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\n Photo-Illustration: Bravo\n <\/p>\n
I can\u2019t say enough how much I love that both of this show\u2019s cast trips were within Rhode Island itself, a state that\u2019s only \u200b\u200b1,034 square miles. In fact, the only time they even bothered to cross state lines was to go to South Boston, of all places \u2014 and yet I don\u2019t feel shortchanged out of a big, extravagant trip whatsoever. In fact, I don\u2019t need these women to ever leave Rhode Island, at least not until we\u2019ve gotten to see every single one of those magical square miles (which I estimate will take about a season and a half more to complete). Plus, who can complain when the gorgeous Block Island \u2014 which, unlike Rhode Island, is actually an island \u2014 is described as New England\u2019s Caribbean?<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a lot of repairing and resolution that needs to happen in this final episode, but luckily things start strong with Liz and Jo-Ellen pulling each other aside to talk things through on the beach. Both agree that there\u2019s a genuine friendship there, though trust was broken on both ends, so now they just have to figure out how to come back from this. Jo-Ellen says she doesn\u2019t want to rebuild from scratch and instead wants to just go back to how things were before. Though somewhat surprising given how poorly their last attempt went, they agree to call the fight water under the bridge and seal the deal with a hug and some light dry humping. There must be something magical about Block Island after all, but only time will tell if that magic will extend to Jo-Ellen and Rulla, who still doubts that Jo-Ellen\u2019s proof was well-meaning.<\/p>\n
As peace talks play out across the island, Alicia is doing what she does best \u2014 making me laugh. \u201cHe thinks he\u2019s Baywatch coming out of the water right now. He\u2019s got a big ass, all of his pants always fall off and his crack is always hanging out,\u201d she says as she watches Billy come out of the ocean. And later, when they\u2019re telling Jo-Ellen about Rulla and Brian\u2019s reaction to the video at her party, Alicia says, \u201cI thought he was gonna blow his load.\u201d Gasket, fuse, or lid, sure. But even Jo-Ellen couldn\u2019t help but point out to Alicia that that means cum.<\/p>\n
Speaking of Alicia and Billy, despite the problems that they may have (her name needs to be on that house, for example), I do love them as a couple, especially when I clocked that she really makes him laugh. So I was especially thrilled to see Billy take it upon himself to stage a re-do of their proposal from nine years ago, which Alicia tells us was anything but romantic. So this time around he does it right, with roses, candles, and getting down on one knee, all of which is awkwardly sweet and clearly means a lot to Alicia. \u201cBilly, I feel like we\u2019re destined to be together. I wouldn\u2019t have stuck around for this long, \u2018cause obviously you know, like, a lot of guys like me, let\u2019s be honest. You know this,\u201d she tells him. It\u2019s an engagement renewal, the first of its kind, and might mean that we get a big wedding next season? Let\u2019s hope.<\/p>\n
On the other end of the marriage spectrum, Jo-Ellen goes to have a private conversation with Rulla about the video of Brian cheating in the hopes of finally putting it to bed and moving on. She tells Rulla that she\u2019s not trying to overstep, but rather deliver the proof that she explicitly asked for. For her part, Rulla actually doesn\u2019t want to see it after all, saying she doesn\u2019t want headache and heartache over something that could be faked. \u201cAnybody can fake a timestamp,\u201d she says, but here\u2019s the thing: that\u2019s not true. Not everybody can do that, and in fact it\u2019s far more likely that it\u2019s a real timestamp, but she simply refuses to see what\u2019s in front of her, so c\u2019est la vie. She also thinks Jo-Ellen went about it the wrong way, \u201cWhen I was on my deathbed, when everybody was at the castle.\u201d On her deathbed with a full face of glam\u2026 sure. Ultimately, Jo-Ellen gets to say her piece, and now that it\u2019s all out there, she promises to move on and vows never to bring it up again.<\/p>\n
But while that conversation was happening upstairs, Brian was downstairs making a fool of her yet again. Gary pulled him aside to tell him to stop calling his wife a liar, and you could see him turn into a little wimp, shaking in his boots. He folds right away when confronted by Gary, who physically looms over him, and he admits that Jo-Ellen isn\u2019t a liar, and he admits to everything that she\u2019s accusing him of. Afterwards, when Gary tells Jo-Ellen this, she\u2019s gobsmacked, as is the rest of the group. She\u2019s been working on this story for a year, and now, finally, he just blurts it out, all the while Rulla is upstairs defending him to the death.<\/p>\n
As we settle into the final dinner of the season and Alicia tells them all about her re-proposal (\u201cI deserved it\u201d), you can already guess what\u2019s in store\u2026 a game. Kelsey passes around a bowl of clam shells with questions written on them as Liz gnaws on a corn on the cob. The game, designed to instigate (as all Housewives games are wont to do), has a slow start when Jared reveals something that nobody knows about him: \u201cI love Rhode Island.\u201d A hilariously boring nothing burger that Liz openly and fairly mocks him for.<\/p>\n
But the game takes a turn when Rulla pulls a question about the most embarrassing thing your partner has ever done in public. \u201cThat\u2019s God,\u201d Alicia says, but naturally Rulla passes it off to someone else, and instead is asked a question about who at the table is most likely to smile in her face while stabbing her in the back. While she would have said Jo-Ellen at the beginning of the summer, she now feels like she\u2019s in a good place with the whole table. But as she talks about the ups and downs, she starts to get emotional, and Alicia takes it upon herself to butt in and try to broker peace between her and Jo-Ellen, not realizing that they already did so upstairs. Jo-Ellen gets visibly annoyed with Alicia for strong-arming a redundant truce, and before you know it suddenly the whole table is openly talking about the situation. Rosie chimes in to tell Jo-Ellen that she did nothing wrong and that \u201cthe problem is sitting next to me.\u201d I\u2019m obsessed with how none of the women have any trepidation about dragging Brian through the mud directly to his face. Finally, Alicia puts the whole conversation to bed by saying it\u2019s \u201cdone, done, done, put it in the ocean and it\u2019s drowned.\u201d How can you argue with that? Especially from a woman who\u2019s apparently about to launch a crackah empire!<\/p>\n
As those final title cards start to roll with updates on how everybody\u2019s doing now, I realize something. There\u2019s this magical thing that happens on Bravo, when a finale episode is wrapping up but you realize that there\u2019s still ten minutes left in the episode. That\u2019s right \u2014 it\u2019s epilogue time. It\u2019s what happens when something went down post-filming and production had to pick up the cameras yet again. In this instance, one month after filming wrapped, Rulla\u2019s husband Brian was arrested for putting a tracking device on her car. With him facing a domestic violence charge and Rulla filing a no-contact order against him, we have a lot to catch up on, so the ladies all reconvene \u2014 though in two different groups.<\/p>\n
Rosie, Kelsey, and Alicia rush to Rulla\u2019s to get her side of the story. Ashley\u2019s there too, looking like she won some sort of fan contest. In true Rulla fashion, she downplays it. She says that based on a few comments Brian had made, she started to suspect that she was being tracked, so she went to BMW for them to check her car. They instead sent her to the police, who then arrested Brian. As for why he did it, she still hasn\u2019t gotten clarity on that because he dances around the question, so she had him go seek treatment to get to the bottom of his bizarre behavior as of late. When Kelsey bravely asks if there\u2019s any part of her that\u2019s now thankful for Jo-Ellen given this new development, Rulla maintains that Jo-Ellen went about it the wrong way. No matter what happens, she\u2019s never going to admit Jo-Ellen was right. Even though she very much was.<\/p>\n
Speaking of, while the other ladies are all with Rulla, Jo-Ellen meets up with Liz to talk about the situation, arriving with pie and chocolate like it\u2019s a national holiday. She\u2019s absolutely beaming and can\u2019t hide her unabashed giddiness. And you know what, she earned the right to be giddy after facing attacks from that dweeb all season. On top of that, she reveals that, apparently, The Mistress was the one who picked Brian up from jail. Not since Big Papa have I been so fascinated with a character who never appears on screen, but this mistress seems to be a special kind of crazy that I\u2019m inherently compelled by.<\/p>\n
That being said, we know that as we sit here today, Rulla and Brian are still together \u2014 and thankfully, both will be at the reunion, where they\u2019re going to have a lot of questions to answer. Perhaps Rulla hoped her nose job would be enough of a distraction, but no such luck; we\u2019re still going to need her to answer for everything that went down during this insane and beautiful gift of a season.<\/p>\n
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