{"id":415092,"date":"2026-01-15T17:30:13","date_gmt":"2026-01-15T17:30:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/415092\/"},"modified":"2026-01-15T17:30:13","modified_gmt":"2026-01-15T17:30:13","slug":"seth-meyers-on-ice-an-army-of-out-of-shape-uncles-late-night-tv-roundup","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/415092\/","title":{"rendered":"Seth Meyers on ICE: \u2018An army of out-of-shape uncles\u2019 | Late-night TV roundup"},"content":{"rendered":"

Late-night hosts talked cratering public opinion on the Trump administration<\/a>\u2019s deployment of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE)<\/a> in US communities and the president\u2019s apparent preference for whole milk.<\/p>\n

Seth Meyers<\/p>\n

Seth Meyers<\/a> opened Wednesday\u2019s Late Night with a reminder to viewers about how Trump \u201csold his mass deportation program to voters during the campaign\u201d.<\/p>\n

That would be by declaring some version of \u201cWe are going to start with violent criminals\u201d again and again.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you say you\u2019re going to get violent criminals off the streets, of course people are going to be into that. But that was a lie,\u201d Meyers noted. \u201cIt would have been much less popular if Trump had announced his plan was to hire an army of out-of-shape uncles to hang around Target and aggressively ask people where they were born. And that\u2019s what\u2019s really happening.<\/p>\n

\u201cInstead of deporting violent criminals like Trump promised, we just keep getting this,\u201d he said before showing clips of ICE agents at a high school in Minnesota, where they blocked roads and shot students with pepper spray, and arresting people at Target as others bought their groceries.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy the hell is ICE spending time at Target?\u201d he fumed. \u201cWhat\u2019s next? Are they going to deport the Target dog?\u201d<\/p>\n

The Trump administration\u2019s rush to expand ICE has resulted in new recruits struggling to meet lowered standards, especially a basic fitness test of 15 push-ups, 32 sit-ups and running 1.5 miles in 14 minutes. Some senior ICE officials have described the process as \u201cpathetic\u201d and \u201ca disaster\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell you know it\u2019s bad when even your own bosses are calling you pathetic and a disaster,\u201d said Meyers. Worse, many new recruits were also not fully vetted, and some were later discovered to have criminal backgrounds and failed drug tests. Nearly half failed the written exam, even when given access to notes and textbooks. \u201cHow the fuck do you fail an open-book test?\u201d Meyers laughed. \u201cOf course, these jabronis probably think the words \u2018open-book test\u2019 means that it\u2019s a test to see if you can open a book.\u201d<\/p>\n

Referring to numerous polls showing widespread disapproval of ICE tactics, Meyers made his final point: \u201cMost Americans do not want armed agents wreaking havoc in their schools, neighborhoods and grocery stores, especially when those armed agents are not even qualified for the job.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jimmy Kimmel<\/p>\n

On Jimmy Kimmel<\/a> Live!, the host touched on Trump\u2019s bullying rhetoric on Greenland, the autonomous territory controlled by Denmark that he has suggested taking over. Leaders of Greenland, naturally, have rebuffed such rhetoric. \u201cTrump\u2019s not really an ask-for-consent kind of guy,\u201d said Kimmel. \u201cHe doesn\u2019t have to ask \u2013 when you\u2019re a star, they just let you.\u201d<\/p>\n

But \u201cof course they don\u2019t want to be part of the United States right now!\u201d he added. \u201cNobody wants to be. People from the United States don\u2019t want to be part of the United States. It\u2019s like being cast in a movie that already has Bill Cosby as the lead.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kimmel then pivoted to Trump\u2019s Wednesday activities at the White House. \u201cThis morning, I read that Trump was holding an MLK event in the Oval Office,\u201d he said. \u201cIt turned out it wasn\u2019t \u2026 about MLK. It was about M-I-L-K.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou see that beautiful milk? That\u2019s what we\u2019re here for,\u201d Trump said from his desk, before he signed a bipartisan bill allowing schools to offer whole and 2% milk to students, overturning Obama-era restrictions that limited students to fat-free or low-fat milk.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhether you\u2019re a Democrat or a Republican, whole milk is right,\u201d said Trump. \u201cWhole milk. It\u2019s actually a legal definition, whole milk, and it\u2019s whole with a \u2018w\u2019 for those of you that have a problem. That\u2019s right. It\u2019s not \u2018hole\u2019 milk. It\u2019s \u2018whole\u2019 milk.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes he think that we think that milk comes from a hole?\u201d Kimmel exclaimed. \u201cI mean, if there\u2019s milk coming from your hole, you either need to get to a doctor or a farm and quit.\u201d<\/p>\n

Stephen Colbert<\/p>\n

And on The Late Show, Stephen Colbert<\/a> mocked the Trump administration\u2019s declaration via social media post that it is \u201cending the war on protein\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cAmericans are finally saying merry beef-mas again!\u201d he joked.<\/p>\n

Colbert also touched on Trump signing a bill that allows schools to offer whole and 2% milk. \u201cAnd this is great news for the many Americans who have been demanding this change,\u201d he said. \u201cHow many? About 2%.\u201d<\/p>\n

As for Trump\u2019s insistence that it was \u201cwhole milk\u201d not \u201chole milk\u201d \u2013 \u201cyes, very important distinction\u201d, Colbert said. \u201cThat\u2019s whole milk, with a W, not hole milk, with an H. Trump had to make that distinction to avoid copyright infringement, because hole milk without the W pretty sure is the plot of Heated Rivalry.\u201d<\/p>\n

He then played a clip of an employee at a Ford factory in Michigan who called Trump a \u201cpedophile protector\u201d as the president toured the facility. Trump responded with his middle finger.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou saw that right. Apparently Trump has designated a new national bird,\u201d said Colbert. \u201cThat is the most crudely hostile response from the leader of our country.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou gotta hand it to that autoworker for getting under Trump\u2019s skin like compound butter on a Thanksgiving turkey,\u201d he added. \u201cAnd all because he brought up the Epstein files. Which reminds me \u2013 where are the Epstein files?!<\/p>\n

\u201cWe were told that there would be Epstein files! In fact you signed a law mandating that you would have to release the Epstein files by the middle of last month, but you still haven\u2019t. It kinda makes you seem like a \u2013 what\u2019s the phrase? \u2013 pedophile protector!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Late-night hosts talked cratering public opinion on the Trump administration\u2019s deployment of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) in…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":415093,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[29],"tags":[64,63,134,427],"class_list":{"0":"post-415092","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-tv","8":"tag-au","9":"tag-australia","10":"tag-entertainment","11":"tag-tv"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/415092","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=415092"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/415092\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/415093"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=415092"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=415092"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=415092"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}