Cut the Head Off the Snake
Season 4
Episode 4
Editor’s Rating
3 stars
***
Even with the Housewives’ alliance being tested, it’s the Faithfuls who are their own worst enemies.
Photo: Euan Cherry/Peacock
With four celebrities blindfolded and tied to trees in the woods of Scotland, our Traitors had a tough decision to make. Would they kill Ron, Eric, Caroline, or Kristen? Breakfast is, of course, the only place to learn the answer to that question. As our potential victims arrive one by one, Monét wisely asks each of them about their experiences to see if they reveal any inconsistencies that suggest one is really a Traitor. What we know, that Monét doesn’t, is that Lisa Rinna is the one under attack with this little test.
First to testify is Ron, who gives a detailed account and says it sounded as though there were three Traitors, including someone with very light footsteps. “The lightest, tiniest little bird that I know … is Maura,” he says in his confessional, continuing his streak of being confidently wrong. Lisa is next, so luckily she has only one story to match — and she does a pretty good job. Although she’s visibly nervous, she doesn’t fall for Monét’s trap and correctly describes the henchman’s mask. That said, she does get a little needlessly detailed, even claiming the tree they’d tied her to was a maple, and she says she was freed by an ax, which Johnny notes isn’t something Ron mentioned.
As for Eric, he says he thinks there were maybe two Traitors and, in his confessional, adds that he’s 99 percent sure he heard a laugh but he’s not ready to share whose. Our final survivor is Kristen, meaning that, sadly, Caroline was killed. “Rinna, you bitch,” we see her say upon facing her killers. “Too bad, Caroline. Back to Dubai you go,” Lisa replies without a shred of mercy. Caroline thought the Housewives would have each other’s back, but that very notion is the reason she’s going. Everybody expects Housewives to look out for Housewives, so killing Caroline takes a little heat off Lisa and Candiace.
Thankfully, during all this, Michael (who looks as if his veins are filled with sour cream instead of blood) has taken everybody’s advice and decided to shut the hell up for once. Nonetheless, Tiffany still thinks he’s a Traitor, along with Yam Yam (who suspiciously referred to the woods killing as a “ceremony” at the table) and Ron (who’s still a suspect after taking out Porsha and being friendly with Donna). But as Tiffany makes that case around the castle, Colton is throwing her name out there — saying she has been trying to control the entire game, which is a red flag.
But before any banishing can happen, they have a mission to get through, led by Alan, who’s dressed like a scarecrow going to prom. They have to set ablaze ten effigies with spears, and for each one they light up, they get to pick someone whose shield will also burn. This, of course, seems risky given Alan’s straw-lined blazer, but I’m sure production made his safety a priority. After all, without him, who would bring Lala to the set?
Michael (whom an embalmer would look at and say, “Oh, we did this one already”) wastes no time misunderstanding the challenge, grabbing a corn doll, rather than the spears the dolls are meant to lead them to, on account of being an idiot. Meanwhile, Tiffany is furious that her shield went up in flames, so she battle-cried Monét’s name as she burned hers as revenge. And speaking of Monét, she confided to Candiace that she’s suspicious of Lisa, and she took that info straight to her fellow Traitor. To cap things off, Yam Yam’s shield was the last to burn, upon which he burst into tears. I love Yam Yam, but please be serious for two seconds. So he, Ron, Tiffany, Monét, Tara, Stephen, Lisa, Maura, Johnny, and Michael (who looks like Gargamel’s less attractive brother) are left without shields.
But before one gets the ax at the Traitors’ hands, we have a Round Table to get through, and the names on everybody’s lips seem to be Tiffany’s and Ron’s, but there doesn’t seem to be all that much consensus. “Tiffany, you’re the Traitor that I’m going after tonight,” Colton says in his little off-the-shoulder sweater, catching her off guard. But even the element of surprise can’t help Colton here. He may be a mastermind at putting tracking devices on his ex’s car, but when it comes to gameplay, he’s no match for Tiffany. He struggles to hold his own, especially because his main evidence is that she strategizes too much, but I did enjoy his asking how to spell her name for the vote. I enjoyed her response even more: “T-i-f-f-a-n-y, like the company.”
Tiffany does think several steps ahead, as Colton alleges, but it’s not because she’s a good Traitor; it’s because she’s a good game player. The problem with thinking several steps ahead, though, is that she brings not one name but three to the Round Table, alleging that Ron, Yam Yam, and Michael (whose liver spots have sun damage) are all Traitors. As a result, her energy is unfocused and her argument is split among the three of them rather than concentrated on one person to take out.
Amid this back-and-forth, Maura somehow gets a word in and asks Ron why he has been saying her name. He tells them all about the very light footsteps he heard when he was tied to the tree, but Maura shuts him down with ease. That’s not all that was heard in the woods, though, and Eric uses this as an opportunity to finally tell everyone about the laugh: “I am 99 percent sure that laugh was you, Tiffany.” Well, now I’m the one laughing. But if Eric heard it, he would clearly have no idea it was me. And let’s be real — Tiffany would never be dumb enough to laugh.
Even with Candiace trying to defend Tiffany, the laugh was the last nail in her coffin and she was banished from the castle in a massive loss for the show. “You all should be proud of yourselves because you have proved that you get what you deserve. You all didn’t deserve me because I am a Faithful,” Tiffany says as she exits. A great fake-out that leaves Colton and Eric shocked and rightfully distressed.
Back in the turret, our actual Traitors have eight people to choose from. But since they want to keep the suspicious Ron, Yam Yam, and (unfortunately) Michael around, that leaves them to choose from Johnny, Tara, Maura, Stephen, and Monét. Will they split up our figure-skating pair? Give Maura an Irish exit? Or kill off Stephen before he’s even had a chance to speak this whole season? It’s too early to say for sure, but things don’t look particularly good for Monét given that she’s been saying Lisa’s name around the castle. But time will tell. Luckily, since it’s a two-episode week, we don’t have to wait long for our answer.
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