It is a long-standing saying that opposites attract. Black and white always look good together, sweet and sour snacks hit the spot, and yin and yang is all about balance. But is this the case for love?
For the latest edition of This is Dating Now, Now Toronto took to the streets to ask: do opposites really attract?
“In terms of dating, I’d say… When someone is missing something they kind of crave it in maybe other people. I know maybe I’m just speaking from personal experience, but I’d say opposites attract,” Jimmy O. told Now Toronto.
For others, the thought of dating someone too similar to them, might even sound alarming.
“Usually, I’ve dated people who are different from me. For instance, I’m more of an extrovert, so I definitely tend to go more for introverts… But someone who is the exact same as me, I could not date…cause it would just be chaos,” Sophia H. B. also said.
Some even said that being the opposite of their partner has led to a very successful love story. Chloe V. tells us that she has always dated people who were similar to her, but that never worked out, until she found a partner who was her opposite in many ways.
“Me and my fiance now are actually opposites in a lot of ways but also very similar. I think I’m very loud and outgoing, and I think he’s a little more reserved…We’re very opposite in many ways, but I think there’s also something beautiful about it,” she said.
“I totally believe in the whole ‘opposites attract’ because I feel like you will always find similarities to the other person no matter how opposite you can be, so I’d say that.”
Toronto Psychology Clinic Couple Counselor Dr. Saunia Ahmad says that there is undoubtedly some truth to the statement.
“In general, I’d say yeah, opposites do attract,” she told Now Toronto. “This is because people tend to be attracted to someone who compliments them in some way. If some one person is a bit more shy, the other person may be more or less shy and much more of an extrovert, it certainly can lead to attraction.”
The therapist explains that when a couple stays together in a healthy relationship for an extended period of time, research shows that they form what is called a “couple identity,” which refers to their joint personality as a couple.
Ahmad adds that couples with different personalities can complement each other, and form a “couple identity” that includes the best from all partners.
Besides complementing each other, being with someone who is very similar to you can be pretty boring for some people.
“I don’t want to have the same thing going on all the time, right? Going on at home or when you’re going out, it’s the same thing, it can get kind of boring. So, I’d say [I] definitely [prefer] someone different from me,” a passerby named Jimmy told Now Toronto.
“Sameness is boring. I often ask [my clients], ‘Hey, if your partner was your exact clone, would you like them? Would you be attracted to them?’ They’re like, ‘No, that would be boring,’” Ahmad added.
But that isn’t to say that being the complete opposite of your partner always works. The therapist says attraction can also be a double-edged sword, where the opposite characteristics of a partner can lead to conflicts.
For instance, if one person is very quiet and tends to deal with conflicts internally, that might translate to the other partner that they don’t care.
“Opposites do attract, but they can also detract, in a way. And what’s very important, it’s not about how similar you are, it’s about how well you deal with your differences,” Ahmad said.
And for many Torontonians, the balance lies between having different personality traits, but shared values.
“I think there are some cases when opposites can definitely attract, but I also think that if you’re too opposite then that can cause problems too. I think ideally a mix of there being some yin and yang, there being some balancing and contrast, but if you think too differently, you might not agree on key things as well,” Sophia said.
“Your differences can be your hobbies maybe but I feel like at the end of the day, do you want the same kind of life at the end of the line?” Benjamin W. questioned.
“I think you can learn a lot from someone who has different interests from you, or different opinions. I think on a moral level, I have to date someone who has the same morals or values as I do. But I like having conversations with people that have different mindsets,” Mia Johnson added.
Whether you are attracted to your opposites or not, Ahmad says that it is important to dig deeper, and evaluate your potential partners’ values and goals before jumping into a long-term relationship, which can lead to bigger problems.
Generally, the therapist says couples can find compromise when it comes to certain goals, such as living in the suburbs versus living downtown, but for other values, it might get too complicated.
“We want to make it work. We want to be together, because of who we are together, [it] is important to them. But if it’s the first day [of therapy and] we have a couple of one person [saying], ‘I want a child,’ and the other doesn’t. How do you compromise?”
“Some things are harder to compromise on, religion, children, a lot of those things. So, yeah, values tend to be very important.”
Overall, Torontonians who are looking for love should know that nothing is either black and white, especially when it comes to dating. If you’re open to it, your person might just be your complete opposite.