{"id":835604,"date":"2026-07-31T12:28:15","date_gmt":"2026-07-31T12:28:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/835604\/"},"modified":"2026-07-31T12:28:15","modified_gmt":"2026-07-31T12:28:15","slug":"things-i-have-never-done-on-the-golf-course","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/835604\/","title":{"rendered":"Things I have never done on the golf course"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\tI have witnessed many things on the golf course that have left me open-mouthed<\/a> – dreadful behaviour, flagrant breaking of the rules, foul language. There are some things I have done of which I am not especially proud.<\/p>\n

\tIt got me thinking about the things I have never done and would never do.<\/p>\n

\tSo, without further ado\u2026<\/p>\n

\tHit the ball into a grandstand and been given free relief without finding my ball<\/p>\n

\tI was staggered to see Scottie Scheffler hit a dreadful second shot at the 17th hole at Royal Birkdale that saw his ball disappear somewhere into the giant hospitality and then be given a free drop even though nobody knew where his ball had finished.<\/p>\n

\tHit a 400-yard drive<\/p>\n

\tI have driven several par fours measuring in excess of 300 yards and, with the help of rock-hard fairways, I have even stretched the odd one out to 350 yards. But 400 yards is beyond my wildest dreams.<\/p>\n

\tWillingly used a buggy<\/p>\n

\tI believe that, if you can, then a golf course is there to be walked. And that is why I am not a fan of playing in America, where most clubs insist that you take a buggy. Now you would think that this would speed up the pace of play, but this is America\u2026<\/p>\n

\tTaken five putts<\/p>\n

\t\"Putting\"<\/p>\n

\tI have, of course, three-putted, more times than I care to remember. I have also taken four putts a few times, usually as a result of sheer carelessness and frustration. But I have never five-putted. Yet!<\/p>\n

\tTaken an alcoholic drink on the golf course<\/p>\n

\tThis is a hard enough game as it is so why on earth would anybody swig beer while playing? I do have one admission – during the winter I do carry a hip flask filled with Scotland\u2019s finest export.<\/p>\n

\tThrown a club into a lake<\/p>\n

\tI have watched in disbelief as players such as Rory McIlroy have tossed clubs into lakes after hitting a poor shot. I would never consider such a thing (knowing my luck, I would probably miss) but I have to pay for my clubs.<\/p>\n

\tDeliberately improved my lie<\/p>\n

\tBryson DeChambeau was penalised two shots at Royal Birkdale for “inadvertently” improving his lie in the rough. Hand on heart, I can say I have never done such a thing.<\/p>\n

\tNot shouted “fore” when ball heading towards other players (or spectators)<\/p>\n

\tNothing infuriates me more about the professional game than their reluctance to shout “fore” when a full-blooded drive is heading towards a group of spectators. I have been hit by a golf ball three times – and it hurts!<\/p>\n

\tCalled for a referee for a ruling<\/p>\n

\tChance would be a fine thing! In our world if we are in any doubt we consult our playing partners, reach a consensus and move on.<\/p>\n

\tNot hit a provisional<\/p>\n

\tIf I hit a drive into trees or thick rough I ALWAYS hit a provisional. Why wouldn\u2019t you?<\/p>\n

\tHeld anybody up<\/p>\n

\tI was taught to be aware of what is going on around me at all times on the golf course. Is there anything worse than getting stuck behind a painfully slow group who simply refuse to wave you through?<\/p>\n

\tWorn a collarless top<\/p>\n

\tI have committed many fashion crimes on the course, but I simply refuse to wear a top without a collar. They should be reserved for the sunbed!<\/p>\n

\tHad an albatross<\/p>\n

\tI have been lucky enough to have had four holes in one. I have eagled several par fives and a few par fours. But an albatross has always eluded me.<\/p>\n

\tAbused a caddie<\/p>\n

\tI could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times somebody has caddied for me but the deal was always that I would make my own club selection and shot choices. Verbally abusing a caddie is unforgivable.<\/p>\n

\tIn truth, there are many things on this list that I wouldn\u2019t want to do. But I still live in hope that somehow, somewhere I might get a lucky bounce with a 40mph wind at my back and hit that elusive 400-yard drive.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I have witnessed many things on the golf course that have left me open-mouthed – dreadful behaviour, flagrant…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":835605,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[566],"tags":[64,63,755,85],"class_list":["post-835604","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-golf","tag-au","tag-australia","tag-golf","tag-sports"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/835604","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=835604"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/835604\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/835605"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=835604"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=835604"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=835604"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}