![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/PNG-Chief-620x413.png\")
PNG Chief\u2019s Talent Scout: Larry.<\/p>\nGreetings chosen ones and welcome to Friday\u2019s Rugby News. Todays news is so colossal in scale you\u2019ll need a massage halfway through, to stop cramping up.<\/p>\n
First up we look at the laws of unintended consequences in: \u2018Money for nothin\u2019 and your Chiefs for free\u2019. Then take a look at round 14 of SRP in \u2018Shuffling Deckchairs\u2019. Speak to SRP HQ regarding the QPRQ Reds official complaint with \u2018Move along: nothing to see here\u2019. Run an eye over the latest zany Eddie Jones adventure in \u2018\u30d5\u30a1\u30c3\u30af Off\u2019. We then add another chapter to our \u2018only in NZ book\u2019 with \u2018Whiskey Tango Foxtrot\u2019. Before reaching for the No-Doz in \u2018Not Happy STAN\u2019. And then farewell a colossal rugby week with \u2018Friday\u2019s Goss with Hoss\u2019 The Budget edition, that can only be read by Australian citizens. Make a choice peoples.<\/p>\n
PNG Chief\u2019s Talent Scout: Larry.<\/p>\n
Money for nothin\u2019 & your Chiefs for free.<\/p>\n
Multiple media reports this week about the freshly minted NRL side, the PNG Chiefs and their attempts to raid our rugby cr\u00e8che, potentially poaching rugby\u2019s gen-next.<\/p>\n
Stories started earlier this week with news.com.au reporting of rumours that Caitlyn Jenner was on the shopping list of the PNG side, and that he was \u2018considering\u2019 a switch back to gaol ball in 2028. Rumours quickly quashed by RA and those in JAS\u2019s sphere of influence. And later this week stories emerged that brothers Treyvon (Reds) and Kadin (not Reds) Pritchard, would also meet with delegates from the franchise.<\/p>\n
And to be honest, who could blame the players! Regular readers might recall that the Australian Socialist Robin Hood Alliance (ASRHA: AKA the Labor Party) have kicked the tax payer can, to the tune of a rather eye-watering $620,000,000.00, for PNG to enter the gaol ball comp, and for their politicians to install obscenely large Jacuzzi\u2019s and walk-in wine cellars for their Port Moresby ocean side pads. Because sure as spit 98.63% of the $620m \u2018piss off China\u2019 fund, won\u2019t end up where it was supposed to (or maybe it will?). And as special \u2018dispensation\u2019 (bribe) the franchise are allowed to offer TAX FREE contracts for foundation players! So what might be a $500k tax free contract for the Pritchard lads in Loig, could cost RA approx. $800k to effectively \u2018match\u2019 the offer, after tax. Talk about the laws of unintended consequences. ASRHA hand over $620m to effective rent PNG as a geo-political shield from the Taiwan stalkers, but in doing so, open up a FIFO highway from union to league. And that highway is paved in tax free gold baby! <\/p>\n
Now without being indelicate, I\u2019ve been to PNG once, and it\u2019s a shit hole. And not just any run of the mill shit hole, but a shit hole that would be in the gold medal playoff\u2019s for shit holes, should a Shithole Event ever feature at the Olympics (NZ\u2019s north island would make the bronze medal playoffs). So in the spirit of our socialist leaders recently raping those who worked their lives to get ahead, to hand it back to art students, so they can chase their dreams of being content creators, brand ambassadors or coffee artisans, where is the $620,000,000.00 for our Pacific Island brethren for rugby union? Surely they too could also assist in equally annoying the inventors of MG laced Chow Mein? <\/p>\n
So yours truly decided to approach Minister for Foreign Affairs in the ASRHA, KD Lang, to ask what exactly had our government done to support rugby in the PI nations, and after much prodding, her office responded with a list of current financial commitments made: <\/p>\n
A $200 Bunnings Voucher<\/p>\n
Sending upcycled rugby boots to Fiji (9 pairs of size 8\u2019s)<\/p>\n
Offering to relocate Izzy Folau to Tonga for free<\/p>\n
Are using a bigger removalist truck than NZ did to help move the Drua around Australian Super Rugby fixtures.<\/p>\n
Forming a sub-committee chaired by Senator Pocock to oversee expenditure in the region: as long as that distracted him from discussing implementation of an appropriate tax on liquified natural gas export profits. <\/p>\n
For the sake of balance, I did also reach out to Gus Taylor for what his party might do in this space if re-elected (yeah, I laughed too) and his office replied: \u2018Whatever One Nation does, but only tougher and more of it, unless it\u2019s immigrants than less, much less. PNG are Aussies aren\u2019t they Hoss?\u2019<\/p>\n
Of course, rugby has a few fair-to-middling events to look forward to soon: a home RWC, The BLEDIZAC, the Nations Cup and regular Northern Tours (now part of the Nations Cup), as pat of a compelling sales pitch to young players to stay with the code, but jeez, a level playing field might also be nice too, wouldn\u2019t it!<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/PPL-SR-FOOTBALL-620x413.png\")
You know it\u2019s gonna happen!<\/p>\n
Shuffling Deckchairs.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s round 14 time punters and let\u2019s be honest, the top 6 are set, now it\u2019s just about who sits where at the finals table. As for all the teams outside the top 6, they\u2019re also shuffling deck chairs, but there\u2019s are on Titanic. See Nutta\u2019s<\/a> excellent Thursday reviews for all teams and personnel changes.<\/p>\n Friday 15 May 5:05 pm AEST \u2013 Chiefs v Highlanders at FMG Stadium Waikato, Hamilton (City, not the musical), Stan Sport<\/p>\n Looking forward to this one. The Landers are done for the year, so maybe that will free them up to have a crack and just cut loose. As for the Chiefs, they\u2019ve suffered a big set back. Their best player from last week is running the touchline in Fiji. <\/p>\n Fearless Prediction: Landers by 3. <\/p>\n Saturday 16 May 2:35 pm AEST \u2013 Fijian Drua v NSW Waratahs at HFC Bank Stadium, Suva, on Stan Sport<\/p>\n Why hath the rugby gods forsaken me so? James Doleman with the conch and \u2018passion fingers Playle\u2019 running touch. Oh the humanity! <\/p>\n Fearless Prediction: Drua by 24.<\/p>\n Friday 15 May 5:05 pm AEST \u2013 Blues v Hurricanes at Eden Park, Auckland, on Stan Sport<\/p>\n The comp\u2019s biggest cheats, verse the comps best side. Lets hope it\u2019s a victory for \u2018can do\u2019 rugby, as opposed to \u2018can get away with\u2019 cynicism.<\/p>\n Fearless Prediction: Cans by 17<\/p>\n Saturday 16 May 7:35 pm AEST \u2013 Western Force v Queensland Reds at HBF Park, on Stan Sport<\/p>\n Reds v Reds? What\u2019s with the Force\u2019s red jersey for this one? Not happy with essentially starting up their franchise on the back of stolen Reds players, they have now stolen the jersey as well? <\/p>\n There\u2019ll be the usual pre-game shite from pundits and players alike, you know: \u2018all to play for\u2019, \u2018our destiny is in our hands\u2019, \u2018leave it all on the paddock tonight\u2019, \u2018won\u2019t die wondering\u2019 and the usual sports babble, and you know what, no Beaver, no LSL, no FLook and a few tired bodies, maybe the Force might get the lollies. But the good ship \u20182026 Finals\u2019 set sail for them at fulltime last week, and they were still in the duty free shop buying Tequila, and getting Peaches another tat and missed the boat.<\/p>\n Sure they\u2019ll be brave, but any victory will only serve to get them just that little bit closer to the six, but ultimately, not close enough. Equally, should the Reds win, it won\u2019t matter either. A home finals berth is also a pipe dream. Instead they are left with a sore rectum from the proper and continuous fisting they copped at the hands of the MO\u2019s last week.<\/p>\n Fearless Prediction: Doesn\u2019t matter either way. One team are dead men walking, the other will crash out in week one of finals action.<\/p>\n Move along: nothing to see here.<\/p>\n Ok, it\u2019s been a week now and largely, the anger has subsided over that officiating performance from the Reds being robbed last week, but riddle me this: where is the response to the Reds official complaint regarding said pooch-rooting officiating?<\/p>\n Where is the feedback, insight, accountability, meeting minutes, discussions, or post-it notes? What happened, what was valid criticism from the Reds, what wasn\u2019t? What will SRP do to provide a better spectacle for fans? What will they do to align the quality of the MO\u2019s with the significance of the match? What are the KPI\u2019s, the metrics, FFS give us something to show that it matters to SRP, cause sure as spit, it matters to fans. Imagine for a minute, that similar officiating were to happen in the finals series!<\/p>\n I get that SR responded to the \u2018no try\u2019 uproar to Seru Uru. And to be honest, that was and is a decision I can live with. Not obvious, not clear, no try, play on. But what about the myriad of genuine clangers that had a material impact, for both sides (that one\u2019s for you Archie, you\u2019re welcome), but mostly the Reds, to the result?<\/p>\n I am not looking for the ref to be nailed to the cross, that roles been filled by that Mexican guy already, but surely there has to be some accountability somewhere? Or is there just nothing to see here?<\/p>\n \u2018\u30d5\u30a1\u30c3\u30af Off\u2019.<\/p>\n It would seem Japanese peace envoy, cultural attach\u00e9 and national rugby coach, Dr Evil-san, has been sanctioned by his employer the JRU for abuse of match officials when in Oz recently. The punishment dished out financially akin to having his privates dipped in Wasabi. Plus, he has been banned from coaching for:<\/p>\n Japan Selct v Hong Kong<\/p>\n Japan XV v Maori All Black<\/p>\n Japan v Italy July 4th (Nations Cup match)<\/p>\n His ban will effectively see him unpaid for the period April 24th \u2013 June 05th, a reported $10,000AUD (7.6 billion Yen) hit.<\/p>\n abcnews.com.au <\/a>reports the sanctions were issued following \u2018incidences of verbal abuse\u2019 during a recent tour of Australia. And the most delicious part in all this? It was RA who dobbed him in to the JRU when they became aware that he had, on several occasions, gone full throttle Eddie against some MO\u2019s. How sweet that must have felt for Phil \u2018Badger\u2019 Waugh and his posse to have penned that email. They say payback can be cleansing for the soul. <\/p>\n Evil-san has copped the punishment on the chin and apologised for being caught on film (check out SMH <\/a>footage here) and gave the usual stuff about: doing better, sincere regret and other stuff he\u2019s already forgotten writing down. Although Dr Evil-san did seem to fire up again when yours truly emailed a few questions to him regarding the incidents and fine, replying from his personal email account drevil-san_at_my_evil_lair.nippon.sayonaraozrugby saying: <\/p>\n \u2018as for that \u3060\u3089\u306a\u3044 rugby site of yours, you and the other \u308d\u304f\u3067\u306a\u3057 can go \u6839 a horse. And not just any horse mate, a really ugly horse with \u5c16\u572d\u30b3\u30f3\u30b8\u30ed\u30fc\u30de. You\u2019re not a rugby site, you\u2019re a \u30af\u30bd disgrace.\u2018 <\/p>\n Japanese rugby has been contacted for comment, and translation.<\/p>\n Whisky Tango Foxtrot!<\/p>\n From the lands of the long white reefer cloud, a near unbelievable tale of a 15yo teenager hitting a passing plane whilst approaching a local airport, with a rugby ball from a \u2018Girry Ewen cuz\u2019 (Garry Owen). In what turned out to be a deliberate attempt by the young man, he has roosted the \u2018Gullbut\u2019 approx. 150 feet into the air and struck a tourist plane with 12 people on board, as it approached Queenstown Airport for landing. Those onboard were completely unaware of the initial impact, until the airline saw the story on social media later that night, checked the plane the next day and found \u2018noticeable scuff marks on the starboard strut\u2019 and reported that the ball was only a \u2018second away\u2019 from striking the planes prop (which reportedly carries an automatic 4-6 suspension).<\/p>\n Now sure, this all happened in 2023, but was only reported in Kiwi media this week. Forensic Investigators with the \u2018Kiwi Fuddrull Pleece\u2019 taking their time to work out the \u2018bust way to devillip the fulm from the phoon brew\u2019. That said, I don\u2019t know if I should be grateful the kid didn\u2019t create a national tragedy, or impressed that he could kick so well?<\/p>\n Either way, the might of the American military has contacted the child\u2019s family and asked if he might go Iran to \u2018assist\u2019 them, in what the Seppos have code named project: \u2018Everything\u2019s going really, really well. We just want this kid to teach Marines how to kick, as Gullbert\u2019s are cheaper than Tomahawks. But rest assured, we are winning and winning big\u2019<\/p>\n Not Happy STAN.<\/p>\n Bit of noise around this week from STAN regarding the Reds not making the contractually agreed 3 players + coach , available for post match interviews after last weeks emotionally challenging match. STAN made their feelings known to SRP about the Reds snub and felt aggrieved. The Reds countering they were protecting their players, perhaps out of a duty of care, but equally more likely, protecting the QRU coffers, from players perhaps venting about the officiating and SRP fines ensuing. I see both sides of the argument, but it got me thinking the coverage in general, and let\u2019s be honest, STAN needs help. <\/p>\n The whole coverage from start to finish is just so goddam vanilla. Vanilla pre-match, miked up players who give robotic answers to mundane questions. Coaches asked \u2018what they have to do to win tonight\u2019 each and every time. The repetitive banter between the commentators and endless golfing in-jokes. The whole coverage has become one large, stale bottle of uric acid. It doesn\u2019t add to the spectacle. It offer\u2019s no insight or elevation of the product. The coverage inhabits a space, but does nothing to make that space interesting or inviting. Indeed the best part of the entire SATN coverage, as a whole, is the post match replay options you can choose from. Other than that, you could sum up the match coverage in general as: banal, blithering and broken.<\/p>\n STAN needs to reinvent it\u2019s rugby coverage. Where\u2019s the fan driven \u2018live player poll\u2019 for MotM, or instant questions for a player \/ coach via social media post match? Perhaps a live STAN Wallabies selection poll (rolling across the year and compared to the final officially selected side) Where\u2019s the expert halftime analyses where us mere mortals are given an insight into what the teams are trying to achieve tactically? Where\u2019s the energy, the buzz, the insight, where\u2019s the freshness? Well, there aint none. Nope, instead we get: how does that feel? What do you have to work on for next week? What went wrong tonight and better luck next time? So vanilla, so obvious, so repetitive, so dull. <\/p>\n The Inside Line team spoke a bit about the Reds \u2018snub\u2019 this week and why it was wrong by the Reds and in an openly honest insight into the world of white sneakers and vanilla \u2018journalism\u2019 that STAN operates, and how the coverage team are all ex-players and not looking for a \u2018gotcha\u2019 moment with interviews. And maybe that\u2019s what is entirely wrong with the current coverage? Where\u2019s the mongrel in the pack asking the brutal questions: Jeez mate, you blew chunks tonight, and that last fumble by you lead to the match losing try, you\u2019d have to reckon you\u2019ll be risolled for next weeks match wouldn\u2019t you? Your never gonna get picked for the Wallabies with form like that! Or alternatively, where is a Norman Gunston type roving reporter taking the piss? <\/p>\n I don\u2019t recall SATN ever being great innovators with their rugby coverage and that\u2019s ok, but what\u2019s happened in the time since they\u2019ve launched, is that they haven\u2019t evolved, they haven\u2019t dared to be different, they haven\u2019t even tried to be \u2018new\u2019. They\u2019ve settled for what they have. They\u2019ve become comfortable, lazy, extremely predictable and in my opinion, extremely dull. I get they may have the rights to televise the rugby sausage, but they\u2019ve long given up on trying to present any rugby sizzle that should go with it. And to be clear here, I am not talking about the match commentary. I am a fan of Big Sean Maloney\u2019s passion and humour, I am talking exclusively pre-match, half-time, and post-match, the quality (IMO) falls off the cliff.<\/p>\n Now, being a media baron myself, I get \u2018content\u2019 is king. But there\u2019s \u2018content\u2019 that engages , educates or illuminates, and then there\u2019s just \u2018fill\u2019. And the current SATN post match stuff is just fill for fill\u2019s sake. There\u2019s no hard hitting questions, no insight, no revelations, nothing exciting or nothing that enhances the viewers experience at all. It\u2019s just formulaic and prosaic. It\u2019s additional advertising revenue, disguised as post-match coverage, wrapped inside a vanilla void of empty, meaningless, and mindless drivel.<\/p>\n Do better.<\/p>\n Friday\u2019s Goss with Hoss.<\/p>\n Gooba gobs off.<\/p>\n Two weeks in a row now, Nathan \u2018Gooba\u201d Williamson at rugby.com.au<\/a> has come up with the goods again in his \u2018Run Home\u2019 analysis for all sides. Well, for most sides, well actually, for those already in the top 6. All other sides are effectively buggered already.<\/p>\n All Blacks back?<\/p>\n It seems Dr Evil has shagged Australian Rugby yet again. With Moses getting tapped to make way for Eddie, Moses goes to AB\u2019s and from there, the AB\u2019s seem to be getting their aura back. Certainly off the paddock anyway. <\/p>\n If losing Dave Rennie to them wasn\u2019t bad enough, they then hired some retired dud Tana-something to help coach and know they\u2019ve reconstituted a rugby dinosaur and legend to act as a selector. Sir Ted Henry was this week announced as a selector and chief agitator, to get NZ rugby back where it belongs: two metres offside from the opening whistle and entering from every rucks from angles Pythagoras couldn\u2019t calculate. <\/p>\n And to think, we nearly had it all with Razor and now look what\u2019s happened. Bloody Eddie.<\/p>\n All Black hack.<\/p>\n Not content with being only a fair-to-middling Barrett and AB (but way better than Scott, although miles off Bodie), stuff.cuzzybrew.nz<\/a> reports Jordie Barratt has tried his hand at a recent pro golf event on the Charles Tour, at the Taranaki Open. The AB\u2019s plodder shot 76 in the open round and then a whopping 88 next day. Now, by my maths that totals 189 and saw him miss the cut by almost 63 shots. Barrett went on to confirm his own mental softness stopped him from progressing, admitting to the press that \u2018golf beat me\u2019. For the record, golf has never-ever beaten me, it simply turns its back and walks away in disgust whenever I play. So I win on forfeit.<\/p>\n Barrett said he would seek to improve his mental fortitude by diving into Tiger Woods latest tome: \u2018Get in the Hole\u2019. The advice paid off almost instantly as well, with later reports stating Barrett drinking a \u2018shut-load\u201d: chasing copious amounts of skirt through the clubhouse: propositioning a ball cleaner on the first tee, before crashing his Pajero Sport into the entry gates at the Taranaki Royal & Ancient. Slurring to police that he may have \u2018sliced my drive, hey cuz\u2019. Copy book Tiger Woods.<\/p>\n Come again?<\/p>\n A few eyebrows raised over the ditch this week when honorary Aussie head of NZR , David Kirk told reporters it would be good to see an Aussie side win SRP (for clarification, he means the whole comp, not just game) and shock-horror, it wouldn\u2019t be bad for us to win the Bledisloe as well. Well \u2018nearly\u201d anyway. suff.co.nz<\/a> has more. <\/p>\n Black attack.<\/p>\n In yet more AB news, the QPRQ SRW side have this week announced the signing of twice World Cup appearing Black Fern prop Tanya Kalounivale, joining the squad for the 2026 campaign. At just 27 years old and with Eva Karpani on the other side, that\u2019s some pack the Reds are going to have <\/p>\n Off field games<\/p>\n Monday see\u2019s RA & the former Directors of the side previously known as \u2018give me more money RA\u2019, the Melbourne Rebels head to court to commence an expected three weeks of hearings. This intrepid writer hears that the Rebels organisation has imported an additional $3.25m worth of straws as a back up plan, just in case they run out of enough straws to clutch onto, early in the peace. At time of writing, it is not entirely clear where the funding for the straws came from, but I am sure said investment is just as financially sound, as any other financial undertakings made previously by the same organisation.<\/p>\n Until next week, go the Brumbies.<\/p>\n Hoss out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Greetings chosen ones and welcome to Friday\u2019s Rugby News. Todays news is so colossal in scale you\u2019ll need…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":671125,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[567],"tags":[64,63,760,85],"class_list":["post-671124","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-rugby","tag-au","tag-australia","tag-rugby","tag-sports"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/671124","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=671124"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/671124\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/671125"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=671124"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=671124"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=671124"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/three-blind-mice-620x389.jpg\")
Reds v Chiefs match officials.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Japanese-620x310.jpg\")
JRU disciplinary committee.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Plane-and-rugby-ball-620x350.webp\")
\u2018Uz ut a bird? Uz ut a plane? Uz ut a fuffty twuntee-two?<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Les-Kiss.webp\")
\u2018Ahh shit, now I gotta go and talk to this lot\u2019 (Getty Images)<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/Homer.jpg\")
You heard it here first eventually!\u2019<\/p>\n