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\n The Eileen Davidson Accords are up for Amanda Frances, and the vibes are off.
\n Photo: Griffin Nagel\/Bravo\n <\/p>\n
This week, on our favorite program, Rich Women Doing Things, the rich women did things. Of the five black vehicles parked in their palatial driveways, they walked to the Range Rover, but had the G Wagon keys, so then had to get into the G wagon \u2026 Oh, who am I kidding? We can\u2019t do that this week. We need to talk about Amanda Frances. That\u2019s all I want to do and that is what you people came for. Ever since she debuted on the show, she has been straining the limits of the Eileen Davidson Accords<\/a> like Gwendoline Christie trying to fit into a youth medium. This lady. This Chanel-backpack-wearing, ceremonial-grade-matcha-ordering, fashion label-covered woman. I can\u2019t with her and the LVs all over every item of clothing she wears. To paraphrase a member of the European aristocracy, even Louis Vuitton and Bravo casting directors make mistakes.<\/p>\n Before we really rip Amanda to shreds, there is a story that I\u2019ve been dying to tell you since episode two. It goes back to when I was recapping season four of Selling Sunset<\/a>. Amanda appeared in episode five when Davina Potratz was trying to sell her house, and she wanted to price it higher than the market could bear because our Amanda is great with money. Jason Barbenheimer told Amanda that she redid a brand-new house, but it was too specific to her standards, making it more difficult to sell. This is what I wrote back in 2021<\/a>, \u201cThe house has a bar with a marble wall with a neon sign that says \u2018Vibes.\u2019 That\u2019s all you need to know. If someone is drinking ros\u00e9 at Coachella wearing a flower crown, it would be this house. It\u2019s the avocado toast of houses, and I\u2019m sure the driveway is paved in millennial pink.\u201d<\/p>\n Amanda did not take kindly to my making fun of her house. In fact, she DM\u2019d me on Instagram to voice her dissatisfaction. \u201cWhat\u2019s your prob with neon signs? .. .And yes \u2026 it sold furnished. The new owners happen to like the signs. Lol.\u201d Well, congratulations, Amanda, on finding someone with taste as terrible as yours.<\/p>\n The reason I tell you this story is to show that Amanda Frances has absolutely no sense of humor about herself. When she walks into a coffee shop in the desert and orders a matcha with half oat milk and half almond milk, she means it. She is being dead for real serious and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the problem with Amanda Frances. Delusion is usually a great personality trait in a Real Housewife, and all the best of them have a healthy dollop of it. But it\u2019s not fun when Amanda does it because there is an equal amount of thirst along with it. She cares so much about being liked and being right that she\u2019s going to DM a reality television recapper, the lowest rung on the media food chain, to try to make him understand? Also, if she\u2019s that peeved about a joke about her neon sign, wait until the reviews start pouring in for her appearance on this here program, where she is a main cast member.<\/p>\n The women are very skeptical of Amanda. In the opening scene, Boz makes fun of her job, saying she figures someone teaching others to make money would have made a lot more money at a regular old job. \u201cIf I could roll my eyes any harder at Amanda, I would,\u201d Boz says. Rachel says she can\u2019t tell whether Amanda is authentic or not. But I don\u2019t think there are undiscovered depths to Amanda. I think this is who she is, and she believes it. She has manifested herself into this basic-ass idea of what a rich person looks like and she is faking it until she makes it. Rachel and Boz are also right that she brought up Sutton and Avi to either score points or cause drama. She\u2019s so craven and guileless that she can\u2019t even plot against the women without us seeing every single puppet string she\u2019s trying to pull.<\/p>\n Her next hiccup comes when the ladies all go to Rachel\u2019s house, which has no power, for a tarot card reading party. Dorit trots out her new Mini-Kelly, which isn\u2019t a new AI-powered home assistant; it\u2019s one of those stupid bags they all have that they can\u2019t get the clasps closed. Dorit says she got a book deal, and Erika asks if she has a co-author as handsome as hers. Dorit says no, such a thing does not exist in the universe and she didn\u2019t even try. Dorit says that, instead, she got a mother-daughter team, and I have no idea how any of this will work. How is she going to be interviewed by two people? Who decides to ask the questions, and who decides to write? More importantly, who decides when to tell Dorit to shut the hell up, that they only scheduled 7 hours for this conversation, and she has gone over by 18 days? Amanda, the consummate one-upper, tells the ladies that she didn\u2019t use a ghostwriter; she just sat down and started writing \u2014 well, good for you, Aviva Drescher. Anyway, Amanda brings it up again, pretending to be curious but really just making the distinction known between the other women, who used ghostwriters, and herself, who didn\u2019t but should have.<\/p>\n When Amanda is gone, the women say how weird it was that she said that. Erika says she didn\u2019t write her book, but she\u2019s a New York Times best-selling author. She doesn\u2019t mention me by name, but I am certainly there in spirit. Rachel says she\u2019s a two-time NYT best-seller, but that isn\u2019t a one-up; that is a statement of fact to prove to Amanda that she has no freaking idea what she\u2019s talking about. Dorit gets in a good quip: for someone who claims she\u2019s an author, Amanda sure doesn\u2019t know how to read the room.<\/p>\n The party progresses, and Sutton tells Jennifer Tilly that she hurt her feelings when she said she knew why Garcelle wasn\u2019t friends with Sutton. They make up and it\u2019s over. Cute but also [blows raspberry that never ends]. Amanda then sits with the tarot card reader and asks if she\u2019s a medium too. The tarot card reader says sometimes, but she can\u2019t predict it. Amanda wonders if she\u2019s picking up anything on her, and the medium says no. This was so annoying to me. It\u2019s like going to a restaurant and asking if they have whiskey, and they say, no, they only have beer and wine. Then saying, \u201cOkay, but I\u2019d like a whiskey. Do you have one?\u201d No, sister! They just told you they didn\u2019t. Are you listening? It\u2019s not all about you and what you want in this very specific moment.<\/p>\n Amanda is asking because it\u2019s the third anniversary of her son Zion\u2019s death, only a few days after he was born. She talked to Kyle about it on the car ride there, but says she thought that being around friends would be a good distraction. Did she feel that way, though? Of course, losing a child is a tragedy, and I don\u2019t underestimate the grief that Amanda went through that day or every day since. But there\u2019s something about either her behavior or the way that it was edited that made it look like she was walking around the party sighing, hoping that someone would ask her what was wrong so that she could talk about it. I get she\u2019s upset, I get that she\u2019s sad, but if she wants to talk about it, then talk about it. Just tell them that you\u2019re sad. Why go around waiting for it to become a thing?<\/p>\n That\u2019s just what happens at dinner, when Dorit brings up that Amanda had opinions about Dorit talking shit about PK, a mustache that grows inside of your lips instead of on top of it, during their divorce. Here\u2019s the thing about this fight: they\u2019re both wrong, and they\u2019re both awful, and they\u2019re both terrible. Amanda didn\u2019t really say this, though she did repeat it at Kathy\u2019s dinner, but she was just parroting what Kyle said and taking it on as her own. These are Kyle\u2019s feelings as reflected by Amanda, someone who wants into the group more desperately than a neon sign that says \u201cVibes.\u201d Was Dorit right to go after her? Probably not.<\/p>\n Still, when Dorit raises the issue at the dinner table, Amanda says, \u201cZion died three years ago today, and I\u2019m holding on by a thread.\u201d<\/p>\n Kathy Hilton asks, \u201cIs that your dog?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s my son,\u201d Amanda replies.<\/p>\n Then Kathy says, \u201cYour do\u2026Your d\u2026Your son!\u201d Oh, Kathy Hilton. Never change.<\/p>\n I have so many feelings about all of this, and I\u2019m not sure which are the right ones. If Amanda really was that upset, she did not have to go to the dinner. Boz opted out because she just had her eggs retrieved on her IVF journey that I will have to talk about someday, but that day is not today. But Amanda chose to be there because she wanted to film and, I think, she wanted to bring it up on camera. Also, she\u2019s using it here as a sort of trump card. Now that she\u2019s dropped this news, they can\u2019t confront her, which is what she\u2019s being paid to do by attending this dinner. The point is for Dorit to challenge her about it and for Amanda to talk about it. But mentioning the anniversary of the death, she\u2019s not only declaring that she doesn\u2019t want to talk about it, but she\u2019s also ruining what the show is supposed to be about. She\u2019s declaring victory and rewriting the rules at the same time.<\/p>\n Dorit is, of course, taken aback and says that they can revisit this conversation some other time, but then she barges right ahead, like a bumper car on the fritz, and asks her the question again without asking if she even wants to keep talking. Amanda is wrong about a lot of things and I question her motive, but Dorit should have dropped it right there. After some limp back and forth, Amanda gets up from the table and says she needs to go home and cry with her family. I mean, yeah. What are you even doing here in the first place, lady?<\/p>\n As Amanda waits by the front door (not for an Uber or anything, because she drove), the gals convince Dorit to come and apologize. She is sincere and kind, trying to wipe the tears from Amanda\u2019s eyes. Amanda asks her not to touch her, and Dorit says it was just a kind gesture. What is this? An awful-off? Are they just there trying to outdo each other right on Rachel\u2019s doorstep? Amanda says that when she told Dorit about her son, it should have ended right there. \u201cI told you my kid died and you kept going,\u201d she says. She\u2019s not wrong, but also, is she right? Amanda walks out to her Porsche in the driveway, with the top still down, and she pulls out from Rachel\u2019s driveway and cruises down the straight boulevards of Beverly Hills. She feels the air moving through her hair, drying her wet face, rinsing all the stars in the sky of their powder until they\u2019re perfect little glowing orbs. All she can feel is loss, but as she thinks she\u2019s pulling away vindicated, she also feels a little bit like she won.<\/p>\n Sign up for the Housewives Institute Bulletin<\/p>\n Dame Brian Moylan breaks down all the gossip and drama, on- and off-screen, for dedicated students of the Reality Television Arts and Sciences.<\/p>\n Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice<\/p>\n