We’ve made it past Labor Day, which I suppose means it’s no longer Slow News Summer. But without much going on in the NHL world quite yet, I hope you’ll forgive me if I squeeze in a few more entries from my list of weird ideas.
Today’s question: Who wins between a team made up of players who have unique first names, or a team of players who have two first names?
In other words, we’re looking for a team full of guys who are the only player in NHL history to have a specific first name, and another full of guys whose last name is also a common first name. It should be simple enough, as long as you’re not the poor sap who has to do all the research. Which as luck would have it, you are not.
But first, a few ground rules™:
• We’ll be using Hockey-Reference as the arbiter of what a player’s “official” first name was, and I will pause here to beg you to check their database before you yell at me about a name you’re sure I’ve overlooked. Crucially, this means we’re allowing for common abbreviations if that’s what a player went by — we don’t care that Gordie Howe’s birth certificate said “Gordon,” because nobody ever called him that. He’s a Gordie.
• One important exception: While we usually count nicknames if that’s what a player always went by, we won’t allow them here. It just feels like it doesn’t fit the spirit of the thing if we let Team Unique Names use guys like Tiny Thompson, Gump Worsley and Tiger Williams. We will allow first names made up of initials, as long as that’s what the player always went by.
• For Team Two Names, we need a way to determine what should count, since in theory anything could be a first name if your parents are goofy enough. Our rule will be that something is a “common” first name if there are at least three other players in NHL history who went by it. And to keep the same names from showing up over and over, we’ll limit ourselves to using each one once.
• To state what I’d hope would be the obvious: close doesn’t count. Will is not William, Stevens is not Steven, Pierre-Luc is not Pierre, etc. Spelling has to be an exact match, although we won’t get caught up with accents or pronunciation because I’m still scarred over how many of you got weird about regional dialects in this piece.
Let’s do this. We’re building a full roster of 13 forwards, 7 defensemen and three goalies. Go ahead and see if you can come up with a few options of your own, and then we’ll start building from the net out…
Goalies
We’ll start with what will quickly become a theme of this post: agonizing near misses for Team Unique Names. Four of the best goalies from the modern era fall just short of unique name status thanks to exactly one other player from NHL history: Roberto Luongo (thanks to 1980s goalie Roberto Romano), Pekka Rinne (’70s defenseman Pekka Rautakallio), Miikka Kiprusoff (2010s winger Miikka Salomäki) and Carey Price (’80s center Carey Wilson).
That’s not to say that Team Unique Names doesn’t have any options. They can start with a Hall of Famer, albeit one who had to wait a few decades for the honor, in Rogie Vachon. He’ll be backed up by a Vezina winner in Tuukka Rask. And while we could make a case for a current star to get the third spot in Thatcher Demko, I’m going to go with Olaf Kolzig. That’s partly because his 303 wins sets a high bar for Demko to chase down, but mainly because having a guy named Olie the Goalie is just too perfect for a names-based piece.
That’s a pretty solid trio. Can Team Two Names match up? Well… yeah.
We’ll start with Patrick Roy, who needs our “pronunciation doesn’t matter” rule but is otherwise an obvious pick thanks to the six Roys (including HHOFers Conacher and Worters) who’ve played in the NHL. He’s arguably the greatest of all time, but we have another option who actually had one year where he was even better, so let’s pencil in Rask’s old pal Tim Thomas as our backup. And we’ll round out our group with a guy who should be in the Hall of Fame thanks to his 454 wins, Curtis Joseph.
While with the Colorado Avalanche, Patrick Roy set a then-NHL record of 448 career wins in October 2000. He finished with 551 but was later passed by Martin Brodeur. (Doug Pensinger / Getty Images)
One position in, and this one isn’t all that close. Team Unique Names is good, but Team Two Names is absolutely fantastic. We’ve still got plenty of roster to go, though, so let’s try the blue line…
Defensemen
Team Unique Names gets off to another tough start here, as arguably the two best blueliners in the world today are near-misses. Cale Makar and Quinn Hughes would make for a hell of a pairing, but unfortunately Makar doesn’t make it thanks to fellow defensemen Hulse and Fleury. Worse, Hughes misses the cut thanks to an infuriating two late-season games from Quinn “Brother of Lane” Hutson on last year’s Oilers – the only two games ever played in the NHL by a player whose first name was Quinn but whose last name wasn’t Hughes.
To pile on, we also miss out on Zdeno Chara thanks to one guy, Zdeno Ciger. And we lose two more excellent blue line options when the only two players named Shea in NHL history, Weber and Theodore, cancel each other out.
Still, we can at least start the uniques off with a slam dunk Hall of Famer in Borje Salming. We’ll pair him with a fellow HHOFer in old-timer Sprague Cleghorn, arguably the league’s greatest defenseman during its first decade.
Meanwhile, Team Two Names gets off to a great start with Doug Harvey, who was the consensus best defenseman ever until Bobby Orr came along. He qualifies thanks to the five Harveys who’ve played in the NHL, although it’s become one of those forgotten hockey names; there hasn’t been one since Harvey Bennett in 1979. That’s still good enough to get Doug on the list, and we’ll pair him with a fellow Original Six stalwart in Red Kelly. Five players in, Team Two Names is dominating.
While he may not be quite as well-known, we can get one more HHOFer onto Team Unique Names, as Sylvio Mantha qualifies for the squad; he was a longtime Canadien in the pre-Original Six era who once finished fourth in MVP voting. We’ll pair him with a more recent Canadien who won’t make the Hall, but who I believe is this squad’s only Norris winner: P.K. Subban, who’ll also end up as our only set of unique first-name initials.
Team Two Names can find two more HHOFers in Rob Blake, who Kings fans will agree was a better defenseman than GM, as well as Oilers legend Duncan Keith. The good news is that’s a great pair. The bad news is their depth is about to drop off badly.
Each team still needs a third pair plus a depth guy, and Team Unique Names has an impressive list to choose from. We could find a spot for Kimmo Timonen, or Sandis Ozoliņš, or maybe Teppo Numminen. Carol Vadnais is an option, as is Torey Krug. We could even make a case for Dougie Hamilton — the league has seen a ton of guys named Doug and a few who went by Douglas, but according to Hockey-Reference only one who specifically went by Dougie. I’m not sure my early ’90s Leafs fandom would let me get away with that one, but luckily we have enough options that we won’t need to try.
So instead, let’s build a hard-hitting third pair from Dion Phaneuf and Derian Hatcher, two former captains who’ll force Team Two Names to keep their heads up. And for our depth spot, let’s go with a current star in Hampus Lindholm.
Hampus Lindholm led the entire league in plus-minus during the 2022-23 season with a plus-49. (Rich Gagnon / Getty Images)
That’s a strong finish for Team Unique Names. Meanwhile, Team Two Names is struggling for the first time. One of the things that happens with an exercise like this is that you end up fighting the nagging doubt that you’re missing some better picks along the way, and maybe that’s happening to me here. But I went through just about every list of great defensemen I could find, and double-names were hard to come by past the four we already have. Put it this way: I was furious to find out that I couldn’t use Tyson Barrie because Barrie Meissner and Barrie Moore left me one short of our three-player rule. In the end, I’m giving the final spots to Bob Murray, Derek Morris and Ian Cole.
Team Two Names has the best player in Doug Harvey, but Team Unique Names dominates in terms of top-to-bottom depth. That’s enough to close some of the gap that opened up after the goalies, although Team Two Names is still comfortably in the lead.
We’ll get to the forwards in a minute, but this feels like as good a place as any to toss out a trivia question that you may be wondering about: Are there any players who would qualify for both teams because their first name was unique in hockey history but their last was a common first name?
I’m pretty sure there are several players who’d fit both criteria. There would almost have to be. But while digging into this piece, I only found one guy that was good enough for me to consider using for the rosters. He’s a guy who played in multiple All-Star Games, and he just barely qualifies — there’s a slightly more common spelling of his first name that multiple players have had, and his last name applies to only three players in NHL history, although one of those is a Hall of Famer. A final nudge: It’s a name you definitely know if you’ve read my stuff over the years.
Chew on that while we move on to our forwards…
Forwards
We’ll get to the near-misses for Team Unique Names in a minute, but for once that’s not the main story. Instead, I’m just going to cut to the chase and throw their top line at you. How does a unit of Sidney Crosby, Jaromir Jagr and Jarome Iginla grab you?
That’s a little over 2,000 NHL goals and almost 5,000 points, if you’re keeping track. It might be the single best line we’ve ever had for one of these fake roster challenges. And it would be insanely fun to watch.
And sure, there have been other players named “Sid” in NHL history, including all-stars like Abel and Smith. But with apologies to that lame nickname, nobody has ever referred to Sid Crosby. He’s Sidney, and always has been. And he’s the only one in NHL history, so he’s on the team.
It’s going to be awfully tough for Team Two Names to match up, although they can get off to a good start with a pick that might be slightly controversial. The nickname rule means he can’t play for Team Unique Names, and we have to rely on the pronunciation rule to get him onto this one, but after filling out all the paperwork we can confirm his eligibility. Team Two Names will start its top line with Maurice Richard.
We’ll put Ted Lindsay on the other wing, although it’s close — nobody with the first name Lindsay played in the NHL until Middlebrook in 1980 and Carson in 1982, and we need the one career game from Canadiens first-round pick Lindsay Vallis to get us to our three-name cutoff. It’s enough, though, and we’ll give Richard and Lindsay a Hall of Fame center in Ron Francis.
Ron Francis centers one heck of an all-timer top line for Team Two Names. (Glenn Cratty / Allsport / Getty Images)
So far, we’ve got two first lines of all-timers. But Team Unique Names keeps coming with star power, icing a second line of Anze Kopitar, Auston Matthews and Lanny McDonald. There have been plenty of guys named Austin in NHL history, but Matthews is the only one who spells it with an “o,” so he’s in. Also, I just now learned that “Lanny” isn’t short for anything. It’s just his given name. I don’t know why I like that, but I do.
By comparison, Team Two Names is starting to sweat, although they can lead off their second line with a Hall of Famer and one of the greatest Rangers of all time, Rod Gilbert. We’ll give him two contemporary linemates who each had 50-goal seasons in the 1970s, in Rick Martin and Danny Grant.
For Team Unique’s third line, I’m going to indulge myself with a card I haven’t played much yet: going way back in NHL history for old-timey names you just don’t hear anymore. Let’s build a unit of Aurele Joliat, Dickie Moore and Ebbie Goodfellow. For you kids out there, that’s three Hall of Famers, with Moore winning two scoring titles and Joliat and Goodfellow each winning an MVP. And more importantly, “Ebbie” was short for Ebenezer, so he absolutely has to be on the team.
Team Two Names is losing a few strong candidates to our rule about avoiding repeats, because the hockey gods sure do love to re-use names. The biggest star on that list is Henri Richard, and there’s also Steve Thomas, Derek Roy, Todd Harvey and Jason Blake, but not Glen Murray because he knows what he did. But we’ve still got options, including an old-timey HHOFer of their own in Lynn Patrick. We’ll play him alongside one of the greatest Kings of all time in Dave Taylor, and a guy that plenty of fans think should see the Hall someday in Patrik Elias.
As we head to the fourth lines, let’s touch on some of those near-misses we skipped past. As always, Team Unique Names gets plenty of chances to wonder what might have been, as they’re one player away from landing stars like Leon Draisaitl (thanks to Leon Rochefort), Yvan Cournoyer (due to Yvan Joly), Dany Heatley (because of Dany Sabourin) and Artemi Panarin (due to a single career game from Artemi Kniazev). Other players who fall just short of uniqueness include Evgeni Malkin (who shares his name with two other players), as well as Jari Kurri and Luc Robitaille (three each). And in maybe the most frustrating near-miss of this entire exercise, we lose Hall of Famer Syl Apps to his own son, the only other Syl to ever appear in an NHL game.
That’s not to say that Team Two Names doesn’t run into some heartache of their own. They barely miss out on one of the all-time greats in Bobby Clarke, who can claim MacArthur and Wilm but can’t find a third, at least until 2024 Kraken draft pick Clarke Caswell makes the NHL.
So where does that leave us? Team Unique Names is still pulling Hall of Famers, as they start their fourth line with Didier Pitre and Dino Ciccarelli. They’ll be centered by a guy who’s on pace to be in the Hall someday, in Aleksander Barkov.
Team Two Names simply can’t match that star power, although they’ve still got some solid options. We’ll start with an MVP in Corey Perry, and mix in another power forward in Owen Nolan. And our final scoring option will be three-time 30-goal man Bobby Ryan, who edges out Rene Robert for the spot.
And since each team still needs a spare forward, I’m going to go old-school and use that slot to add some enforcers to the roster. Team Two Names will go with Stan Jonathan, and Team Unique Names responds with Tie Domi.
Here are the final rosters:
Tean Unique Names
FORWARDFORWARDFORWARD
Jaromir Jagr
Sidney Crosby
Jarome Iginla
Lanny McDonald
Anze Kopitar
Auston Matthews
Dickie Moore
Aurele Joliat
Ebbie Goodfellow
Dino Ciccarelli
Aleksander Barkov
Didier Pitre
Tie Domi
DEFENSEDEFENSEGOALIE
Borje Salming
Sprague Cleghorn
Rogie Vachon
Sylvio Mantha
P.K. Subban
Tuukka Rask
Dion Phaneuf
Derian Hatcher
Olaf Kolzig
Hampus Lindholm
Tean Two Names
FORWARDFORWARDFORWARD
Maurice Richard
Ron Francis
Ted Lindsay
Rick Martin
Rod Gilbert
Danny Grant
Patrik Elias
Lynn Patrick
Dave Taylor
Corey Perry
Owen Nolan
Bobby Ryan
Stan Jonathan
DEFENSEDEFENSEGOALIE
Doug Harvey
Red Kelly
Patrick Roy
Rob Blake
Duncan Keith
Tim Thomas
Bob Murray
Derek Morris
Curtis Joseph
Ian Cole
Team Two Names got off to a strong start in net and on their top pair, but Team Unique Names and their depth kept it close enough that their forward firepower might have erased the gap. I honestly think this one is too close to call, but head down to the comments to let me know who you got.
Oh, and as for that trivia question about the All-Star player who could have made either team, I’m deeply disappointed in anyone who didn’t realize I was talking about Wendel Clark.
(Photo of Corey Perry and Olaf Kolzig: Michael Reaves and Phillip MacCallum / Getty Images)