From a life tracing the black line three metres below the water\u2019s surface, to one marked by shades of grey, Ariarne Titmus is still adapting. Now 26, and two years removed from her final competitive event, she recognises her excellence as a swimmer only partly prepared her for what came next.<\/p>\n
\u201cI look at a lot of things in my life pretty black and white, which is probably not a good way to be sometimes,\u201d she says. \u201cIn my swimming career, I was all or nothing. I was win or lose. I was achieve it, or fail. And I guess that\u2019s not a great way to be in life.\u201d<\/p>\n
The challenges of the present are more nuanced than times and tumble-turns. Titmus is pursuing a career in media while building a new life in Melbourne with her fiance Mac Powell, after becoming engaged last month. This week she is on a tour to promote the release of her memoir, Relentless, co-written with the former journalist Phil Lutton.<\/p>\n
Titmus was dubbed \u201cArnie\u201d as a play on her name, but it also reflected a ruthless, almost robotic approach to competition akin to the Terminator<\/a>. Reflecting on her young life, however, she is open and thoughtful, and very much aware of her mortality. She describes two cysts removed from her right ovary \u2013 \u201cmade up of cartilage and \u2026 my colour hair, like it had been pulled out of a hairbrush\u201d \u2013 with unvarnished honesty. The implications for her fertility due to these \u201cmonstrous-looking things\u201d is one part of her life that is no longer simply win or lose.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve definitely tried to change my outlook on a few areas of my life and not live with that super intense mindset that I had to have to be successful in the pool,\u201d she says. \u201cBecause I don\u2019t have to be like that any more.\u201d<\/p>\n Ariarne Titmus\u2019s memoir Relentless is being released this week. Photograph: Julian Kingma<\/p>\n Her four Olympic gold medals, alongside three silver and one bronze, made her one of Australia\u2019s most recognisable athletes. Her book details how she moved to Brisbane as a teenager to further her career, and came under the tutelage of Dean Boxall. The flamboyant coach features heavily in the book \u2013 229 times his name is mentioned in 304 pages \u2013 and she described their relationship as \u201cintense, emotional, joyous, trying at times and increasingly complex\u201d.<\/p>\n The tome is scattered with examples of Boxall\u2019s motivational psychology, including once when he made a song and dance about Summer McIntosh bettering the 400m world record of Titmus. \u201cArnie\u2019s world record is GONE,\u201d Boxall shouted in front of their swimming squad, in a moment that Titmus remembers as \u201cdisrespectful and demeaning\u201d. Ultimately, she felt the tactic \u2013 and Boxall\u2019s approach generally \u2013 did get the best out of her in her long-running rivalry with American Katie Ledecky.<\/p>\n \u201cI hope that when people read the book, they understand in the tough moments when we had a few blow-ups \u2013 and he certainly pushed me extremely hard \u2013 that they understand the context that it was in.<\/p>\n \u201cWe were trying to be the best that we possibly could be and win at the Olympic Games. And in order to win, we had to take down the greatest ever, so it was quite an unusual challenge. The trust I had in him meant that whatever direction we had to take, I believed it was the right way.\u201d<\/p>\n Titmus says while other young swimmers need compliments and encouragement, she was tuned to another wavelength. \u201cI need to be held accountable and pushed and given that \u2018bad cop\u2019 reaction,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n \u201cFor sure, some days I\u2019d get frustrated that I have guys next to me in the pool swimming nowhere near as well as I was and they\u2019re getting rained on with accolades, and I\u2019d get nothing. But I knew that it was all for a bigger cause, and that\u2019s the way that we had to do it. And I wouldn\u2019t change a thing.\u201d<\/p>\n Dean Boxall celebrates as Titmus wins gold in the 400m freestyle final at the 2024 Paris Olympics. Photograph: Sarah Stier\/Getty Images<\/p>\n The pair are still close. They no longer talk much about swimming, though, apart from reminiscing from time to time. She says she looks forward to his reaction to the book, and hopes he can laugh at the anecdotes collected from their time together. Most of all, she just hopes for the best for Boxall.<\/p>\n \u201cI just always check in and make sure he\u2019s OK, because what you see on the pool deck is like 1% of his passion that he exudes every day,\u201d Titmus says.<\/p>\n \u201cHe puts so much of his life into his job as a coach, he\u2019s so passionate about it that sometimes I worry what would he do if he didn\u2019t have it? Sometimes I worry that he doesn\u2019t put himself first.\u201d<\/p>\n Titmus in Paris, with one of her four Olympic gold medals. Photograph: John Walton\/PA<\/p>\n