Illustration by Photo illustration by The Globe and Mail. Source images: Getty Images
The beneficiary: “Nadine” is a 70-year-old retired social worker living on the East Coast. For years, she’s been taking care of her near-centenarian mother (and her mother’s other children, Nadine’s younger half-siblings, as necessary). Never married and without children of her own, Nadine’s financial future hinged heavily on her portion of her mother’s estate. Then, her mother changed her mind.
The inheritance: As the eldest of four siblings, Nadine hoped to receive a quarter of her mother’s estate, altogether worth about a half a million dollars, of which Nadine was set to act as executor and be given power of attorney. The arrangement worked for decades, but it wasn’t easy. “My mother’s a very difficult person. She gets absolutely infuriated when things aren’t done her way.”
A few years ago, their already-complicated relationship became even more strained as her mother grew older – and more defiant to perceived control from Nadine, her unofficial caregiver. “Suddenly she didn’t want my help anymore; she didn’t like my cooking or need my help with things around the house. She’s fully convinced she can do it alone and that I’ve been holding her back this whole time.”
One day, Nadine got a letter saying she wasn’t the executor any more and the old will was no longer in effect. Then, her mother sold her house, moved into an apartment and began implementing a new inheritance plan: dissolving the estate completely. “I think she’s worried her children will fight and contest her will. And, just to make sure it happens her way, she’s giving all the money away instead,” Nadine says.
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What she did with it: What can you do with a zero-dollar inheritance? In this particular case, here’s what Nadine planned: “First of all, I need to pay off my debts, including my mortgage and some consumer debt, which has gotten pretty deep in recent years.” About half of Nadine’s would-be inheritance would have gone directly to paying down her debt; the rest was to cushion her likely lengthy retirement – she’s got good genes for longevity and family members regularly hit three digits. As such, Nadine is currently stretching her “livable pension” as far as it can go and tucking money away wherever possible.
“For me, mom’s money is significant and it’s money that I’ve been counting on for all those years I took care of her.” Instead, like many people with difficult relationships with their children, her mother’s decided to skip a generation. “Now she’s bypassing all her kids in favour of the grandkids,” says Nadine, who has no children and is therefore shut out entirely. Three lucky grandchildren have already received five-figure gifts; one of them, for “a kid who phones a few times a year and sends flowers on her birthday,” nearly $75,000. Other grandchildren have been left out entirely.
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What she learned: Needless to say, Nadine isn’t happy. “I’m angry, I admit it. Not that I only helped in hopes of a gift, but in retrospect, after all the work I’ve done, it just doesn’t feel fair.” At her age, Nadine says her mother’s mental capacity for decision-making is certainly a concern and a continuing discussion with her siblings, who themselves have difficult relationships and often don’t speak for long periods of time.
“One of my brothers is fully convinced there’s something seriously wrong with Mom, but another thinks she’s just the same as she’s always been. It’s really hard to tell sometimes,” she says. Except for a few e-mails, her mother hasn’t spoken to her in almost a year, during which Nadine’s done plenty of (government-subsidized) counselling to process her feelings.
If she could speak to her mother, or anyone thinking of going the grandchild inheritance route, Nadine would say this: “If there’s any way possible at all to divide your money equally between your kids, do that. Anything else leaves a bunch of problems and a lasting wound.” That said, since she has no kids, when it comes to her own will, Nadine’s having to go rogue. The new plan is to gift whatever’s left of her estate to the grandchildren her mother left out.
Some details may be changed to protect the privacy of the person profiled. We want to thank them for sharing their story. Have you recently received an inheritance and would like to participate in Inherited? Send us an e-mail.