Women who have lost interest in having sex with their partner may assume they don’t like sex anymore.<\/p>\n
“The majority of women in long-term heteronormative relationships do tend to lose interest in sex earlier than the male partner,” says Johanna Waugh, a provisional psychosexual therapist based in Sydney\/Gadigal Country.<\/p>\n
And they often blame themselves.<\/p>\n
“A common internal narrative may be: ‘What’s wrong with me? I used to enjoy sex. Why don’t I want it anymore?'” says Ms Waugh.<\/p>\n
But research shows it’s less about not wanting sex and more about being bored with the sex available to them.<\/p>\n
Women and open relationships<\/a><\/p>\n Contrary to the stories we are told about male and female sexuality, it is actually women who are primarily asking for polyamorous and open relationships.<\/p>\n Not the same for men<\/p>\n It seems the same doesn’t happen for men \u2014 at least, not as early into the relationship.<\/p>\n Social researcher and author Wednesday Martin has previously told the ABC<\/a> at least six longitudinal studies \u2014 in total tens of thousands of adults in the age range of 18 to 70 \u2014 showed “consistently that in a long-term committed exclusive relationship, women stop wanting to have sex in years one to four”.<\/p>\n Whereas men, she says, are “pretty happy having sex with their long-term partners for nine or 12 years without reporting boredom”.<\/p>\n Women crave novelty and excitement in the bedroom, says Ms Waugh, and the burden of mental load doesn’t help to increase their sexual interest, either.<\/p>\n ‘Sex that’s not interesting enough’<\/p>\n Esther Perel, a psychotherapist who has spent years studying intimacy and monogamy, has been quoted as saying while men’s sexual desire in long-term relationships declines gradually over the years, women’s “plummets”.<\/p>\n “It’s always been translated as, ‘Well, that’s because women care less about sex’, rather than ‘It’s because women care less about the sex they can have in their committed relationships, which is often not interesting enough for them.'”<\/p>\n One study from 2012<\/a> found for women only, lack of interest in sex was higher among those in a relationship of more than one year in duration. Research from 2018<\/a> found the longer the duration of the relationship, the more relationship quality could influence sexual desire in women.<\/p>\n And while a 2023 study<\/a> found sexual boredom to be more common for men in heterosexual long-term relationships, they still had high sexual desire for their partner overall, whereas women’s desire for their partner declined as their boredom increased.<\/p>\n Ms Waugh says without “effort or novelty”, women’s sexual desire can wane over time.<\/p>\n The mental load<\/p>\n In addition to the role monotony plays in this picture, researchers are increasingly looking at how the mental load factors into it.<\/p>\n