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Southern Charm<\/a><\/p>\n A Medium Rare Apology<\/p>\n \n Season 11<\/p>\n Episode 6\n <\/p>\n \n Editor\u2019s Rating<\/p>\n 2 stars<\/p>\n **\n <\/p>\n \n Salley\u2019s pining for Craig, Craig\u2019s crying to ChatGPT, and Shep\u2019s wearing stained khakis to a gala. During this episode, Shephard Rose, a boat shoe that developed organs, goes to visit his cousin Marcie, and she grills him about when he\u2019s going to settle down, a question that women are always asking on this show, and then men are shrugging at it as if to bounce the question into the roiling waters of the Atlantic. Wait. Where do I know Marcie from? Was she \u2026 on the show? I\u2019ve recapped this show since season four (what am I doing with my life?), and I remember Danni and Chelsea and Cam and even Gizmo, Naomie\u2019s cat, but there is just a black hole where Marcie should be. Was she on one of the COVID seasons? Science says we\u2019re already losing our COVID memories<\/a>, and maybe that\u2019s where Marcie lives.<\/p>\n There were a bunch of other random scenes this week. Molly went to Whitney\u2019s Stabbin\u2019 Cabin just to give him a spite-flavored cupcake, and I loved every second of it. Whitner went to Craig and Austen\u2019s restaurant, By the Way, and they didn\u2019t even mention that it\u2019s Craig and Austen\u2019s restaurant. We got a brief glimpse of my ultimate Bravo crush, Craig\u2019s business partner, Jerry, whom I want to show me an Excel spreadsheet and then smother me with his arms, like they\u2019re two of Craig\u2019s pillows. We met Charley\u2019s sister, Davis Renee, whose first name is either a full sentence or the name of a skin-care line we can\u2019t afford.<\/p>\n During this entire episode, there were only two scenes of consequence, and the first is the one where Venita and Salley meet for drinks to talk about Salley\u2019s unrequited love for Craig. This was a heartbreaker of a scene because Salley arrives and tells Venita there is no way she is going to stop hanging out with Craig. Venita tells Salley all the right things, that Craig doesn\u2019t care about her, that he will \u201chold you and walk you like a dog on a leash until he is done with you and he will let that leash go,\u201d and that he will break her heart. Salley says that she needs to learn that on her own, but no, girl, you do not. Listen to your friend. Let her intervene. Take someone\u2019s advice for one in your life.<\/p>\n The ultimate irony is that we know that Salley is totally ruining her friendship with Venita, fucking up her standing in the friend group, and putting everything in danger for a man who isn\u2019t even that into her. He\u2019d rather hang out with Charley! Venita\u2019s best line of defense with Salley is to say that Salley wants to get married and have kids. If that is her endgame, then Craig is not the one. He\u2019s on this here show confessing that he would take back Paige if she asked him, and she thinks that he is going to be the man to put a baby in her and then lead her to early retirement on his pillow fortune. He hasn\u2019t even kissed her yet, and she\u2019s riding this hard for Craig. I mean, he does have a great head of hair, but Craig? Do I need to italicize it again? Craig?<\/p>\n The other scene of consequence happens at Patricia\u2019s annual Gentlemen\u2019s Dinner and Chair Breaking Contest, where, once again, a chair is broken. This time it was by Stephen, a newcomer and English Nigerian doctor. Wait, why was this guy invited, and Rodrigo, who is actually a member of the cast, wasn\u2019t? Is this a gay thing? Is this homophobia in action? Miss Pat needs a gay there to tell her that if chairs keep breaking, it\u2019s either time to get more chairs or more Ozempic, one or the other.<\/p>\n Everyone is dressed well for this white-jacket dinner. No, wait. I take that back. Shep arrives wearing a pair of stained khakis, an orange-striped shirt he got from the Tommy Bahama outlet store, a gash on his forehead from a moving-related accident, and a white jacket on top. He looks like he\u2019s going to his first fraternity formal, and his date is his cousin Marcie, whom no one remembers. Whitner also could have done better. He is all charm, but he\u2019s wearing a white jacket over a black shirt and has a bow tie that looks like two ducks fucking. It\u2019s like he\u2019s dressed as a member of Mumford & Sons if they were playing a state funeral. It is a series of choices I don\u2019t understand at all.<\/p>\n At the dinner, Patricia asks Austen when he and his girlfriend are going to get married, and he shrugs his shoulders. The question bounces off and tries to find the roiling waters of the Atlantic, but instead it settles for a storm drain by the curb and decides to fester there until Austen just breaks up with his girlfriend, which has already happened<\/a>. There isn\u2019t much in the way of dinner conversation because Austen is in a relationship, Craig is chatting about how he has Salley and Charley as options, but really only likes the blonde one, and we know nothing about Stephen. Things don\u2019t really get interesting until Austen asks Craig to go outside for a chat.<\/p>\n Craig should be prepared for this chat because he\u2019s been talking to his new therapist, ChatGPT. I am officially an old and while I\u2019m not opposed to AI, I don\u2019t have much use for it. I can Google and do my own research. I am a professional writer, so I can usually power through something faster than I could figure out the prompts to get AI to write it for me. I don\u2019t need to come up with travel itineraries because I do all my travel planning by searching \u201c[City I\u2019m visiting] gay bar\u201d and just going with that. Yeah, I don\u2019t get AI, and I\u2019m always wondering who these people who talk to it like it\u2019s their friend or use it as their therapist are. Of course that person is Craig. This fact must be the mint because it makes all the sense. (I don\u2019t need AI to tell me that joke would work better out loud.)<\/p>\n I want to say that ChatGPT should not be your therapist, but, honestly, it seems to be working for Craig. He reports that he cried while talking to his phone because it made him realize he needs to close the chapter on Paige and move on to sleeping with some of the baddies who are clogging his hot-tub drain with their extensions. But, then again, he also says that he would get back with Paige, so, I don\u2019t know, maybe the realization isn\u2019t as good as he thinks.<\/p>\n It also gets him to apologize to Austen for freaking out at him at Whitner\u2019s literary party, which both he and Austen are still mad about. I don\u2019t believe this apology at all because in his confessional, Craig says that Austen\u2019s problem isn\u2019t with him; it\u2019s with himself for being in a bad relationship. That\u2019s so like Craig to shirk responsibility like a woman just asked him when he and his girlfriend are getting married. Craig asks for some \u201cgrace\u201d from Austen, and it strikes me that \u201cgrace\u201d is the \u201cgaslighting\u201d of 2026, and I want it to crack in half like one of Miss Pat\u2019s dining-room chairs. Craig does say he\u2019s sorry, that he misses hanging out with Austen, and that he\u2019s upset that his outburst created so much damage.<\/p>\n Austen accepts his apology, but he\u2019s right to offer the caveat that he can\u2019t deal with Craig and his instability anymore. He says he doesn\u2019t know when Craig is going to laugh at one of his digs or if he\u2019s going to flip his wig like a RuPaul\u2019s Drag Race<\/a> tour bus flying off a cliff. He says that they\u2019re fine as long as Craig doesn\u2019t snap at him again, but, come on, we don\u2019t need a ChatGPT therapist to know that it\u2019s inevitable. Craig is like a mousetrap, and the spring is cocked. It could sit there for hours, for days, for weeks, as rodents take little nibbles of the cheese without setting it off. But as sure as the waves crash on the shore, scattering questions about when bad men will get married, eventually that spring is going to pop, and someone\u2019s neck is going to get snapped along with it.<\/p>\n VULTURE NEWSLETTER<\/p>\n Keep up with all the drama of your favorite shows!<\/p>\n Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice<\/p>\n
\n Photo: Bravo\n <\/p>\n