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It’s common knowledge that 2025 hasn’t exactly been kind to Katy Perry. The former reigning pop queen has since transitioned to American Idol judge and is currently navigating her third consecutive flop era. From making space travel look like a budget ride at West Edmonton Mall to feeding tabloid speculation about her relationship with Orlando Bloom, Perry’s recent PR orbit is wobbly at best.

Still, I went into the Lifetimes Tour stop at Vancouver’s Rogers Arena with an open mind—ready for rainbow lasers, killer vocals, and over-the-top visuals. And sure, there were moments that delivered. But somewhere around the halfway mark—specifically during “E.T.”, when Perry wielded a plastic lightsaber against inflatable hoses in a glittery space suit that screamed “existential crisis cosplay”—I found myself thinking: I could be watching Episode 3 of The Amazing Race Canada right now.

You know… Amazing Race Canada! The CTV show in which seemingly unstoppable Vancouver best-friend duo Jesse and Jonathon have already achieved back-to-back first-place finishes? My mind ran giddy with thoughts of the Canadian-produced global franchise spinoff, which airs Tuesday nights and streams the following day on Crave. The thought of catching up on that seemed infinitely more compelling than a lifeless rendition of “Dark Horse”. 

Don’t get me wrong: The Lifetimes Tour has spectacle and scale. Between dystopian cyberpunk graphics, AI-villain setups, and a mission to rescue butterflies, it has the aesthetics and muddled storytelling of a 2013 Transformers sequel. But way too much of the show was devoted to telling a bloated space saga that left audience members scratching their heads, missing the winking charm of Weezer’s similar gimmick from the Voyage to the Blue Planet tour.

And while there’s some tasteless irony in telling a story about fighting AI while relying almost entirely on AI-generated visuals, that wasn’t even the most depressing part. That honour goes to the middle-school recital choreography—and seeing Perry look visibly winded as she sprinted around a figure-8 stage.

Which brings me to the best part of the night—not the concert, but the moment I pulled out my phone, slid it under my jacket, and caught up on Episode 3 of Amazing Race Canada: “Those Little Sneaky Susans.”

Because while Katy looked like she was performing under protest, Jesse and Jonathon were absolutely eating up the competition.

This week’s episode had everything Perry’s show didn’t: energy, suspense, teamwork, iced tea. Teams started in Lake Louise and flew to Vancouver, kicking off at Terry Fox Plaza where they unscrambled the name “Langley” from a tricked-out Chevrolet. While Katy sped through her expansive discography, Jesse and Jonathon were making smart power moves at Martini Town Studios, before delivering a serenade with more stage presence than half of Perry’s dancers. Honestly, they made me wish I had an Express Pass to skip “Woman’s World”.

Then, delivered via my phone screen, came a one-on-one hockey shootout in Abbotsford that had me clutching my concert lanyard like it was a rosary. Jesse and Jonathon skated past the competition while I sat watching Perry slowly fly around the arena on a clanking mechanical butterfly.

By the time she was belting out “Firework” in a tinfoil bathrobe, I had tears in my eyes (from seeing our local heroes Jesse and Jonathon glide into their third straight first-place finish at Cultus Lake Adventure Park). Iconic. It’s Jesse and Jonathon’s world, and we’re just lucky to be living in it.

To be fair to Perry and her team, the Lifetimes Tour had a few clear bright spots. “Hot N Cold” and “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)” were paired in a wonderful medley that had the entire stadium on its feet. And Perry’s authentic vocals—rare as they were—still managed to impress during a few post-breakup ballads. I (a 40-something male) am obviously not the target audience, and the non-game show highlight of the night for me was seeing parents and kids connect during uplifting anthems like “Roar”. Perry spoke directly to her fans constantly during the evening, and they enthusiastically responded to her generous engagement. 

But Amazing Race Canada brought the real drama, heart, and momentum of the night. Jesse and Jonathon once again carried the leg with charisma, teamwork, and strategic brilliance. I’d rather rewatch their episode than revisit Perry’s butterfly-rescuing space saga any day.

And if Perry really wants to stop feeling like a plastic bag? Maybe it’s time she applied for the next season.

The Georgia Straight does not endorse watching content on your phone during a live concert under any circumstance.