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Congratulations, we’re almost halfway through the hottest and longest year on record. Your love life heats up like the promise of a bustling new data centre scorching the earth’s atmosphere. Enjoy some exciting new flings! Take note: Mercury enters retrograde in June, leading to potential miscommunications. Slow down with texting new matches on Hinge, especially if outsourcing to 11 AI agents. Believe in yourself though! You got this.
Gemini (May 21 to June 20)
Happy birthday, Gemini! Yes, watching the game in the FIFA Fan Zone is just like watching it at BC Place, for almost the same cost. It’s true: Friday patio drinks are worth getting an unsecured payday loan on your lilac 2025 Super Puff™. Agreeing to plans one month in advance then canceling them due to “spring allergies” you outgrew as a child is on brand, so lean in to your truth.
Cancer (June 21 to July 22)
Venus and Jupiter enter Cancer, increasing love prospects. Take note that cutting back on climate laws to make condos more affordable is like lowering your standards on Hinge to find true love: it’s desperate and you’ll regret it. Use extra caution around water. Now is not the time to become an unsanctioned lifeguard at Trout Lake.
Leo (July 23 to August 22)
The full moon in Capricorn inspires you to make some extra over-the-top-plans. If shopping for parties, be sure to oust confrontational spirits living inside vintage clothing bought on Main Street. Take note that Glow Up Kids Dance Party, a rave for kids, may be in your childless future as an aunt. Marpole Community Day beckons you with inflatables and accessible transit, so heed the call.
Virgo (August 23 to September 22)
Yes, you’re always right, but Underground Comedy Club’s World Cup Comedy is not the same thing as the soccer games—just like Take Care of My Cat is a movie at the Cinematheque and not just the endless plea of your ex. If you’re looking to perfect your relationship with trees, a Forest Immersion Workshop might be in your future.
Libra (September 23 to October 22)
The new moon in Gemini asks you to affirm your beliefs: is matcha in East Van superior to matcha in Kits? Your Bumble profile is like a data centre promising to be built in an urban neighbourhood in that it’s facing overwhelming skepticism and public disapproval. Take note that a good-looking stranger may enter your life if you can pretend to like jazz.
Scorpio (October 23 to November 21)
Jupiter entering Leo heightens ambitions, so now is the time to take your mother and stepmother to Bonnie Raitt, together. Your partner threatening to leave Vancouver for Calgary is like the Whitecaps threatening to leave for Vegas—you’ll miss them, but maybe they could just negotiate a better lease? Mushroom tariffs threaten new revenue streams, so embrace the Farmers Market.
Sagittarius (November 22 to December 21)
New partnerships are blossoming like fresh urine wafting upstream at Commercial–Broadway. Your dating prospects are like navigating Yaletown in a vehicle in that all roads lead to frustrating dead ends. Your avoidance of a career move comes to a head, so begrudgingly accept all networking requests in Railtown.
Capricorn (December 22 to January 19)
The full Strawberry Moon encourages you to seek new accomplishments, like doubling up the Ontario Street hill on a Lime scooter*. A tech bro with a sporty side is ready to play HORSE at the renewed basketball courts at Kits Beach. Tracking your ex is like keeping up with FIFA road closures: they’re always where you least expect them. *Not recommended or legally allowed.
Aquarius (January 20 to February 18)
Dating in middle age is like waiting in line at Earnest Ice Cream: quickly becoming a temporary stepparent to random kids who dress better than you do. Staying detached while Spandex-clad bikers try to pass you multiple times while you’re e-biking is the right thing to do. Take note: even in Juneuary, it’s never too cold to go pantless at Wreck Beach.
Pisces (February 19 to March 20)
The Venus-Jupiter conjunction increases romantic prospects over some microgreens at your neighbour’s farmshare pickup. Party people: now is your yearly reminder that peeing is prohibited off condo roof decks. Yes, you’re right to mistrust free “Seabus” tickets from a paddleboarder. Confirm with TransLink or a handsome otter first.
Aries (March 21 to April 19)
Your fearless nature peaks—keeping both a Monstera and a relationship alive in a microloft is your superpower. Tandem bikes seem cute, but un-cute when you fall off of them in slow motion on the seawall. No, GPS will not help you navigate the Broadway Subway extension on foot. Bring binoculars and expand your conception of the time/space continuum.
Taurus (April 20 to May 20)
Maybe the barista at Moja Coffee knows your order ’cause they like you, or maybe you just order the same thing at the same time, every day. No, you don’t have to sign every street petition on the Drive with your real name, even if they interrupt you when you’re walking your corgi. Take note: attending Spot Prawn Day gives you instant street cred with your West Van inlaws. Good work! GS
Rachel Burns planted a patch of flowers that did not die! She is not an astrologer.