{"id":382193,"date":"2025-12-31T08:23:08","date_gmt":"2025-12-31T08:23:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/382193\/"},"modified":"2025-12-31T08:23:08","modified_gmt":"2025-12-31T08:23:08","slug":"dont-blame-mothers-for-performative-parenting-blame","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/382193\/","title":{"rendered":"Don\u2019t blame mothers for performative parenting \u2013 blame\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"

Jamie Laing<\/a> has been criticised online for an insensitive Christmas post that sets \u201cunrealistic expectations\u201d for new mothers after the former Made in Chelsea<\/a> star said his \u201csuperwoman\u201d wife, Sophie Habboo<\/a>, had created \u201ca magical Christmas\u201d just three weeks after giving birth. <\/p>\n

In an Instagram video set to Kelly Clarkson\u2019s \u201cHave Yourself a Merry Little Christmas\u201d, Laing\u2019s podcaster wife, Habboo, 31, who gave birth to the couple\u2019s son, Ziggy, earlier this month, is seen doing a little jig beside their perfectly decorated festive table and looking proud at what she\u2019s pulled off.<\/p>\n

While most of us at three weeks postpartum might feel like death warmed up \u2013 I was hobbling around after a C-section, looking bedraggled in maternity leggings and slumped on a sofa \u2013 Habboo, wearing a red wraparound jumper and silky black trousers, looks like a carefree glamorous hostess about to entertain a large lunch party.<\/p>\n

There is a dramatic Christmas tree with massive red bows \u2013 and somebody preparing food in the background. Possibly a chef? Laing, 37, captioned the post \u201cPOV: your wife is 3 weeks postpartum and still creates a magical Christmas\u201d followed by \u201cShe\u2019s Superwoman\u201d. <\/p>\n

It has caused an uproar, with usually adoring fans criticising the perfect motherhood scene as \u201cnot normal\u201d and a \u201ctypical IG moment\u201d that shows only the best parts of motherhood and therefore heaps \u201cpressure\u201d on new mums. \u201cTo me, this is sadly only about people pleasing and not prioritising healing and true connections,\u201d one follower commented. Meanwhile, others said, \u201clet\u2019s not normalise postpartum women being \u2018superwoman\u2019, it\u2019s not normal\u201d and \u201cnot everyone has the money, resources and support to be able to do this\u201d.<\/p>\n

Jamie Laing and Sophie Habboo celebrate their first Christmas with their son Ziggy (Instagram\/@jamielaing)<\/p>\n

Yes, Laing and Habboo most likely had outside help from caterers or other paid professionals possibly including tablescapers, cleaners, gardeners \u2013 and a hired nanny \u2013 which many resentful and disgruntled followers online have been quick to point out. But let\u2019s take a minute to understand the real reason for all the hate out there.<\/p>\n

Of course, an IG moment like this is a trigger for the dreaded \u201ccompare and despair\u201d and \u201cmum shame\u201d. It appears to be performative parenting at its very worst, but that\u2019s not the fault of Laing and Habboo, that\u2019s the fault of the internet and the atmosphere it has cultivated.<\/p>\n

Hating on all the mums showcasing their perfect Christmas is just as bad as the judgement they\u2019re supposedly sending out to other mums who feel they are not living up to their unrealistic standards. Mums can\u2019t win. They\u2019re either \u201cshowing off\u201d their perfect brood, or seen as \u201ccashing in\u201d on how hard it all is. <\/p>\n

Mum hating \u2013 whatever the flavour \u2013 is out of control, with new mums, old mums, celebrity mums and Josephine-public mums being judged online like never before. We are criticised for everything from work-life balance to parenting styles, expressing struggles with body image to breastfeeding. Women are accused of pushing an \u201cunrealistic\u201d bounce-back narrative or not bouncing back as quick as they should. And how mums do Christmas \u2013 whether with a newborn, toddler or teenagers \u2013 has become this year\u2019s seasonal hotbed of harsh judgment.<\/p>\n

Social media creates this atmosphere where mums are perpetually failing even if they look like they\u2019re winning. And yes, while many of us might take one look at Habboo\u2019s expressions of Christmas wonder and want to give up, we also know that it\u2019s a fantasy that doesn\u2019t exist. <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve also been guilty of posting perfect Instagram posts of my kids looking like they\u2019ve come straight out of a Mini Boden advert. Personally, at three weeks postpartum, I didn\u2019t know what day of the week it was. Admittedly, it wasn\u2019t Christmas, but Easter, when I had Liberty, now seven, so the pressure to sort a magical Easter egg hunt and deck the house out in bunny themes wasn\u2019t as intense. But if it makes any new mums out there feel better, seven years on, I didn\u2019t get around to putting up a Christmas tree this year as we all got superflu. <\/p>\n

But do I hate Habboo for presenting her \u201csuperwoman\u201d image? Not really, because I think the real question is, why do we feel the need to present this kind of picture-perfect image of ourselves to the world in the first place? <\/p>\n

Mum hating is out of control, with mums being judged online like never before, for everything from work-life balance to parenting styles, expressing their struggles, and body image<\/p>\n

In my case, there has been an element of believing it\u2019s important to present a perfect front, which stems from my upbringing, because I was conditioned to believe that how we look, even how thin we are, equalled self-worth. Luckily, I have worked through that with the help of a therapist instead of an Instagram account.<\/p>\n

Other mothers take pride in their performance as parents and use social media as a way to confirm that to themselves and boost their confidence. For celebrities like Laing and Habboo, it\u2019s about growing their brand. <\/p>\n

Mums like Habboo, who are accused of presenting a perfect image of motherhood, aren\u2019t obliged to fix the rest of our insecurities and ensure that all mums feel good about themselves. They are investing in their career by professionalising motherhood \u2013 and it should be seen for what it is. <\/p>\n

Laing and Habboo are documenting their new parenthood journey through their rebranded podcast, NearlyParents, and are set to document their \u201cno-holds-barred whirlwind journey\u201d to parenthood in an upcoming Disney+ series, Raising Chelsea. In essence, they\u2019ve leveraged their reality TV background into new media ventures which will guarantee them an income for a good while to come I am sure.<\/p>\n

The pressure for new mums to be perfect, with filtered and curated shots, is enormous. And as we have seen with the Trad Wife trend, there is years of this pressure to come. Ironic when you consider how, in real life, society undervalues the role of the mother and there is general disdain for stay-at-home mothers.<\/p>\n

No wonder women are confused about what to do and how to behave. This lack of support for new parents leads them to online forums, which, while they can be supportive, can also be a vipers\u2019 nest of mean, unfiltered comments from people who get a kick out of judging others\u2019 choices, too.<\/p>\n

So what if Habboo had a great Christmas \u2013 and has more support at her fingertips? I have no doubt that there will be a time when she feels overwhelmed and will question herself as a new parent, as other mums do. Ziggy will need his nappy changed and demand feeding. She will feel the pull of work versus motherhood. <\/p>\n

The big change needs to happen on the internet \u2013 to stop judging others and live and let live. Every new mum struggles in their own way \u2013 and mum-hating is worse than anything they might seem to be doing on-line to offend you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Jamie Laing has been criticised online for an insensitive Christmas post that sets \u201cunrealistic expectations\u201d for new mothers…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":382194,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[64,63,1348,447,3355,134,3359,3353,44,3356,3354,3357,3358,1346],"class_list":{"0":"post-382193","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-celebrities","8":"tag-au","9":"tag-australia","10":"tag-breaking-news","11":"tag-celebrities","12":"tag-daily-news","13":"tag-entertainment","14":"tag-global-news","15":"tag-inkl","16":"tag-news","17":"tag-news-app","18":"tag-news-headlines","19":"tag-news-today","20":"tag-today-news","21":"tag-world-news"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/382193","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=382193"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/382193\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/382194"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=382193"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=382193"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=382193"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}