{"id":544787,"date":"2026-03-16T21:06:16","date_gmt":"2026-03-16T21:06:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/544787\/"},"modified":"2026-03-16T21:06:16","modified_gmt":"2026-03-16T21:06:16","slug":"the-monday-knee-jerk-reaction-round-one-titus-oreily","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/544787\/","title":{"rendered":"The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: Round One – Titus O’Reily"},"content":{"rendered":"

Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.\u00a0<\/p>\n

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.<\/p>\n

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.<\/p>\n

You’ve come to the right place.<\/p>\n

Thursday<\/p>\n

Carlton (75) v Richmond (71)<\/p>\n

Well, I\u2019m back for the thirteenth year of the Knee Jerk Reaction, and if you\u2019re wondering where last week\u2019s was, there wasn\u2019t one.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s because I don\u2019t observe Opening Round.<\/p>\n

The great thing about being back is listening to calls to sack Carlton\u2019s coach before most teams had even played.<\/p>\n

Nature is healing.<\/p>\n

Did you know the CIA study the Blues on how to psychologically torture large groups of people?<\/p>\n

Last week, the Blues destroyed any hope their fans had built up in the offseason, in one quarter. This week, they made a win feel like a loss.<\/p>\n

Tigers fans were more concerned about Tom Lynch, who was like a kid who mainlined red cordial. \u00a0<\/p>\n

What was he going to do next? Miss a set shot? Or give away a free kick?<\/p>\n

Friday<\/p>\n

Essendon (83) v Hawthorn (145)<\/p>\n

Bombers fans were furious when Zach Merrett wanted a trade to Hawthorn.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t understand why. Wanting to get out of Essendon seems like the only sensible decision a person can make.<\/p>\n

I can only assume the fans were angry because they wouldn\u2019t have been able to go with him.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t leave us here!<\/p>\n

The Hawks were ruthless in this one, feasting on Essendon\u2019s mistakes and there was a Sizzler buffet worth of them.<\/p>\n

The result was the most predictable performance of the round; a continuing Essendon rebuild that makes Victoria\u2019s Big Build look professionally run.<\/p>\n

If you want to ensure you get my columns every week, the best way is to sign up for the email.<\/a><\/p>\n

Saturday<\/p>\n

Western Bulldogs (134) v Greater Western Sydney (53)<\/p>\n

Kane Corne\u2019s favourite team looked scary on the weekend.<\/p>\n

They were so good against the Giants that they made Adam Kingsley look angry, even for Adam Kingsley, which is saying something.<\/p>\n

The Giants were like me in my year nine German exam; they had no answers.<\/p>\n

The only phrase I\u2019d learnt was \u2018Deutsche Heute\u2019, which was the name of the textbook. Weirdly, that wasn\u2019t an answer to any of the questions.<\/p>\n

The Giants seemed unaware that Marcus Bontempelli is an astoundingly good player, giving him the leeway usually reserved for a struggling journeyman.\u00a0<\/p>\n

How good are the Dogs? It\u2019s round one, and they have two wins. They\u2019re doing things that are mathematically impossible.<\/p>\n

Geelong (110) v Fremantle (100)<\/p>\n

Geelong looked in all sorts early on, with Fremantle looking like the flag favourites, some people are saying they are.<\/p>\n

But every Dockers fan knows their club only exists to let them down, which is what my dad says about me.<\/p>\n

Chris Scott yelled at his players at quarter time in a manner that in any other industry would see you front HR before collecting your things.<\/p>\n

But the yelling worked.<\/p>\n

Bailey Smith started running amok, and Shannon Neale booted five goals.<\/p>\n

It was a win that would have delighted the Cats\u2019 many, many sponsors.<\/p>\n

Sydney (104) v Brisbane (60)<\/p>\n

After winning two premierships in a row, the AFL showered Brisbane with first round draft picks.<\/p>\n

This performance should therefore get them priority picks for the next three years.<\/p>\n

Of course, only a fool would write the Lions off this early, so expect lots of people to do that.<\/p>\n

But Chris Fagan seems to focus on the back end of the season. What a weirdo.<\/p>\n

The Swans looked amazing, but injuries to Errol Gulden and Isaac Heeney took the gloss off.<\/p>\n

Heeney was described as having \u2018hamstring tightness\u2019, which is worse than \u2018hamstring awareness\u2019 but better than \u2018done a hammy\u2019.<\/p>\n

Collingwood (79) v Adelaide (93)<\/p>\n

Oh dear! The Pies forgot to organise a forward line for this season.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a fair oversight.<\/p>\n

This not being a final, the Crows were in good form. They were in control for much larger stretches than the Pies.<\/p>\n

The frustration for Collingwood showed when serial offender Scott Pendlebury tried to murder Josh Worrell.<\/p>\n

Luckily, Worrell is alive, but how many times can Pendlebury get away with this?<\/p>\n

If you want to ensure you get my columns every week, the best way is to sign up for the email.<\/a><\/p>\n

Sunday<\/p>\n

North Melbourne (113) v Port Adelaide (67)<\/p>\n

For a side not used to winning, belting a side by 46 points was an out-of-body experience for North fans.<\/p>\n

And even if it was just against Port, this was still good!<\/p>\n

Many Kangaroos didn\u2019t know you were legally allowed to kick over 100 points.<\/p>\n

North can\u2019t afford a lid, but if they did, they\u2019d be taking it off.<\/p>\n

As for Port fans, what the hell was that?<\/p>\n

\u2018Hire Ken Hinkley\u2019 graffiti has already started springing up all around Adelaide.<\/p>\n

Melbourne (120) v St Kilda (107)<\/p>\n

Last week, the Saints tried to get a chant going with a drum.<\/p>\n

I believe it went like this \u2018Knock knock? Who\u2019s there? Owen. Owen who? Owen-Two.\u2019<\/p>\n

There\u2019s nothing worse than buyer\u2019s remorse.<\/p>\n

After spending the GDP of a large European country in the off-season, they got a result they used to achieve for a third of the cost.<\/p>\n

Max Gawn seemed to take it personally that Tom De Koning was on more money than him.<\/p>\n

Gawn was angrier than a man who\u2019s just discovered a wedding reception is booze free. And vegan.<\/p>\n

De Koning looked like he was the older player, struggling to go with Max as the game went on.<\/p>\n

For Demons fans, watching their team for the first time this year, despite the season starting several months ago, it was worth the wait.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Gold Coast (131) v West Coast (72)<\/p>\n

Hello to the three people reading about this game!<\/p>\n

In front of 13,309\u00a0people, the 2026 Premiers didn\u2019t muck around against the best side in the WAFL.<\/p>\n

Christian Petracca was on fire early, with three goals in the first term, two more the Eagles managed.<\/p>\n

From there, the Suns weren\u2019t really challenged, although it must be said, the Eagles at least tried in the second half.<\/p>\n

There were even moments of competent football, rarely sighted in Eagles jumpers in the last few years.<\/p>\n

Could we see the Eagles in the top ten this season? Well, not the top ten in the AFL, but maybe some other top ten list.<\/p>\n

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. Find out more here:\u00a0https:\/\/titusoreily.com\/support-titus<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.\u00a0 On a Monday, you want…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":544788,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[43,44,41,39,42,40],"class_list":["post-544787","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-headlines","tag-headlines","tag-news","tag-top-news","tag-top-stories","tag-topnews","tag-topstories"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/544787","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=544787"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/544787\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/544788"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=544787"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=544787"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=544787"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}