While there is more awareness around addiction nowadays, gambling is one addiction that many people either don\u2019t know about, or they completely underestimate the damage it causes.<\/p>\n
Problem gambling <\/a>is a compulsion to continue gambling despite it causing negative outcomes as well as the person wanting to stop.<\/p>\n It can have a serious impact on the person and their loved ones and can also cause severe financial <\/a>and mental health issues.<\/a><\/p>\n ERSI research estimates that 1 in 30 people in Ireland are problem gamblers, and it may be even higher due to its hidden nature.<\/p>\n While we often hear about the perspective of former gambling addicts, it\u2019s rarer to hear from their family and the devastating effect the addiction can have on them.<\/p>\n Dublin woman Nicola Keating lived with her husband\u2019s gambling addiction for 16 years, and it severely affected her own mental and physical health. \u201cIt was 16 years of living with hopes, dreams and false promises.\u201d<\/p>\n She says it\u2019s equally important that the addict\u2019s family members are supported, as oftentimes they feel invisible.<\/p>\n When Nicola met her husband, she was not long out of rehab for an alcohol addiction, and he had just come out of rehab for gambling. \u201cOur paths crossed, it was a whirlwind. We were married within 12 months of meeting each other.\u201d<\/p>\n Nicola didn\u2019t know much about gambling at this stage, associating it with horses and the Grand National. \u201cI knew you went into a bookies, I knew you\u2019d bet on a horse. I didn\u2019t know anything about poker machines, I would have never really heard of them.\u201d<\/p>\n Since Nicola never saw any betting slips, she didn\u2019t realise her husband was back gambling. He also went through a period of alcohol addiction, and would gamble on poker machines in casinos in between his drinking.<\/p>\n \u201cA year into marriage, I knew something was not right. I knew he was hiding stuff. He had stopped drinking at this stage, so he wasn\u2019t coming in drunk. He wasn\u2019t coming in on drugs.\u201d<\/p>\n Initially, Nicola thought he might be having an affair. After asking her husband outright, he agreed. \u201cIt was easier for him to say that he was having an affair than to tell me it was poker machines. Eventually, he confessed.\u201d<\/p>\n Suddenly, things started to make sense to Nicola. She could never understand why they had no money when the two of them worked. \u201cWe started our marriage off old school, the way that my mother taught me. Your husband came in and he gave you your wage and you never questioned it.\u201d<\/p>\n Nicola adds that people often blame the family members, wondering how they could not see the truth. \u201cWhen somebody convinces you into thinking you\u2019re going mad over things going missing, you start to believe their lies. You start to doubt yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n Her husband was a binge gambler and drinker, and there were spells where everything was good. However, oftentimes he\u2019d go missing for a few days on a gambling spree. \u201cHe\u2019d go missing on a Friday when he got paid.\u201d<\/p>\n Her husband would then come back and apologise profusely, promising not to do it again. A vicious cycle ensued: Nicola would take him back, he\u2019d gamble, and she\u2019d throw him out again.<\/p>\n Her husband\u2019s mother used to take him in when he wasn\u2019t welcome in the family home. \u201cWe were his two biggest enablers. He had her convinced that I was mad, that I was the problem. I don\u2019t blame her, that\u2019s her son, she didn\u2019t want to believe he\u2019d do something like this.\u201d<\/p>\n For years, Nicola\u2019s husband was in and out of AA and GA and did two stints in rehab. \u201cWe had good periods, and they were amazing, but I always lived on eggshells. I was always wondering when was the next time?\u201d<\/p>\n He gambled around the time of special events like weddings, birthdays and Christmas, knowing that Nicola would be quicker to forgive him so he wouldn\u2019t be missing at family gatherings and she wouldn\u2019t have to explain where he was.<\/p>\n \u201cI would never let him know how bad bills were. I worried he\u2019d feel like he had to get the money and that would give him the excuse to gamble again,\u201d she adds.<\/p>\n The cycle continued for 16 years, with Nicola\u2019s mental and physical health deteriorating. \u201cI was so vulnerable, isolated and lonely. I was so messed up in the head. I never wanted anybody to think bad of him because I still loved him.\u201d<\/p>\n One day, a good friend of Nicola\u2019s arranged for her to start counselling, which really helped her. She also managed to lose weight, adding that she had been overeating to cope with her emotions. \u201cI realised that it was me that had to change. I was never going to fix him, I had to fix me.\u201d<\/p>\n Nicola came home from counselling one day and told her husband that despite the fact they loved each other, they couldn\u2019t live like this anymore and it was over.<\/p>\n Her husband went into residential treatment in the Rutland Centre, and Nicola joined the Concerned Persons group there for support.<\/p>\n After coming home, her husband stopped gambling and life was \u2018amazing\u2019, Nicola says. Sadly, after two years, he had a relapse, which devastated Nicola. They went back to the Rutland Centre, where she finally felt able to confront her husband with the truth. \u201cHe was sitting there and saying, \u2018Our life is wonderful\u2019.<\/p>\n \u201cI said, \u2018We\u2019re not living in a happy house. What fantasy world is he living in?\u2019. I was going through bankruptcy and solvency at the time. The pressure of constantly having to turn up to court.<\/p>\n \u201cFor another year and a half, the two of us sat in an aftercare group confronting each other every week. I was no longer afraid to say what I had to say.\u201d<\/p>\n Nicola is now 33 years married, and her husband is 17 years free of a bet. \u201cIt\u2019s amazing, the adventures the two of us have been on. We saved the house. I\u2019ve three beautiful children and two beautiful grandchildren.<\/p>\n \u201cThe kids go to him for advice. He sits down and listens to each and every one of them and will help them through their stress or anxieties. He\u2019s done well in his job.\u201d<\/p>\n Nicola says she\u2019s speaking out now after so many years as she\u2019s no longer afraid of the guilt, shame or stigma. \u201cIf I can help one other family member out there by saying it\u2019s okay not to be okay. We are great at putting these masks on, hiding the problem, when inside we\u2019re dying. Don\u2019t be afraid to get help for yourself too.\u201d<\/p>\n To read the full article, pick up a copy of RSVP’s February issue, on shleves now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"While there is more awareness around addiction nowadays, gambling is one addiction that many people either don\u2019t know…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":511791,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[64,63,31403,137,26779,514,515,16217],"class_list":{"0":"post-511790","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-mental-health","8":"tag-au","9":"tag-australia","10":"tag-dublin","11":"tag-health","12":"tag-ireland","13":"tag-mental-health","14":"tag-mentalhealth","15":"tag-real-life"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/511790","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=511790"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/511790\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/511791"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=511790"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=511790"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=511790"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}