Ever since Little Richard sang “Good golly, Miss Molly, sure like to ball” in 1956, sexual innuendo has been fodder for rock musicians, and the source of puritan outrage for it. The latter to such a degree that The Kingmen’s 1963 classic “Louie Louie” was banned by the Governor of Indiana for “corrupting the moral fiber of the youth of America,” despite the lyrics being completely incomprehensible (and completely PG). Sometimes the innuendo is clever, like the cute little toy from his grandmother that Chuck Berry sang about in his only number-one hit, “My Ding-a-Ling” (“I remember the girl next door, we used to play house on the kitchen floor. She’d be the queen, I’d be the king, and I’d let her play with my ding-a-ling”). Sometimes they’re as subtle as a sledgehammer (ironically — we’ll get to that), like Warrant’s “Cherry Pie.” Here are 10 of the best, in no particular order, and watch here for “Best Innuendo Names in Music,” with Joe Cocker and Engelbert Humperdinck.
1. The Who — “Squeeze Box”
The Who‘s Pete Townshend called “Squeeze Box” a poorly aimed dirty joke, spurred by having heard someone refer to a woman’s breasts as a ‘squeeze box,’ and was encouraged by Ronnie Lane to include it on The Who by Numbers. John Entwistle said in an interview in 1976 that “‘Squeeze Box’ isn’t that dirty. It doesn’t say ‘tits.'” In other words, it’s not not innuendo, it just doesn’t have any naughty words in it. Of course, the best innuendo songs don’t have any naughty words in them at all, which makes it part of the fun, so it’s not an especially strong argument from Entwistle.
A squeeze box, by definition, is a type of bellowed instrument, like an accordion or concertina. In the context of ‘Squeeze Box,’ it’s not implausible. But it’s highly unlikely that mama was “playing all night” with a squeeze box, to the degree that “daddy never sleeps at night.” Furthermore, she goes “in and out and in and out and in and out,” less accordion technique and more sex ed than anything else. The song itself is lighthearted and fun, “like a crazy Country & Western polka.” The concern is why anyone would want to write about their parents doing the nasty all night long.
2. ZZ Top — “Pearl Necklace”
ZZ Top (or ZedZed Top for my fellow Canucks) released “Pearl Necklace” on their 1981 album El Loco, which is translated as “the crazy.” And that’s pretty much what you’d have to be if you believe that it’s just about giving a significant other a piece of jewelry. Not that any woman wouldn’t want a piece of expensive jewelry like a pearl necklace. It’s just that not every woman wants a man’s… um, “love nectar” on their neck or squeeze box. That’s right: if you want a “pearl necklace” like the one in this song (“that’s not jewelry she’s talkin’ about”), you’re gonna need a shower after. If you’re still not convinced, consider this line: “I was really blown away.” It’s a great song that sucks.
3. Van Halen — “Ice Cream Man”
Is there anything better than ice cream on a hot summer day? According to David Lee Roth there isn’t, and he’s got the “flavors to satisfy” in Van Halen’s “Ice Cream Man.” The argument could be made that it is a wholly innocent song, only the front acoustic half is delivered in Dave’s bluesy, suggestive cheekiness in all its lecherous glory. This is as close to being about ice cream as Armageddon is about a space pebble coming to Earth. And just how good is Dave’s ice cream, banana pops, and/or dixie cups? Good enough that if you let him “cool you one time, you’ll be my regular stop.” The back half takes it to 11 with blistering blues-rock that showcases the band at their best, particularly Eddie Van Halen’s virtuosic shredding. “Ice Cream Man” is a great introduction to the band for anyone who hasn’t heard them before. But as far as grandma knows, that nice Dave fellow is indeed talking vanilla.
4. Spinal Tap — “Big Bottom”
This is Spinal Tap spawned the era of the mockumentary, a brilliant comedy that follows “England’s loudest band,” Spinal Tap, on tour for their latest album Smell the Glove. It satirizes the behavior and pretentiousness of rock bands, and one trope it takes aim at is the innuendo song with the wonderfully over-the-top “Big Bottom.” It doesn’t even try to hide the innuendo whatsoever, with lines like “the looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand” or “my love gun’s loaded, and she’s in my sights” as overt as you’re ever going to get. Played strictly with bass guitars and drums, the song is unique stylistically, but it takes a back seat — yes, pun intended — to “my baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo/I’d like to sink her with my pink torpedo.” How can you leave this behind?
5. Peter Gabriel — “Sledgehammer”
Don’t let the groundbreaking video, with its claymation and stop-motion techniques, fool you: “Sledgehammer” is one dirty, dirty little tune. From Peter Gabriel’s iconic 1986 album So, the song is rife with innuendo from start to finish, likening his Bennie and the Jets to:
A steam train, if she’s willing to lay down her tracks;
An aeroplane, waiting to fly in her blue sky;
A big dipper, going “up and down, all around the bends”;
A bumper car, “bumping”;
A honey bee, ready for her “fruit cage”
And, of course, a sledgehammer. With an outro that cries out, “You show me yours, I’ll show you mine,” there’s little doubt about Gabriel’s rather cheeky intent. Hiding it behind its winning mix of horn sections, synth-rock, and soul (and that damned video) changes nothing. Nor does its supposed philosophical intent, inspired by Franz Kafka.
6. Def Leppard — “Pour Some Sugar On Me”
The recording of Def Leppard’s Hysteria was troublesome, to say the least. Production on the album began in early 1984, but three years of aborted recording sessions, the firing of the album’s initial producer, and a relentless onslaught of bad luck, not the least of which was the amputation of drummer Rick Allen’s left arm after a car accident on December 31, 1984. “Armageddon It” was the last track to make the cut, and, at long last, Hysteria was done. Or so they thought. After Joe Elliott started playing a riff during a break, legendary producer Mutt Lange insisted that it was good enough to turn into a song, that ultimately became “Pour Some Sugar On Me.” Despite the reluctance to release it as a single, however, it eventually was, a hail-Mary pass to salvage an album that was unlikely to make back the five million dollars it took to that point to make it.
Why is that important? Well, “Pour Some Sugar On Me” turned out to be the album’s saving grace, eventually reaching No. 2 on the US charts, on the strength of its popularity to a certain demographic in Florida: strippers. As Phil Collen recalls, “The song became a hit because strippers in Florida started requesting it on the local radio station.” And the last time anyone checked, strippers don’t exactly dance to church hymns, and Elliott admits the phrase was a “metaphor for whichever sexual preference you care to enjoy.” Enough said.
7. Led Zeppelin — “The Lemon Song”
Far Out magazine claims that among Led Zeppelin‘s discography, Led Zeppelin II is the album with the most obscene lyrics. Furthermore, on an album that contains “Living Loving Maid (She’s Just a Woman)” and “Whole Lotta Love,” they state that it’s “The Lemon Song” that is Led Zeppelin at their dirtiest. And it’s really, really hard… poor choice of words… to disagree. The blues-heavy cut has Robert Plant singing, “Squeeze me, baby, till the juice runs down my leg.” And he’s not talking lemonade. Ah, but it gets worse. Assuming, safely, that Plant is likening “juice” to his love nectar, the final line – “I’m going to leave my children down on this killing floor” – suggests that he let his swimmers pool on the rug beneath his feet. Ewww.
8. Kiss — “Love Gun”
Of course, no one does sexual innuendo in a song quite like these last three bands, and first up is Kiss. There’s no shortage of material to choose from, be it “Larger Than Life” from Alive II, “Let’s Put the X in Sex” from Smashes, Thrashes & Hits (which also has “(You Make Me) Rock Hard”), or “Burn Bitch Burn” from Animalize, with the personal favorite line “Wanna put my log in your fireplace.” But “Love Gun” takes it with its unabashed straightforwardness. Paul Stanley is literally comparing his twig n’ berries to a loaded gun, that he’s ready to aim and shoot at the lucky young lass he’s set his eyes, and his one-eye, on. Better yet is the bravado with which he yields his weapon, with lyrics like “we get together, mama, you’ll sweat.” All she has to do is pull the trigger. It’s a stroke… of libidinous genius.
9. Aerosmith — “Big Ten-Inch Record”
One doesn’t even have to hear a single word in an Aerosmith song to know what it’s about. “Lord of the Thighs.” “Love In an Elevator.” “Falling In Love (Is Hard on the Knees).” “Get It Up.” And personal favorite “Pink,” which is Steven Tyler’s “favorite crayon.” In fact, one would be forgiven for looking at the track listing for Pump and assuming the worst of “Janie’s Got a Gun.” Their best innuendo song, however, is one that isn’t their own, but a cover of a 1952 song recorded by Bull Moose Jackson. Aerosmith recorded it for Toys in the Attic, becoming the definitive version in the process.
The thing is, the lyrics aren’t actually all that sexually charged, at least in comparison to some of their bawdier work. It’s literally about a ten-inch blues album. But it’s the pregnant pause that Tyler puts in between “big ten-inch” and “record” that makes it worthy of being on Salon’s list of 19 greatest double-entendre songs. It’s absolutely perfectly timed, leading the listener to assume the next word after “whip out your big ten-inch” is, well, certainly not record, that’s for damn sure. While the version on Toys in the Attic is fine, go for the high-octane live recording on the 1991 box set Pandora’s Box, recorded at the Texxas Jam in July 1978.
10. AC/DC — “Big Balls”
Kiss and Aerosmith are excellent at innuendo songs, but even they pale in comparison to the kings of the double-entendre: AC/DC. They’ve crafted a legion of songs dripping with innuendo: “Sink the Pink,” “Givin’ the Dog a Bone,” “Hard as a Rock,” and “Let Me Put My Love Into You” as just a few examples. But there is none better than “Big Balls” off of Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. It’s a relentless barrage of well-timed wordplay centered around parties, or “balls,” as it were, with Bon Scott delivering each with a wink and a smile, all in that delightfully lewd tone he had mastered. There are so, so many great lascivious lines that it’s hard… again, with the poor choice of words… to pick a favorite. “The social pages say I’ve got the biggest balls of all?” “My balls are always bouncing from the left and to the right?” “Seafood, cocktails… crabs?” Nah, for my money it’s “my balls are always bouncing, my ballroom always full, and everybody comes and comes again.” We had such wonderful fun indeed.