Family dynamics can get tricky, and this story about two sisters, a hefty inheritance, and a destination wedding is a perfect example.Here’s the full story from user Extension_Gold_3149: “My dad passed away last year after a long illness. It was devastating, but honestly, the last few years of his life were harder than the funeral itself.”
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“I (28, female) was the one who moved back home to take care of him. I handled doctor’s appointments, late-night emergencies, bills, and basically ran the house when he couldn’t anymore. It was exhausting, but I don’t regret it. He and I got very close during that time.”
“My sister (32, female), on the other hand, lives out of state. She came back twice in the last year of his life — once for Christmas, and once for his birthday. I don’t think she’s a bad person, but she definitely distanced herself from the responsibility.”
“Her excuse was that she had her ‘own life’ and ‘couldn’t just drop everything.’ I understood at the time, but it still hurt.”
“When Dad passed, his will specifically left me a decent chunk of money. Not millions, but enough that I could pay off my student loans and actually start saving for a house. It was clear in the will that this money was for me because of the sacrifices I made while caring for him.”
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“My sister received other things (he left her some jewelry and a classic car he had restored that she always loved), but the majority of liquid assets went to me.”
“Fast-forward to now. My sister got engaged in May. Her fiancé is nice enough, but they both have champagne tastes on a beer budget.”
“The wedding they’re planning is way out of their price range: destination resort, designer dress, open bar, huge guest list. I assumed they were going into debt for it, which I thought was their choice.”
“But then, about a month ago, my sister sat me down and said, ‘I need your help. Dad would’ve wanted you to use some of that inheritance to make my wedding special.'”
“She wasn’t asking for a small loan. She wanted me to hand over $30,000 to cover the venue and catering.”
“I told her no. I said that Dad left me that money for a reason, and I’m using it to build stability in my life — not blow it on a party. She immediately got defensive and accused me of being ‘selfish’ and ‘choosing money over family.'””Now my mom has gotten involved. She says Dad would’ve wanted me to ‘share’ and that ‘family comes first.'”
“I told her Dad literally wrote a will that reflected his wishes, and if he wanted to fund my sister’s wedding, he would’ve set aside money for that. Mom keeps saying I’m tearing the family apart.”
“My sister has been telling relatives that I’m punishing her for not being around when Dad was sick, which makes me feel sick to my stomach because it’s kind of true — I am resentful.”
“But it also feels unfair that the person who did all the work gets nothing, and the one who barely showed up gets rewarded. Some cousins are on her side and have texted me things like ‘It’s just money, you’ll make more’ and ‘Your dad would’ve wanted her to have her special day.’ Others (thankfully) have said it’s insane she’s even asking.”
“Now my sister says she won’t invite me to the wedding at all unless I ‘do the right thing.'”
“My mom is begging me to reconsider ‘for the sake of peace.’ But honestly, I can’t see myself handing over $30k just so my sister can have a fancy Instagram wedding while I put my future on hold. Still, the guilt is eating at me. Am I really the jerk for refusing to share my inheritance with my sister to pay for her wedding?”
“Not the jerk. Tell your sister she needs to plan the wedding she can afford because her wedding is not your responsibility,” user Jen5872 said.”Stand your ground and hold your boundaries. No one ‘needs’ or is entitled to an extravagant wedding,” user Temporary_Bench5095 agreed. “They chose to plan outside of their budget, they can figure it out. Their request is selfish and rude.””It’s obnoxious that the only options are pay $30k to her or you can kick rocks. She can downsize her extravagance and you can save your money. For your mom to take anyone’s side screams volumes,” user babygotbandwith said.Finally, user Forsaken_Pick3201 gave some practical advice and a compromise. “Sit down, do a group text, do a family page and lay it out. Dad left me the funds because he wanted me to have a stable life. Not to fund a party with it. He left it to me, because I did the emotional, mental, and physical for him. I am doing the right thing. I’m honoring my father. I’m honoring his memory. I’m honoring what he wanted. I am not giving my sister funds for a day party. She can party within her own budget, not mine, not what dad gave me. GAVE ME! not her, not mom, not you.”
“Of course, that being said. How much are all of you wanting to contribute? Sis can set up a place to give her donations, or she can provide you with her information to help fund her wedding. Now, if she asked for a MUCH smaller amount that would be different. Like $1,000 or something, but $30,000 NO WAY! Not for a party. One night and it is all gone.”
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