Katy Perry, and female intuition exists for a reason.<\/p>\n For a perfect example of this, we get to meet Kendall\u2019s sister. Her name is Taylor, and from the first frame, it is apparent she is cooler than him by orders of magnitude. When Kendall chatters on about how he never thought he\u2019d move here, instead heading to San Diego to raise a family, Taylor calls him immediately on not having a girlfriend and asks what the fuck\u2019s going on in San Diego. I\u2019ll tell you what: 50 percent people like Kendall and 50 percent a\u00e7ai shops. That\u2019s it. He keeps going on and on about his (I\u2019m not gonna say \u201cfake\u201d but um, \u201cforced?\u201d) date with Alanah, and how he\u2019s worried about rushing into something. Taylor\u2019s just like, \u201cYou\u2019re not gonna move too fast because you don\u2019t move at all.\u201d Um, please move this woman to the main cast. We don\u2019t need Connor, who only exists to bring other cast members together to gossip, like a sentient nail salon.<\/p>\n We are then treated to a fascinating little glimpse into the workings of the L.A. influencer sausage factory. Liv and Kendall go see Marki Costello, hosting coach. Liv \u201chasn\u2019t known what kind of avenue\u201d she wanted to do since being out here. The idea of moving to L.A. and choosing a job like you\u2019re playing MASH is truly nutty stuff. Kendall, meanwhile, is trying to \u201cdiversify his content\u201d and also wants everyone to know he got a degree in broadcasting. Marki makes both of them read off a teleprompter, saying things like \u201cWelcome to Vibe Check!\u201d and \u201cThat queen Beyonc\u00e9 sure dropped a country album!\u201d She then roasts them when they\u2019re predictably bad at it. \u201cPersonality, not physicality,\u201d KENDALL.<\/p>\n At the dog park, we get more wild edits of Kenny. Leah shares that she has a matching Prozac prescription with her dog, and JaNa tries to feed a squirrel. Kenny, on the other hand, appears fully unenthused by the animal world. The people (Debbie from Shameless and one of Paris Hilton\u2019s relatives<\/a>) from the dog foster bring out Juan. Kenny says he \u201cisn\u2019t there yet\u201d and refuses to hold the dog. He then goes on to say he \u201cdoesn\u2019t encounter dogs frequently\u201d and that Juan \u201clooks kind of evil to him.\u201d It\u2019s not even a Frankenedit! This man actually said those words in a row. Perhaps I am just being ungenerous due to a little thing called hindsight, but alas.<\/p>\n We\u2019re forced to endure Connor and Kendall gossiping at the bar. Connor goes on about how the energy is weird, and there are times when they should all be getting together but don\u2019t. Yes, sir. This is what happens when you leave a job and learn the difference between a real friend and a co-worker. Tale as old as time. Neither of them got invited to Kordell\u2019s going-away roller-rink party, so Kendall is going to have a party of his own at Saddle Ranch to \u201ckeep the peace.\u201d Sure, fine, whatever.<\/p>\n The only thing the doofus boys really miss at the PPG\/PPGM-exclusive roller-rink party is seeing how good Serena and Kordell are at roller-skating. Serena brings out one of those Nothing Bundt Cakes to celebrate her man, and Kenny gripes about foster dog Juan not being adopted yet. He also eats shit on the rink and clomps around like he\u2019s 24 hours from being cut from the high-school ice-hockey team. Back at his apartment, he flatly says he\u2019s \u201clearning how to deal with Juan.\u201d A chilling thing to say about a living creature! Again, proof of possible re-edit, but I don\u2019t care. Cue the Purge sirens!<\/p>\n It\u2019s interesting to see what this show is like with less Kaylor since she was in Pennsylvania with a kidney stone, which turned into almost-sepsis and a four-night hospital stay. I\u2019ll go ahead and say it: I missed that slightly childish chaos tornado! It\u2019s like how a meal feels unbalanced without something acidic. Anyway, Kaylor returns to L.A. and tells Liv about the pole she\u2019s peeing through and the guy she\u2019s seeing, Torin. He\u2019s friends with the Stagecoach porta-potty guy and Montana Boy, Kaleb. Kaylor assures Liv, \u201cIt\u2019s not as bad as it sounds.\u201d What Kaylor doesn\u2019t realize is that it\u2019s definitely as bad as it sounds, just in a different way than she might be imagining (Torin looks like the 18-year-old treasurer of a frat). Either way, Kaleb freaked out about it, and Liv\u2019s like, You obviously weren\u2019t being malicious, or you would have picked a better guy. Kaylor decides to invite Torin to Saddle Ranch even though Aaron will be there. If the producers manage to create another roof moment<\/a>, Torin and his stupid little hats are cooked.<\/p>\n Finally, it\u2019s PPG girls\u2019 night. Serena grills kebabs, corn, and vegan dogs for JaNa and Leah. JaNa tries to convince the others and herself that Kenny is \u201cobsessed with Juan\u201d and that Kenny\u2019s reasoning for not wanting to live with her for only two months was \u201cvalid enough for her to humble herself.\u201d Luckily, Leah is like, Absolutely not. We find out that Kenny has one-bedroom leases in both Dallas and New York, and they\u2019ll be up at their one-year relationship mark. Even Serena, who has zero interest in living with a man she\u2019s not married to, thinks it\u2019s totally reasonable to move in with a partner after a year. Leah shares how afraid she is about \u201cthe C-word\u201d after her carousel of doctor\u2019s appointments. Serena and JaNa assure her that even in the worst-case scenario, she has a village behind her. They all bond over how hard it can be to tell people closest to you when you\u2019re struggling because you don\u2019t want to burden them, but also how much it isn\u2019t a burden when you get to help your friends. Serena goes on to reveal just how rough her anxiety has gotten and how hard it is that the things she loves, like being an extrovert, presumably on social media, trigger it. They talk about how influencer life is a \u201close-fucking-lose,\u201d then giggle about Party City and Jack Sparrow, and I quickly lose the plot. But the plot is absolutely \u201creal friendship,\u201d I will tell you that.<\/p>\n Next week, the plastic babies are back, no one wants to go to Kendall\u2019s birthday party, and Aaron and Kaylor argue in a parking lot like it\u2019s 2007 and they\u2019re starring on The Hills. Can\u2019t wait to see if the Kenny villain edit continues!<\/p>\n VULTURE NEWSLETTER<\/p>\n Keep up with all the drama of your favorite shows!<\/p>\n Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice<\/p>\n