As the winter Olympics get underway in Milano-Cortina, ski jumping is trying it’s best to keep a rather salacious doping rumour under wraps. The usually-staid sport is in the spotlight after German newspaper Bild reported male athletes were … injecting hyaluronic acid into their penises? Yup, that’s correct.
Even if its just a rumour, which it sounds more and more like it might not be, it puts ski jumping right up there with some of the wilder excuses cyclists have used to try explain away doping allegations. Which is saying something. From blaming absorbed twins to tainted steaks, Jack Daniels and even one lowly attempt to blame an athlete’s mom, guilty cheats have little to no limit to what they will say to distract from their crimes.
Not the first suit scandal in skiing
While the skiing rumour sounds wild, and the International Ski and Snowboard Federation (FIS) is trying its best to dispel the story as rumours, athletes are saying there’s substance to the claims. It is a rather, um, sensitive area for FIS. Skiing’s governing body just wrapped up another ski jump scandal related to the same area of the ski suit. Two Norwegian Olympic medalists were suspended last fall for enlarging the crotch area of their suits after inspection.
Someone made a wildly accurate comparison between the chess cheating fiasco and ’90s doping scandals
This isn’t a matter of show. Suit measurements are strictly controlled in ski jumping to a degree that makes the UCI’s spiderweb of equipment regulations look lax. A jumpers suit can make such a huge difference in performance that the measurements are strictly regulated. A skiers suit must be measured before competition to fit each athlete’s body. FIS then uses microchips to ensure only approved suits are used and that they are not adjusted. The two Norwegians were caught enlarging the crotch area of approved suits.
Why? Such alterations can significantly increase the lift a suit gives an athlete, helping them fly further.
Going to great lengths to get an advantage
According to the Bild story, ski jumpers found a way around manipulating the suit. Manipulate what’s being measured. Some male athletes have decided that injecting hyaluronic acid or paraffin into their penis to temporarily increase its size is worth it – the risk and, presumably, some significant discomfort – for the advantage it gives them on the start tower.
10 top excuses cyclists have used to explain doping suspicions
The method increases body mass when the skiers are being measured for their suits. By the time they jump in competition, the athlete is lighter and the suit is larger, leading to a competitive advantage. One big enough to make a difference.
The CBC talked to some athletes that said the rumour weren’t new, or entirely out of the realm of possibility, though none would admit to knowing anyone that had used the tactic. While possible, the athletes obviously had strong reactions to the allegations.
“I think that’s horrible,” Norwegian jumper Eirin Maria Kvandal said. “That’s a big step to take to get an advantage.”
How does cycling measure up?
Cycling’s past is, as we all unfortunately know, not free from its share of doping scandals. When caught, dopers have come up with some particularly creative excuses to explain away their incriminating test results.
While the methods don’t measure up to ski jumping ick factor, cycling doping is rather functional and boring, some of the excuses do. Many have blamed tainted meals, from burritos to steaks. Other’s attempted to blame their test results on sex (some in other sports have done so successfully). Adri van der Poel (yes, of that van der Poel family) took it a bit further, attempting to blame his positive test on a race pigeon he ate. Why was he eating his father’s race pigeons? Unclear.
Then there’s the really weird stuff. Tyler Hamilton tried to blame his twin for his doping violation. Specifically, a twin that he absorbed in the womb. Or Floyd Landis, who blamed a little late night Jack Daniels, mid-Tour de France mind you, for making him test massively over the limit for testosterone. That’s not what they. mean by “That drink will make you a man,” Floyd.
Or, in perhaps the case closest to the current FIS fiasco, an Italian cyclist tried to explain away his doping as a function of erectile disfunction.
From disfunction to increased form, one thing unites all cheaters. They’ll do or say anything to get an advantage.