We asked experts how you can begin healing from estrangement, whether that is through reconciliation or finding peace in accepting the relationship breakdown.<\/p>\n
What is estrangement?<\/p>\n
Estrangement is the emotional or physical separation between people where a formerly close relationship becomes distant, hostile, or ceases entirely.<\/p>\n
Counsellor Poli Zoungas, who works on Gadigal land in Sydney and in Naarm\/Melbourne, says estrangement may involve:<\/p>\n
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Poli Zoungas says sometimes reconciliation is not safe or appropriate.<\/p>\n
No contact or limited contactEmotional withdrawal despite ongoing interactionUnspoken tension, avoidance, or chronic conflict<\/p>\n
She says family estrangement is especially common, but it can also occur in romantic relationships, friendships, and workplace dynamics.<\/p>\n
It often carries feelings of “grief, anger, shame, self-doubt, relief, and unresolved longing”.<\/p>\n
“For many people, estrangement is not a single event but the result of long-term conflict, unmet emotional needs, boundary violations, or deep misunderstandings,” Ms Zoungas says.<\/p>\n
How to heal from an estrangement<\/p>\n
Rachael Sharman, a lecturer and researcher in psychology from the University of the Sunshine Coast, on Kabi Kabi lands, recommends people impacted by estrangement seek professional support.<\/p>\n
She says that could be through a counsellor, a psychologist,\u00a0or\u00a0a helpline.<\/p>\n
Family and domestic violence support services:<\/p>\n
“It’s not necessarily to deal with your emotions, it’s just to add a bit of an objective framework,” she says.<\/p>\n
“Counsellors or psychologists are very skilled at seeing patterns and dynamics that you can’t.<\/p>\n
“And then people can see a little bit more clearly what’s going on in the relationship.”<\/p>\n
Dr Sharman says that can also help people make decisions about whether they wish to continue the estrangement or if reconciliation is possible.<\/p>\n
Ms Zoungas says healing does not always mean reconciliation; it can be reducing emotional distress, gaining clarity and learning healthier ways to relate to others and to yourself.<\/p>\n
“The healing exists through time, which allows for a calming,” she says.<\/p>\n
“Whether you are seeking reconciliation, understanding, or peace \u2026 you do not have to navigate estrangement alone.”<\/p>\n
A gradual ‘letting-in process’<\/p>\n
After initiating a year-long estrangement from her parents, Anna, from New South Wales says she was “tired from the weight of the family hurt”.<\/p>\n
“I’ve spent a small fortune on therapy over the years,” says Anna (not her real name).<\/p>\n
“Working through both the ambiguous loss that comes from not having grown up in the safety of a healthy parent-child relationship and the impact it’s had on my adult relationships.”<\/p>\n
She says she decided to reconnect with her parents in a gradual “letting-in process”.<\/p>\n
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Experts say healing conversations cannot happen when emotions are overwhelming. (Pexels: Gulsah Aydogan)<\/p>\n
“I slowly allowed them back into my life,” she says.<\/p>\n
“Ultimately, I had to find a degree of peace with the reality that my parents will likely never fully recognise and understand the harm.<\/p>\n
“Ironically, accepting that realisation was cathartic in itself.”<\/p>\n
She says boundaries in the relationship were established in an “unspoken way”.<\/p>\n
“I believe our estrangement spoke volumes \u2026 I think everyone is more mindful of each other’s expectations and limits,” she says.<\/p>\n
“I’ve had a good relationship with my parents in recent years.<\/p>\n
“I don’t believe we’ll ever achieve real closeness due to our differences and the lack of trust between us, however we function as a family, which is a positive outcome.”<\/p>\n
More relationship stories:Relationship dynamics can change<\/p>\n
Ms Zoungas says in her experience, every estrangement dynamic is different and what works for one may not work for another.<\/p>\n
Before attempting to repair a relationship, she says it is essential to reflect on your emotional triggers, your role in the conflict and being aware of unmet needs and expectations.<\/p>\n
“This is not about self-blame, but responsibility and growth,” she says.<\/p>\n