One of the many people my husband\u2019s clan and I invite to family celebrations isn\u2019t related to us by blood or marriage. He isn\u2019t dating one of us, he hasn\u2019t met any of us, and none of us \u2013 were he to attend \u2013 would know his face. But from time to time he gets an invite to a birthday of someone he has never met and is asked to bring a plate.<\/p>\n
He has never come, but he always responds with excitement and warmth. He\u2019s not technically \u201cone of us\u201d, but he shares a surname with some of us and over years earned himself the ultimate sign of group acceptance: a nickname.<\/p>\n
His name is Benjamin but to us he\u2019s \u201cThe Wrong Benny\u201d.<\/p>\n
It started more than 10 years ago, when one of my sisters-in-law \u2013 the one who\u2019s married to \u201cThe Right Benny\u201d \u2013 emailed her parents, her siblings, their partners and, she thought, her husband to suggest a celebration for two birthdays.<\/p>\n
Among the replies included: \u201chi guy, i think you got the wrong benny in your mailing list! greetings from germany, benny.\u201d<\/p>\n
I replied to ask whether he would like to host the gathering. \u201ci looooove birthdays. everyone can come! i live in cologne, just ask for \u2018benny\u2019!\u201d<\/p>\n
Two months later, when planning another celebration, someone else made the same mistake.<\/p>\n
\u201cI suggest that we celebrate again in my very small apartment in cologne. it was a very nice celebration the last time!\u201d<\/p>\n
After that we emailed the \u201cright\u201d Benny for several years. But in 2018, when I was inviting everyone to the Botanical Gardens for our youngest son\u2019s birthday, I accidentally emailed \u201cThe Wrong Benny\u201d again.<\/p>\n
\u201cYaaaay! Please pick me up at the port. Can you bring a towel? I already bought a balloon! (slightly used) I am proud and happy to be part of your family. Somehow. Take care & Love\u201d<\/p>\n
It was an accident, a case of selecting an email address that was just one letter different from the \u201cright\u201d one, but I was glad. By now we spoke of this funny, sweet, no-longer-quite-a-stranger with affection. Unsurprisingly, he didn\u2019t show up at the Botanical Gardens but, to be fair, we didn\u2019t show up at the port.<\/p>\n
Years passed. And then someone used the \u201cwrong\u201d address again.<\/p>\n
\u201cYaaaaay! That\u2019s what I call a comeback after so many years!\u201d<\/p>\n
As with every other time, I wondered if The Wrong Benny would ever visit. I was quietly confident that if he did he\u2019d tell us, and he\u2019d agree to let us hold a party in his honour.<\/p>\n
I realised I\u2019d missed an opportunity when visiting my sister in Berlin the year before \u2013 I was a mere four-hour train trip from Cologne.<\/p>\n
Maybe I\u2019ll try next time. But for now, I\u2019ll document his friendship with our family for the same reason he replied to us repeatedly and we to him: for the fun of it.<\/p>\n
For the fun of it; and to dwell on it. In a world that frequently feels dangerous, disconnected, dark; in a place where love and light are such a balm; I want to dwell on \u2013 soak up, savour, share \u2013 delight.<\/p>\n
I want to dwell on the delight of accidentally \u201cmeeting\u201d a different person from a different city and country and time zone, and not feeling as though they\u2019re different at all. One of my family\u2019s \u201cfriends\u201d is a guy we\u2019re not related to and haven\u2019t met. But we\u2019ve made each other smile. Of all the wonders of the internet, is any one as wondrous as this?<\/p>\n
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Von: Emma <\/p>\n
Hey all!<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve decided the story of \u201cThe Wrong Benny\u201d is a story that deserves to be told! And I\u2019ve taken it upon myself to tell it! (Wrong) Benny, if you don\u2019t mind, I\u2019ll see if anyone will publish it (this is me<\/a> when I\u2019m at work). Dear Emma,<\/p>\n I am thrilled and deeply moved. I have long believed that someone should write a report about me and my highly interesting personality. And now it is finally coming true (in a way). Three cheers for coincidence and confusion!<\/p>\n I am very happy that I am invited back again and again; you are truly loyal souls.<\/p>\n I\u2019m going through a bit of a difficult time here in Cologne and have already considered whether a long break in Tasmania might do me good.<\/p>\n I would send myself as a parcel and would of course need a reputable postal address in Tasmania for that.<\/p>\n Take care, be kind to each other, and see you sometime soon.<\/p>\n (The wrong) benny.<\/p>\n
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From: Benjamin <\/p>\n