Canadian Olympic Committee CEO and secretary general David Shoemaker, second left, didn’t try to keep appearances up when he spoke about Canada’s relationship with the U.S. at a Thursday news conference in Milan.DARRYL DYCK/The Canadian Press
In their opening comments on Thursday, the Canadian Olympic Committee tried to telegraph that there are two Games happening here in Italy.
There’s the hands-across-the-water version they use in Canadian Tire commercials. And then there’s the real one – good guys vs. U.S.A.
For years, the crew charged with running our Olympic operation hasn’t said boo to a goose, unless it’s Russia and everyone else has already piled in. Now all of a sudden, they’re out there throwing wild haymakers.
“For Canadians, there’s always something special about the Winter Games, never more so it seems than perhaps this winter when tensions globally are high and our sporting rivalry with our neighbour to the south is at a fever pitch,” said COC CEO David Shoemaker.
Whoa, whoa, someone get hold of his arms. He’s going to kill them.
On the eve of the Olympics, Milan shakes its blues away and starts to enjoy the buzz
COC president Tricia Smith was less cheery, and more gnomic.
“On the field of play, Canadians are fierce competitors. Off the field of play, we’re partners in the pursuit of excellence, and often the very best of friends.”
If you weren’t raised to speak this country’s most difficult-to-master dialect, passive-aggression, that sounds nice. If you were, you know that that “often” is meant to be more brutal than a kick to the crotch.
Pressed later on the rivalry, everyone backed right off. Because that’s how it works in Canada. We don’t insult you with insults. We do it with compliments that you’re meant to understand are insults.
Canadian Olympic Committee president Tricia Smith, left, took a more classically Canadian passive-aggressive approach with her comments on competing against the Americans.DARRYL DYCK/The Canadian Press
‘That outfit looks great on you (pause pause pause). No, really.’
This system of kabuki conversation works well amongst ourselves, but poorly when exported. Hence, the weirdest rivalry in sports – Canada vs. America – where only one half of the equation understands how serious it is.
America thinks this is all meant in fun. And it is. It absolutely is. Total fun, right up until we sweep the legs.
America’s advantage is brute force. Last year, a billionaire you’ve never heard of guaranteed every future U.S. Olympian a US$200,000 bonus for competing. That bonus is per Games.
What is Canada doing? Begging for money. Warning that the athlete pool is going dry. Huge swaths of the COC’s hour-long intro presser had the feel of a telethon. They also tried to kickstart the idea of hosting a future Games.
Cathal Kelly: North over everything: Canada redefines itself for the middle-power era
One-year-plus-a-month ago, no one wanted to hear it. Now, people are suddenly very interested in pan-national, culture-building projects. They’re like high-speed rail, but cheaper.
That’s another layer to Milan for Canada. These Games are the COC’s proof of concept. You want the rest of us to start kicking in some serious cash? Show us what we’re buying. If we’re going to change, you have to change, too.
This isn’t just about hardware. Medals don’t make Olympic moments. Moments make Olympic moments.
For instance, I am guessing when I try to remember which medal Jon Montgomery won in Vancouver, but my recollection of watching him chug a pitcher of beer on the street is in Technicolour. More of that feeling, please. Move Canada and Canadian idiosyncrasies to the fore.
Jon Montgomery celebrates his electrifying win in the men’s skeleton competition at the 2010 Vancouver Olympic Winter Games in B.C. Montgomery walked through Whistler’s pedestrian-only town plaza chugging from a pitcher of beer, donated by a fan, with the devil-may-care attitude that many say made him an Olympic champion.CTV
Eventually, the Canadian Olympic movement must shift away from early 21st century internationalism juiced by activism, toward a more parochial model. Why not now? Don’t talk to me about climate change. That’s why we have scientists. Talk to us about the thing you are expert in, but put it in big, sweeping, existential terms. The people who rep athletes are always talking about performance. So perform.
If Milan-Cortina 2026 is a sort of pitch meeting, Canada might have some questions.
Like, can the Canadian team get everyone in the country pulling in the same direction again, even if it’s just for 17 days? Can they ignite that feeling of pride of place that has abated since Vancouver 2010? Can they make Canada cool to its toughest audience, Canadians?
They’ve tried speaking in generalities about competition and diversity, and everyone zoned them out. Now they’re inching toward a strategy that will work.
These are the stick-it-to-Trump Games. Each Canadian medal is a thumb in the eye to every dullard who, upon hearing you are Canadian, leads with a 51st state joke.
Canada’s best medal chances at the Milan Cortina Winter Olympics, according to our experts
None of them will get that, and that’s fine. We get it.
Whether any Canadian competitor wants to turn this friendly competition into a brawl is the great unknown. Again, America would have to swing first. This is where everyone turns to look at the Tkachuk brothers. They could make two countries so happy with one out-of-pocket comment. You know they want to. We could learn something from those two.
The team’s chef de mission, Jennifer Heil, tried to describe the prototype Canadian athlete in three words: “proud, respectful, relentless.”
With due deference to a great national representative, how about just a little less respectful? We’re not talking about spray painting the flag on the Duomo. Nobody wants a complete rewiring of the national character. We’re just talking about fielding a team that isn’t afraid to speak muscularly on our behalf.
That needn’t be aggressive. Many of the best Canadian Olympic moments involve a conspicuous display of kindness and sportsmanship. That was already on display here Thursday. Finland could not field a complete hockey team, and Canada agreed to move the game to a later date. That’s us. We do the right thing, even when it’s not to our advantage.
Would Canada have kicked a little more if it was the U.S. team asking for a mulligan? I hope so.
Because these Olympics will not be told in medal counts, even in the glamour events. They will matter exactly as much as they allow Canada to show its qualities against our new nemesis.
America may not see it coming. They may not fully understand what’s happened when it’s over. But we’ll know. And for a nice change, Canada’s is the only opinion Canada is interested in.