Ottawa Senators goaltender Linus Ullmark has opened up on being unavailable for a key start against the Tampa Bay Lightning on March 28.

Speaking to select reporters after learning of his Masterton Trophy nomination, Ullmark said the battle with his mental health continues, and that a different standard is applied to the issue compared to a physical injury.

“I am broken, and I’m still not fully, completely healed,” Ullmarks aid, per The Athletic. “If we say [Thomas Chabot] has his injury, no one is going to question that. But just because I’ve been playing and all that, and all of a sudden I’m not available. People just started attacking me [saying], ‘Oh, he needs to play.’ He needs to be available. This is what we pay him for.

“I am very much trying my very hardest every single day to be there. And I was not having the best of days leading up to the Tampa game.”

Ullmark has made five straight starts for the Senators since making himself unavailable for that 4-2 loss to the Lightning. He has backstopped the team to wins in three of their past four games to close on a playoff spot.

The 32-year-old netminder took a month-long leave of absence earlier this season, revealing in January he was struggling with his mental health, ending sinister rumours that had begun to spread.

“The real reason is mental health. And there’s been a lot going on for a long time,” Ullmark told TSN’s Claire Hanna. “I would say dating back to, ever since the trade, and a lot of things have been positive as well throughout the years or these times. But a lot of the things that I had gone through or worried about hasn’t really been dealt with in the right way.

“And so, things have been piling on – off the ice, on the ice, stuff like that. And it comes a time – and you never know when – where the cup starts to overflow. And for me, that was the game against Toronto (on Dec. 27) where I was having panic attacks – not attacks, but, you know, seriously having anxiety problems and panic in between the first and second period and leading into the first period.

“But the interesting thing is that we hockey players always think that things are going to kind of sort themselves out. So, I kept playing, thinking that in the first period, kind of everything will settle once I get out there. And then you let in the first goal, first shot, first period – you know, I don’t know, 45 seconds in. That doesn’t really make you settle in very nicely. Now your thoughts start to get even more louder.

“And the thing is that I’ve learned a lot back in the day when my dad passed regarding depression, regarding sadness. How to really make the darkness your friend. And so, this was a whole new thing. But I also know that I was very scared. It was something that physically manifested in me during the game. And I was very, you know, I was not myself, basically. And it was evident. And as soon as the game was over, I called the (NHL/NHLPA Player Assistance) program – Dr. (Joel) Gold. And I said, “Hey. I’m f—ed up. I need help.” And together with the program, together with the organization, we set up a plan and I went through the motions and I took the absence of leave.

“And you know what the weirdest part of it all is? That is, I’m taking an absence of leave. I was very upfront with the team, telling them there’s a mental health issue, because it was. And I didn’t have the tools to deal with it. Things would just kind of spiral afterwards.

“And then Ian (Senators vice-president of communications Ian Mendes) told me when I came back here that the rumours that was being spread about me and my family started the day after I take an absence of leave.

“And people wonder why hockey players – professional athletes – are not talking. Why we’re not showing any sort of emotions. Why mental health in men and in women are a stigma. It took them less than 24 hours from my absence of leave to try to find reasons to why I’m gone. Saying that I’m a homewrecker, a person that no one likes in the team. And I can’t defend myself.

“I didn’t know about this until days later. And it sucks, because I have a family. I have a wife, I have kids. They get sent text messages asking, “Hey, are you guys good?” I’m like, “Yeah, why?” And then they tell you about it the rumours and you’re like, “What the f— is wrong with people?”

“So, of course we’re not going to say anything. Because people love to just f—— drag you down. They just want to find a reason to bring you down to their level. They don’t care. (The) general public do not care. I’m not speaking about the Sens fans, because they’ve been awesome.

“But if people really, really want us in sports to be more upfront and honest, yeah – you gotta take a look hard look here at yourself in the mirror. Because this is just the proof I have now that I understand why people are shutting themselves in and tend to do other things than to ask for help.”

Ullmark has a 26-12-8 record this season with a 2.82 goals-against average and a .887 save percentage.