The new novel Isn’t it Nice We Both Hate the Same Things starts with a text message exchange that begins on March 7 between friends: “I haven’t seen you in forever! We should catch up.”<\/p>\n
Before you know it, it’s Christmas and the friends in question still haven’t caught up.<\/p>\n
Author Jessica Seaborn has been there.<\/p>\n
“I do have a friend where we seem to only message each other for the milestones,” Seaborn tells ABC News.<\/p>\n
“So, she’ll reach out and go ‘I’m just letting you know we’re expecting another baby’ and ‘just letting you know we’ve had our baby. This is her name’ and she’ll be like ‘congratulations on your engagement’, ‘happy Christmas’, ‘happy birthday’.<\/p>\n
“I looked at the text message history and it was just the milestones.<\/p>\n
“And that is so sad, and maybe so true about some friendships.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Seaborn was with friends talking about how hard it is to make friends when she realised that was the topic she needed to explore for book two. (Supplied)<\/p>\n
“I just thought it was a really great way to start the novel and hopefully make people laugh and realise what they’re in for maybe.”<\/p>\n
Seaborn is the author of Perfect-ish, which was published by Penguin Random House in 2023.<\/p>\n
That book underwent several name changes before Seaborn landed on the perfect, excuse the pun, title, whereas the title of her second novel has never changed.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Jessica Seaborn unboxing her first book Perfect-ish. (Supplied)<\/p>\n
“I was doing a lot of research into adult friendships,” Seaborn says.<\/p>\n
“I knew that that’s what the book was going to explore, and I was researching a lot to form the plot.<\/p>\n
“And when I was kind of trolling through the depths of searching terms like adult friendship or making new friends, someone had written a tweet like ‘you know making new friends is just finding someone who hates the same things as you do’ and someone kind of had replied and said ‘isn’t it nice when that happens’ and so I just merged the two.”<\/p>\n
Seaborn was also inadvertently, she says, influenced by The Simpsons, where a similar phrase has made its way onto television.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Pincipal Skinner poses the question “Isn’t it nice we hate the same things?” on The Simpsons. (Supplied: Disney+)<\/p>\n
Isn’t it Nice We Both Hate the Same Things follows Charlie, who is in her early 30s and has always had a big group of friends, until she left her husband, and they all sided with him.<\/p>\n
At the same time, she can feel her best friend Genevieve drifting away.<\/p>\n
She embarks on a mission to find new friends, and in the process is forced to reckon with her own insecurities and assess whether she really wants to spend time with certain people.<\/p>\n
Two reasons people want to make new friends<\/p>\n
“When I was doing research for the book, and I was researching friendship, they say there’s usually two reasons that someone feels they need to make new friends,” Seaborn says.<\/p>\n
“One of them is when you move somewhere new, which is how I could relate to it, moving to Sydney [from Brisbane].<\/p>\n
“The other one is ending a long-term relationship and losing all of your mutual friends.<\/p>\n
“So, I brought both of those into the story.”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Seaborn in Sydney in 2014, shortly before moving there for work at the age of 21. (Supplied)<\/p>\n
When Seaborn moved to Sydney from Brisbane, she hardly knew anyone.<\/p>\n
“My move to Sydney, when I was 21, I moved for a job and I knew two people \u2026 and they left not long after I arrived, so I really had no one except for housemates that I met on the internet and colleagues,” Seaborn says.<\/p>\n
“It took a while to form friendships.<\/p>\n
“I really didn’t have a lot of people, and it was quite a lonely experience and, I think, when I came out of COVID maybe, I felt it even more and I realised how much I had to make more of an effort to catch up with people.<\/p>\n
“And I think it’s just a universal and relatable experience and I think it’s harder as you get older.<\/p>\n
“I think you do have to put yourself out there and it’s not necessarily a comfortable thing to do.”<\/p>\n
Putting friendships to the test<\/p>\n
Isn’t it Nice We Both Hate the Same Things also explores intergenerational friendships and friendships among family members. And it looks at what can happen when you test a friendship.<\/p>\n
“I felt like there was really no reason to explore a story that really explored making more friends unless you have a moment where you really have to test the friendship,” Seaborn says.<\/p>\n
“And that moment is: if I really needed somebody, who would turn up?<\/p>\n
“That’s a question I ask myself a lot when I’m thinking about friendships or thinking about who I surround myself with.<\/p>\n
“I always ask myself, if I really needed this person would they turn up?”<\/p>\n
Seaborn says it’s the quality of a friendship that matters. (Supplied)<\/p>\n
Seaborn says people don’t necessarily need a lot of friends, it’s about the quality of those relationships that matter.<\/p>\n
“For me, friendship is quality over quantity,” Seaborn says.<\/p>\n
“And I think it’s important also as you get older to really keep putting yourself out there to meet new people and to make new friendships and I think you can meet people at different stages of your life that are just as important in your life.<\/p>\n
“Sometimes all you need are a few great people around you and they may be family or they may be friends or they may be colleagues.<\/p>\n
“But don’t feel so alone if you’ve just got a few good people because that’s still a great thing.”<\/p>\n