“My child won’t eat anything!” The words usually arrive at 6.42pm, somewhere between the third rejected spoon and the dog making off with the peas. Parents whisper it at nursery pick-up. They type it into search bars late at night. We’ve all had that moment when a plate full of hope comes back untouched. The fear is quiet but loud: is this a phase, or a problem? And what if I’m making it worse without meaning to?
The broccoli is cooling. The toast soldiers are perfect, golden at the edges, cut in that slightly ceremonial way parents do when they’re trying to keep a lid on panic. A small person, hair in their eyes, cups a single grape in their palm like precious ore. “No,” they say. Not angry. Just decided. You try a joke. You try nothing at all. You try looking away and humming the theme tune from Bluey. The room holds its breath.
When picky looks normal
Most children flirt with picky phases. It often coincides with that leap from mush to morsels, when food looks different and autonomy tastes thrilling. Appetite dips around two or three, because growth slows and the world is suddenly more interesting than lunch. Colours, textures, smells—everything is louder. A child who ate chilli last month might now only trust beige. It’s unnerving. It often lives inside normal.
Take Ava, four, champion of beige foods. Her weekly menu could be listed on a sticky note: porridge, crackers, plain pasta, apples, yogurt. She used to nibble cucumber. Now it’s a crime. Her mum swears she’s shrinking, then checks the height chart and breathes. Across the UK, parents tell this same story. Surveys suggest picky patterns touch nearly half of toddlers at some point, with a smaller group staying selective. Families survive it. Many kids simply need a gentler runway.
What’s going on under the surface is rarely defiance. It’s biology and learning. Small stomachs need frequent chances, not big pressure. Novelty is a genuine hurdle for a developing sensory system. And autonomy is not a fad; it’s how children wire trust. When mealtimes turn tense, cortisol rises and appetite slips away. **Pressure shrinks appetite; safety expands it.** This is why a neutral plate, predictable rhythms, and permission to explore can do more than any lecture on vitamins ever will.
What actually helps at the table
Think division of responsibility. You handle the what, when and where. They decide if and how much. Put one or two “safe” foods on the plate, then add a tiny “learning” food—literally a pea-sized try. Serve family-style when you can. Let them see you enjoy the menu without a sales pitch. **Your job is the menu and the mood; their job is appetite.** It looks simple. It’s the work of showing up calmly, again and again.
Routines help. Offer meals and snacks at roughly three-hour intervals so they arrive with appetite, not a stomach full of milk or juice. Keep mealtimes short—20 to 30 minutes—then move on without drama. Skip bargaining, rewards, and the “three more bites” dance. Let’s be honest: nobody does that every day. When energy is low, batch-plate the familiar and rotate exposures quietly. *Feeding a child isn’t a test; it’s a relationship.* Some days the win is a lick, or a sniff, or simply sitting.
Prediction kills panic. Name the menu early (“We’re having rice, chicken and carrots”) and keep the vibe light. If they touch but don’t taste, that’s still learning. If they reject, say “You don’t have to eat it” and try again next week. **If growth is faltering or the menu is down to a handful of foods, it’s time to call in support.**
“When a child sees the same food arrive without pressure, it shifts from ‘stranger’ to ‘maybe.’ That’s the bridge to tasting,” says paediatric dietitian Emma Shah.
Quick wins: neutral plates, tiny portions, one safe + one learning food, regular meal rhythm, water between meals, praise for trying—not finishing.
Common traps: grazing on snacks, filling up on milk, short-order cooking, using dessert as leverage, anxious commentary at the table.
The line between waiting it out and stepping in
Some signals say “watch and wait.” Others say “get help.” If a child eats from most food groups across a week, holds their growth curve, and can sit at the table without distress, you can likely exhale. If choices narrow to under ten foods total, if textures trigger gagging or tears, if meals last 45 minutes of stalemate, it’s a different picture. Red flags also include choking history, frequent vomiting, constipation, painful reflux, or breath-holding with food. Iron-deficiency clues—tiredness, pallor, repeated infections—are worth raising with your GP.
Selective eating can also sit alongside sensory processing differences, autism, ADHD or a tough oral-motor history. That doesn’t equal blame. It means the pathway needs more scaffolding. A paediatric dietitian can help you map nutrients and expand the menu without fear. Speech and language therapists and occupational therapists support chewing, swallowing and sensory regulation. Teachers and carers can mirror your rhythm so the child meets the same expectations everywhere. Small steps, one plate at a time.
There’s a quiet power in keeping records without obsession. Note new foods offered, how they were served, and any micro-wins: a lick, a smell, a poke, a bite spat out. Patterns appear. Progress shows up in tiny footprints. And the story you tell yourself softens, which your child feels like weather. Stronger days return. The table becomes a place again, not a test.
Key points
Details
Interest for reader
Typical picky phases
Common between 18 months and school age; appetite dips as growth slows
Reassurance that it’s often a normal stage
What helps right now
Division of responsibility, safe + learning foods, steady meal rhythm, low pressure
Practical tools to try tonight
When to act
Very narrow range, distress, growth concerns, medical symptoms, sensory struggles
Clarity on red flags and next steps
FAQ :
How many foods count as “too few”?There isn’t a magic number, though fewer than ten total foods across a week—especially if they’re all the same texture—warrants a chat with your GP or a paediatric dietitian.
Should I hide veg in sauces?It can boost nutrients short term, but keep visible veg on the plate too. Kids need to recognise and trust foods in their real form over time.
Is dessert a bad idea if my child won’t eat dinner?Make dessert part of the plan, not a bribe. Serve a small, predictable sweet occasionally regardless of intake to neutralise its power.
Will vitamins fix picky eating?Supplements can plug gaps, especially vitamin D and iron if advised by your GP. They don’t replace learning to eat, so keep exposures going.
What if nursery feeds them fine but home is chaos?Ask what nursery does: timing, seating, portions, language. Mirror two or three simple parts at home so your child sees the same song sheet.