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Each week, Good Weekend\u2019s how-to column<\/a> shares expert advice on how to navigate some of modern life\u2019s big \u2013 and small \u2013 challenges. This week: How to forgive.<\/p>\n The first question might be, \u201cShould I forgive?\u201c, suggests Luke Russell, professor of philosophy at Sydney University and author of Real Forgiveness. Resentment, he explains, lies at the heart of every grudge, but it can be protective. \u201cIt prompts the person who\u2019s been wronged to stand up for themselves and face their wrongdoer, who might say, \u2018I\u2019ve hurt you: I feel guilty and want to apologise.\u2019\u2009\u201d It can keep you safe from further harm and pave the way for moral reform.<\/p>\n He reminds me that Taylor Swift, queen of the grudge banger, is famously cautious when it comes to forgiving her \u201chaters\u201d<\/a>. \u201cYou don\u2019t have to forgive and forget to move on,\u201d she told CBS. \u201cIf something\u2019s toxic, and it\u2019s only ever been that, what are you gonna do?\u201d Forgive an unrepentant transgressor, she\u2019s saying, and you risk becoming a doormat.<\/p>\n It\u2019s an alternative view in a modern society shaped by Christianity, self-help gurus and media tsar Oprah Winfrey, who generally espouse a model of unconditional forgiveness (the victim forgives her offender, regardless of whether they\u2019re repentant).<\/p>\n Related Article \u201cImportantly, Oprah justifies forgiveness, not by pointing to the benefits that flow to the person who\u2019s been forgiven, but to the benefits that are gained by the victim herself,\u201d says Russell. Science is certainly on her side: recent reports reveal that hard-baked anger is a significant physiological burden, flooding our nervous system with cortisol and raising our blood pressure.<\/p>\n But let\u2019s assume the wrongdoer is no longer a threat; maybe they\u2019re even dead. How do we go about releasing the negative emotion around an unacknowledged hurt?<\/p>\n One: try to understand the perspective of the person who\u2019s hurt you, says Russell: \u201cMaybe you\u2019ll start to feel some sympathy for them.\u201d<\/p>\n Two: ask yourself, \u201cWhat am I getting from this continued resentment?\u201d \u201cIf the answer\u2019s, \u2018Nothing useful\u2019, you might conclude that it\u2019s just something to get rid of\u201d \u2013 an excellent pathway, he adds, if your offender\u2019s no longer alive.<\/p>\n Three: go high and simply bask in the warm benevolence of committing a good deed. \u201cYou might think, \u2018I need to be the better person here\u2019,\u2009\u201d says Russell; also, perhaps, \u201cI\u2019m sick of being in this hate rut.\u201d<\/p>\n Four: consider whether you\u2019ve ever harmed someone in the same way. \u201cJust maybe,\u201d he suggests, \u201cit\u2019d be hypocritical for you to maintain the rage.\u201d Ask yourself what you\u2019d want from your victim: their unending rancour or their mercy?<\/p>\n Unlike an apology, he says, forgiveness doesn\u2019t need to be \u201creceived\u201d by the wrongdoer in order to assuage years of pent-up ire and usher in a new era of peace.<\/p>\n Get the best of Good Weekend delivered to your inbox every Saturday morning. Sign up for our newsletter<\/a>.<\/p>\n More from How to …<\/p>\n Save<\/p>\n You have reached your maximum number of saved items.<\/p>\n![\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/bb3d857fba57d2c5f08591dfd5c56d913ecc52b8.jpeg\")
Photo: Simon Letch<\/p>\n![\"dd\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/e1dad05f483017d5bed43d9a441992eac83689cc.jpeg\")
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