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April 16, 2026 \u2014 7:00pm<\/p>\n
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Remove items from your saved list<\/a> to add more.<\/p>\n Save this article for later<\/p>\n Add articles to your saved list and come back to them anytime.<\/p>\n Got it<\/p>\n AAA<\/p>\n Each week, Good Weekend\u2019s how-to column shares expert advice on how to navigate some of modern life\u2019s big \u2013 and small \u2013 challenges. This week: How to start a conversation with a stranger.<\/p>\n So you\u2019re at a party or function and you know nobody. Or perhaps your partner\u2019s stuck over at the canap\u00e9s with Barry, deep in conversation about the AFL draft. There are huddles of people sharing bonhomie all around, yet they feel impenetrable and the gulf between you and them feels like an ocean, a vast expanse of loneliness. How do you strike up a chat?<\/p>\n Experts in human conversation, such as Scott Barnes, associate professor of linguistics at Sydney\u2019s Macquarie University, say there\u2019s a bunch of subliminal signals you must think about before you even open your mouth. Academics who specialise in conversation analysis have written whole papers about this \u2013 and I have suffered through them so you don\u2019t have to.<\/p>\n The pre-conversation period is called the \u201copening phase\u201d, when you signal your commitment to chat. It could be a smile. It should involve eye contact. And it\u2019s often about how your body is placed, which is called \u201cdisplaying a positive stance\u201d or \u201cbody torque\u201d. For example, says Barnes, if you\u2019re leaning on a bar with only the top half of your body facing the stranger while your bottom half remains facing the bar, you\u2019re only signalling low commitment. This position says that, at any moment, you may resume being alone with your overly priced, locally brewed craft beer.<\/p>\n Once you\u2019ve got someone\u2019s attention with subliminal cues, he continues, it will soon be obvious whether they want to reciprocate and become \u201cco-present\u201d. That\u2019s when you go in for the greeting: a warm \u201cHello\u201d or \u201cHi\u201d followed by a \u201cHow are you?\u201c.<\/p>\n Related Article The next step, says Barnes, should be a \u201csafe starter\u201d question or topic, such as the deliciousness of the canap\u00e9s or the cheeriness of the house wine. (The weather should be a last resort, unless your companion is a savant meteorologist who likes to recite the past 10 years of average rainfall figures.) You could also try a few questions that position you in relation to each other, for example, \u201cWhat brings you here today?\u201d or \u201cHow do you know the host?\u201d<\/p>\n If you\u2019re up to it, you can also admit vulnerability: \u201cCan I join you guys? My partner has abandoned me!\u201d But pair this with a self-deprecating laugh, so you don\u2019t come off as freshly divorced. If you\u2019re looking for a sense of intimacy, try noticing something about the other person: \u201cGreat jacket.\u201d This can come off as being too intimate too quickly, though, so use your judgment. If you avoid all these pitfalls and show reciprocal interest in the other person, you\u2019re on your way. You might even become friends.<\/p>\n Get the best of Good Weekend delivered to your inbox every Saturday morning. Sign up for our newsletter<\/a>.<\/p>\n Save<\/p>\n You have reached your maximum number of saved items.<\/p>\n![\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/951cbeac60bb560e44fd14ba611e4e860fdbd5ca.jpeg\")
Photo: Illustration by Simon Letch<\/p>\n![\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/5425ccf0f70fabf191e31fbc2534ce42501e297d.jpeg\")
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