![\"Cindy](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/6b69abce499dc1a24ac7c622e537b364.jpeg\")
<\/p>\nCindy Mai has always known she would be the one to care for her aging parents.<\/p>\n
As the eldest daughter in a Vietnamese family, it was an unspoken expectation.<\/p>\n
The 49-year-old from Melbourne\/Naarm is a mother of two and primary carer for her own mother who lives with her. She is also a support to her dad.<\/p>\n
Cindy works full time at not-for-profit provider of in-home care, Care Connect, where she sees her own experiences play out for other culturally diverse Australians.<\/p>\n
Cindy says the hardest part is the guilt.<\/p>\n
“You do everything you can for your parents, for your kids, \u00a0but it never feels enough. I always feel guilty for not getting to everything,” she says.<\/p>\n
We spoke to Cindy about how her care responsibilities are shaped by culture, birth order and gender. And how this expectation mapped out her life.<\/p>\n
These are her words.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I needed to be a role model<\/p>\n
Cindy Mai had big responsibilities, even in childhood. (Supplied)<\/p>\n
I have a sister who is two years younger than me, and a brother who is seven years younger.<\/p>\n
My family arrived in Australia in 1983. Dad doesn’t have any siblings. Mum has 11, but none of them are here in Australia, so we are kind of alone here.<\/p>\n
There were no specific discussions about me stepping up for Mum and Dad when they got older, it was just a natural part of who I needed to be.<\/p>\n
I did hear a lot from Dad that “as the eldest sibling, your job is to look after your siblings. You need to be a role model”.<\/p>\n
If Dad was away for work, I would be the one taking my younger siblings to school and supporting Mum with our family business.<\/p>\n
Being the role model and stepping in for Mum and Dad was a big part of my life, but I didn’t know any different and it never felt like a burden.<\/p>\n
How caring has shaped my life![\"Cindy](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/e7bb879c94cb0510de2714a34dfb7e6b.jpeg\")
<\/p>\n
Cindy Mai, left, with her mum and younger sister. (Supplied)<\/p>\n
I’ve had to build up a lot of resilience over the years.<\/p>\n
I’ve had to operate my life in the way that was very efficient because there is a lot to get through in a day.<\/p>\n
It has impacted how I live my life.<\/p>\n
When I got married and we were expecting our first child, I wanted to move back to Brisbane where I grew up.<\/p>\n
I loved my childhood there, but knowing the responsibility ahead of me, I just couldn’t leave Melbourne and relocate.<\/p>\n
When my kids were older and we were looking at schools, I couldn’t even contemplate getting them into a school that required us to move. I wanted to stay close to my parents.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Being in the sandwich generation is very hard, super hard. And requires you juggling every day between parents, kids, your job, yourself.<\/p>\n
Self-care is always last on the list of priorities.<\/p>\n
Every minute of our life counts![\"Cindy](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/d1d79ec27ee0c50e3c35b0cec3866ac3.jpeg\")
<\/p>\n
Cindy Mai is a busy working mum of two, as well as a carer. (Supplied)<\/p>\n
We’ve got Mum with me, then my two children, and my husband. Ten minutes away is my sister, and same for my brother. I’m 15 minutes away from Dad.<\/p>\n
We are all very local and close to stay connected.<\/p>\n
Day to day, week to week, my life is super busy, super crazy, so every minute needs to be productive.<\/p>\n
My day starts before dawn when I get a lot of my work done before the family is awake. So I can spend time with my family when they are up<\/p>\n
Sometimes I’m home late due to after-hours meetings, which means I don’t get to have dinner with my family.<\/p>\n