{"id":847414,"date":"2026-08-08T01:26:17","date_gmt":"2026-08-08T01:26:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/847414\/"},"modified":"2026-08-08T01:26:17","modified_gmt":"2026-08-08T01:26:17","slug":"erin-holland-opens-up-about-pregnancy-and-her-feelings-about-motherhood-after-five-years-of-infertility-and-ivf-exclusive","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/847414\/","title":{"rendered":"Erin Holland opens up about pregnancy and her feelings about motherhood after five years of infertility and IVF | Exclusive"},"content":{"rendered":"

For Erin Holland the road to pregnancy<\/a> spanned years, with 20 rounds of IVF to get here and there\u2019s a big part of her that still doesn\u2019t really believe it\u2019s actually happening.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t have this glamorised idea of what pregnancy would be like, and I think I lost that a very long time ago,\u201d the presenter and model<\/a> told nine.com.au.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Erin Holland is just weeks away from welcoming her first bub but admits she\u2019s barely considered parenting after a five-year battle with infertility to get here. \u00a0Instagram\/@erinvholland<\/p>\n

\u201cAfter 20 rounds of IVF, and I had four miscarriages along the way\u2026 so after all of that, I didn\u2019t think I\u2019d get this far.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

Despite being well into her third trimester now, Holland, 37, admitted that she feels like she\u2019s been \u201clooking over her shoulder\u201d the whole time.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI feel like I\u2019ve been waiting for it to go wrong the whole time, which is really sad,\u201d she said.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m starting to get excited now, which is nice, now that we\u2019re sort of so far into it and everything\u2019s going OK.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

For Holland, the experience of years of infertility<\/a> has given her a different perspective and appreciation for pregnancy.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think the thing that I\u2019ve noticed the most just through sharing my own story with the wider community is, it\u2019s so common that people struggle and struggle in silence,\u201d she said.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd just because it was hard to get pregnant, doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re gonna have a smooth pregnancy, or it doesn\u2019t mean your birth\u2019s gonna go smoothly, it doesn\u2019t mean early childhood\u2019s gonna go smoothly and I think I\u2019m just so aware of that.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m just waiting for the next disaster, and I know it\u2019s terrible.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Ben<\/p>\n

Erin and her husband Ben Cutting are slowly getting more excited about the idea that their little one is arriving soon. \u00a0Instagram\/erinvholland<\/p>\n

For Holland and her husband, cricketer<\/a> Ben Cutting, they waited until she was at the 23-week mark before they announced the news of her pregnancy publicly<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

With her history of pregnancy losses<\/a>, she explained the hardest thing has always been falling pregnant and staying pregnant, that she hasn\u2019t even considered being a parent.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI haven\u2019t even thought about the fact that I have to parent on the other side,\u201d she admitted.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cSo now I\u2019m like, \u2018Oh my God, I better get organised. What do I actually need?\u2019\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

For Holland, it was so hard to just stay pregnant that now the reality of becoming a mum in a few weeks has hit and while it\u2019s been daunting, she said it\u2019s been a fun realisation as well.\u00a0 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know that sounds insane to say, but yeah, I genuinely haven\u2019t even given the actual parenting much thought, because it\u2019s just seemed like a bridge too far,\u201d she explained.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cYou kind of get stuck in this bit of a sick cycle of thinking you\u2019re gonna jinx everything.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause every time you allowed yourself to get excited, it all came crashing down.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd the more it happened, obviously, the more excited you let yourself get, the harder that fall was.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cSo it\u2019s been really hard to sort of admit it\u2019s happening to allow yourself to be excited.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Erin went through 20 rounds of IVF and four miscarriages before getting pregnant with this baby. \u00a0Instagram\/@erinvholland<\/p>\n

The Miss World alumni said it\u2019s hard to respond when people ask if she\u2019s excited about the baby<\/a> because while she is, she feels like she\u2019s almost been conditioned to believe it won\u2019t work out.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cThat personal feeling of inadequacy is a really strange one, because logically, I know it\u2019s, it\u2019s not my fault, and I didn\u2019t make my body the way that it is,\u201d she said. <\/p>\n

Holland has several health issues which make it hard to conceive including Asherman\u2019s syndrome, PCO (polycystic ovaries), which is why they had to go down the road of IVF. <\/p>\n

While she understands that she did nothing to make this happen, there is a sense of \u201cmy body is a failure\u201d despite knowing how illogical that is. <\/p>\n

\u201cSo, I am still waiting for the penny to drop that this is real, but I\u2019m getting to a point now where I can\u2019t avoid it, and it is parenting coming, and I need to figure out what the hell to do,\u201d she laughed.\u00a0<\/p>\n

After over five years to get to this point, even Holland said that she thinks it won\u2019t sink in until she\u2019s in the hospital with her baby in her arms.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI genuinely think so, which is really, really sad,\u201d she said.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Although she joked that maybe the reality will sink in a bit more when she and Cutting can agree on a name.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The couple don\u2019t know the gender of their baby and she said that names have been the biggest issue lately and joked it\u2019s like \u201cWorld War 3\u201d while they try to decide on one.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

With so many years of disappointment behind her, Erin admitted that working has kept her sane through this pregnancy. \u00a0Instagram\/@erinvholland<\/p>\n

Aside from struggling to accept the fact that this baby is coming in a matter of weeks, Holland admitted work has helped her the most throughout this journey.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cMy work has genuinely kept me sane, and, and given me something else to get up for every day and to be busy,\u201d she explained.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cThe first couple of rounds (of IVF) you throw everything into it, and it\u2019s so regimented, and like, this is this and this, and then it gets to a point where you\u2019re like, I can\u2019t. I actually have to try and live my life, because it felt like I stopped living whilst I was trying to create a life, if that makes sense.\u201d<\/p>\n

Early on in this pregnancy it was \u201cbusiness as normal\u201d for Holland and trying to stay positive and not get lost in negative thoughts, so she didn\u2019t stop working.<\/p>\n

\u201cI hosted the World Cup in India and Sri Lanka in my first trimester, because I was well, and I could, and I went to New York for work, sort of, beginning of March, when I was about like 14 to 15 weeks,\u201d she explained.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI was advised that I shouldn\u2019t travel from 20 weeks onwards, just in case, because of the high-risk nature of the pregnancy, so I haven\u2019t gone overseas since then.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cOtherwise, I\u2019m just trying to work as much as I can.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Erin and Ben have kept the gender of their baby a surprise. \u00a0Instagram\/@erinvholland<\/p>\n

And when it comes to advice for anyone who is going through recurrent loss of infertility, the biggest piece of advice Holland wanted to share is that everyone\u2019s situation is different.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cEveryone\u2019s body is so completely different that I think I, I love that we can all be there for each other as a sounding board,\u201d she said.\u00a0<\/p>\n

While every situation is different, the only thing she will say is that if you are struggling, go and get a second opinion. <\/p>\n

The Red Nose Grief and Loss Support Line is available 24\/7 for anyone affected by pregnancy loss on 1300 308 307.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"For Erin Holland the road to pregnancy spanned years, with 20 rounds of IVF to get here and…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":847415,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[64,63,134],"class_list":["post-847414","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-entertainment","tag-au","tag-australia","tag-entertainment"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/847414","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=847414"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/847414\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/847415"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=847414"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=847414"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=847414"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}