![\"Kate](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/49339b8c6160da076725d1acc517b643fb8173ec.png\")
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Remove items from your saved list<\/a> to add more.<\/p>\n AAA<\/p>\n Kerry Milligan didn\u2019t just plan for her mother Emmie Silbery\u2019s death, they joked about it.<\/p>\n \u201cI used to say she\u2019d get a state funeral because Australia loved her,\u201d said Milligan, who, with Silbery and her daughter Isabelle, were favourites on the Network Ten show Gogglebox.<\/p>\n Milligan, 72, was Silbery\u2019s carer for seven years before her mother passed away in July.<\/p>\n \u201cI had everything in place for her, from her advanced care directive to her will and power of attorney,\u201d Milligan said. \u201cEverything ran reasonably smoothly because we planned well ahead.\u201d<\/p>\n Silbery is firmly in the minority. Just 14 per cent of people over 65 have advance care directives. Milligan was one of them.<\/p>\n Related Article \u201cI was too busy looking after Mum, I didn\u2019t finish putting anything in place for myself,\u201d she said. Until now.<\/p>\n Milligan sat down to answer five questions designed to help the adult children of ageing parents have one of the most important conversations of their lives, which many find too frightening or difficult to start.<\/p>\n The questions are part of a new guide called \u201cPut The Kettle On\u201d from Vera<\/a>, an online platform to support the \u201csandwich generation\u201d of adults<\/a> who are simultaneously caring for ageing parents and children.<\/p>\n The guide offers families a gentle \u201cin\u201d to a conversation less about end-of-life and more about what it means to their parents to live well in their last decades.<\/p>\n \u2018Put the kettle on\u2019: Five questions for the kitchen tableWhat makes a good day for you?\u00a0What does being independent look like to you?Who would be good to help when decisions need making?Where do your will and wishes stand right now?What would you most want people to know about you?<\/p>\n Clinical psychologist Jo Lamble recommends sitting down on the same side of the table with cups of tea on a quiet afternoon.<\/p>\n Listen more than talk, don\u2019t be afraid of silence, and stop if either person gets tired. You can come back to this later.\u00a0<\/p>\n Each question comes with follow-up questions if they are needed, such as: \u201cWhat are you most proud of?\u201d, \u201cIf you needed more help over time, what would be OK?\u201d and \u201cIs there anything you\u2019d be worried people who love you might get wrong about what you actually want?\u201d<\/p>\n Almost 60 per cent of Australians aged 45 to 70 are caring for ageing loved ones or expect to be within five to 10 years, and 88 per cent feel unprepared or overwhelmed by caregiving demands, suggests a survey of more than 1000 Australians commissioned by the Vera-affiliated organisation Violet.<\/p>\n Melissa Reader, Vera\u2019s founder, said adult children often found it frightening or too difficult to broach the topics, \u201cso people end up having these conversations and making important decisions at 2am in a hospital corridor because Mum or Dad has had a fall or an emergency presentation\u201d.<\/p>\n Clinical psychologist Jo Lamble, who devised the questions, said most people who try to talk to their parents about end-of-life will start with heavy topics such as their will or power of attorney.<\/p>\n Related Article \u201cIt can feel like the adult child is working out what\u2019s going to happen with their money,\u201d she said. \u201cWe want to start off really positively and signal that this is about hearing what you want.\u201d<\/p>\n Research shows family conflict can increase the likelihood of inappropriate end-of-life care.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re trying to lighten the load by saying that if you start having these conversations early and in a relaxed way, you can collate the information, share it among the family, then put it away, and it\u2019s done,\u201d Lamble said.<\/p>\n![\"Kerry](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/c60122bfbad00330b2f736790a31ef10db2a0104.jpeg\")
Kerry Milligan, 72, said death is the most inevitable thing about life but most people don\u2019t plan for it.Ruby Alexander<\/p>\n![\"Veteran](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/02a7af9dadd46c26b29606711b9c683a1eb9c858.jpeg\")
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![\"Isabelle](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/d047598ac660c1da5267f50c6fdc439c1d9f3778.jpeg\")
Isabelle and Emmie Silbery.Paul Jeffers<\/p>\n