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Over the past few years, Em Rusciano ended her marriage, re-entered the dating world in her mid-40s, re-built her life as a single parent \u2013 and began questioning the stories women are told about love, identity and success.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy whole life, I was conditioned to believe I wasn\u2019t a successful woman until I was chosen,\u201d says the comedian, singer<\/a>, author<\/a> and podcaster<\/a>, who will tour her new live show, Addicted to Love<\/a>, in September. \u201cNot just chosen by romantic partners but chosen by my friends, my parents, the workplace and the public. And ironically, my job involves having people choose me over and over again.\u201d<\/p>\n Rusciano and her ex-partner were together for 25 years. Naturally, the end of any long-term relationship involves some degree of pain, upheaval and uncertainty.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n \u201cBut it wasn\u2019t a failure, it was just an ending,\u201d she says. \u201cWe have three beautiful kids, we\u2019re still great friends and we\u2019re going to be in each other\u2019s lives forever.<\/p>\n \u201cOften, women get to midlife and our estrogen, which is the nurturing hormone, is leaving our bodies. We look at our lives and we\u2019re like, \u2018Jesus Christ, I don\u2019t want this any more<\/a>! I don\u2019t want to be a martyr; I don\u2019t want to be the chef, the cook, the cleaner, the psychologist, the chauffeur, the organiser, the curator, the organiser. I\u2019m exhausted and I\u2019ve got nothing left for myself.\u2019 And we get to that point too often and too late. If I can grab the 20-year-olds and 30-year-olds \u2013 and if I can teach men to take on more of the load \u2013 I think that will help those coming up behind me.<\/p>\n \u201cWomen are told you\u2019ve got to sacrifice everything and set yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm; that you can contort yourself into lots of different shapes so that you are the one who is chosen. And I really interrogated that idea while writing this show.\u201d<\/p>\n Worst habit?<\/p>\n Convincing myself I\u2019ll remember something without writing it down. Once, I stranded my entire family in Italy because, in my brain, I knew the flight left at 9am on Tuesday and I didn\u2019t need to check. But it was 9pm [the day prior] and we missed the flights completely and had to stay at the airport. This is an example of the ADHD tax, and it happens to me weekly. I can talk to you about Britney Spears\u2019 emotional breakdown in 2007, or who the queens were on season six of RuPaul\u2019s Drag Race All Stars, but I couldn\u2019t tell you where my keys are. I don\u2019t choose which facts my brain remembers.<\/p>\n I\u2019m also impatient \u2013 and I blame my tiny, Italian, constantly-in-motion father, Vincie<\/a>. I had about three seconds to master any skill, from tying my shoelaces to welding something onto a car. If I didn\u2019t, he\u2019d say, \u201cGet out of the way, I\u2019ll do it!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI used to believe that parts of me were broken; that I was a lesser human.\u201d<\/p>\n Em Rusciano<\/p>\n Greatest fear?<\/p>\n Being misunderstood \u2013 not by people who know me; they know I\u2019m quite blunt but well-meaning. But my whole life, I\u2019ve been haunted by people thinking they know what I\u2019m saying, or making assumptions about me from a snippet or a line [from something I\u2019ve said publicly]. That\u2019s why I\u2019m an over-sharer; I think that if I string enough of the right words together, a person will change their mind about me. <\/p>\n The older I get, the more I learn that clarity is my responsibility but how someone interprets me isn\u2019t. Part of being autistic is justice sensitivity: if you feel there\u2019s a wrong being done, it physically hurts until you can make it right.<\/p>\n The line that has stayed with you?<\/p>\n Until a week ago, I would have said Dolly Parton\u2019s character [Truvy Jones] in Steel Magnolias saying: \u201cLaughter through tears is my favorite emotion.\u201d But I was watching a video from Sam Neill and he said something very simple: \u201cSpiral up, because so much of society is spiralling down at the moment.\u201d When I heard that, it did something to me. I\u2019m financing this tour for the first time in my life and there\u2019s been a lot of worry and sleepless nights, and then I remembered Sam and thought, \u201cWhat if the people who have supported you for the past 20 years do come? What if I trust in that and stop worrying about ticket sales?\u201d<\/p>\n Related Article Biggest regret?<\/p>\n After Australian Idol [Rusciano competed in season two of the TV talent contest], we flew to Sydney to do a cast recording. But it was the same day that Blade: Trinity premiered; I was so focused on being on time to the red carpet that I just phoned in my studio performance of If I Ain\u2019t Got You by Alicia Keys. I didn\u2019t appreciate how rare it is to be in a studio with great musicians and producers; I didn\u2019t understand how lucky I was to be given that opportunity.<\/p>\n Tell us about your turning point\u2026<\/p>\n Learning I had ADHD at 42, and then my autism diagnosis at 45<\/a>. It blew up everything I believed about myself. I\u2019d held a lot of shame over the things I struggle with in life and socially, but it also helped make sense of the things I\u2019m really good at. I used to believe that parts of me were broken<\/a>; that I was a lesser human. I was also really sensitive to external stimuli and lights and sounds and smells. Just existing was exhausting, and I\u2019d often think, \u201cWhy, after going to Coles, do you feel like you\u2019ve been fighting for your life among a pack of bears?\u201d With autism in women, there\u2019s a lot of crossover in how it shows up with ADHD and, at my age, perimenopause symptoms. I used to wonder why everything upset me but the flipside is that I\u2019m in a constant state of awe and excitement, and I\u2019m relentlessly curious.<\/p>\n The artwork or song you wish was yours?<\/p>\n The financially responsible answer would be All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey but creatively, it\u2019s Kate Bush\u2019s Running Up That Hill. It\u2019s not really about love; it\u2019s about swapping places with someone so they understand you better. As someone with invisible disabilities, who fears being misunderstood, it\u2019s always resonated with me.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n If you could time-travel, where would you go?<\/p>\n 30 West 21st Street in Manhattan \u2013 the Danceteria nightclub \u2013 around 1983 [when club regular Madonna was on the cusp of stardom]. For me, that\u2019s where pop culture began. I\u2019ve streamed Confessions II a million times and I can confidently say it\u2019s Madonna\u2019s best album by a long shot<\/a>. She was the first short-haired, muscular, Italian woman I saw other than myself. Madonna made me feel OK to be me, and I\u2019ve loved her ever since.<\/p>\n![\"Former](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/6db7918ed1091dcc1bccf3683efc66d7bd42611a.jpeg\")
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