Week 1 (Episodes 1-5)
Season 11
Episodes 1 – 5
Editor’s Rating
3 stars
***
This season’s Bostonians are mostly white-collar professionals in their 30s who already seem pretty burnt out from dating in the pods.
Photo: Netflix
Have you ever wondered aloud who pulled off the greater comeback, the 2017 Patriots or the son of God himself, Jesus Christ? No? Then unfortunately, your application for Love Is Blind: Boston has been denied.
Love Is Blind is back for its 11th season — and that’s not even counting spinoffs across the U.K., Mexico, Japan, and many more. At this point in the franchise, the “experiment” that was introduced in season one — can you fall in love purely through an emotional connection — has enough data. The answer is no, unless you are either so desperate to be married that your only remaining criteria is a pulse, or the person on the other side of the wall happens to also be your type.
That said, given how far we’ve plummeted to this bleak nadir of modern dating, can you blame these burnt-out Bostonians for trying? Our newest crop of delusionals is mostly white-collar professionals in their 30s with a surprisingly low level of Boston pride. I was expecting a lot more bonding over the beautiful history of Fenway Park and flirty arguments about where to get the best cannoli in the North End, but they’re all kind of like, “Eh, the bars are lame.”
As relationships form in the pods, many of the most made-for-TV personalities were either weeded out or self-eliminated, leaving us with a lackluster cast heading into the IRL portion of the season. Every relationship we’re exploring sort of feels like a couple that’s been on four decent Hinge dates and is talking themselves into a fifth, even though they know in their heart of hearts that this isn’t their person.
Maybe I’ll be proven wrong, and this first batch of episodes is like a Dune: Part One situation, giving us all of the foundational context we need for an absolutely explosive second act. But while we wait for Florence Pugh to enter the chat, let’s recap whom we’ll be gossiping about for the next four weeks.
The breakout star of Love Is Blind season 11 left us too soon. Morrey, a 31-year-old cornhole entrepreneur and bouncer, is the heart and soul of the pods. He quotes The Town, has a surprising amount of Taylor Swift ball knowledge, and harbors a burning hatred for preppy dudes who wear pastel polos and sandals to the grocery store.
Benita, a 29-year-old Albanian insurance agent who looks like she got lost on the way to the Selling Sunset casting call, becomes quickly infatuated with Morrey, but he shuts her down because he doesn’t want to be “love-bombed.” I don’t think he really knows what being “love-bombed” means; all she does is express that she can see herself having a strong connection with him, which, yes, is a little jarring after 48 hours, but you have to know that that’s pretty much par for the course on a dating show. I mean, The Bachelor universe pioneered the “I think I can imagine a world where I could see myself falling for you” pipeline more than a decade ago.
After labeling Benita a stage-five clinger, Morrey refocuses his attention on Sarah, a 33-year-old health-care manager and bartender. She has some deep talks with him about where he learned his ideas about masculinity but ultimately has the wherewithal to know that the guy who thinks Remember the Titans could solve racism if it were screened at freshman orientations probably isn’t her husband.
When Sarah meets John, a 31-year-old account manager who unironically loves the Fray, she’s charmed, though I can’t see why. He’s insecure and named his dog after a manga. She has to use gentle parenting to explain to him why the COVID vaccine isn’t bad, and that women don’t get abortions when they’re six months pregnant because they “didn’t get around to it,” as if it’s the same as forgetting to pick up a loaf of bread from the store.
Their most vulnerable conversation surrounds his recent MS diagnosis. He wants to give her a heads-up about what she might be getting into, but she says the information doesn’t change anything on her end. John gets Sarah a stuffed lemur and tells her he wants to fulfill his dream of going to Madagascar with her — we then get a quick cut to their proposal scene, so I guess Zoboomafu was enough to seal the deal for her. When they finally meet face-to-face, John tells Sarah she’s beautiful, and Sarah tells John, “That’s a nice suit.”
Sarah & John’s Odds: +100. John has the personality of a wet noodle, but so long as he’s not secretly a manosphere sicko, Sarah might be emotionally defeated enough to shrug and ride it out.
Blake, a 36-year-old yacht captain who describes himself as “comically broke,” finds himself in a power position in the pods. He’s somehow earned the affection of both Benita and Erika, a 35-year-old marketing director with a fuck-ass bob that has her destined for a decade-long PTA dictatorship.
Blake’s lifestyle requires a partner who is willing to be left alone for weeks on end while he manages a yacht for rich White Lotus couples in Croatia. This doesn’t seem to scare Benita at all, but it’s pretty obvious that this puts a bit of a wrinkle in Erika’s visions of a Cambridge brownstone and farmers’ market Saturdays.
Benita confides in Blake about her deeply traumatic childhood, where she and her family had five minutes to flee their home in Kosovo before it was burned down by the Serbian army during the Balkan war. In turn, he opens up to her about the darkest period in his life, when his mother had a stroke.
Part of what makes Benita so compelling is how direct she is — she pushes Blake to make an action plan for his life goals, versus letting him off the hook with a “we’ll see.” Initially, Blake is drawn to this and thinks she’s a “bad bitch,” but he ultimately decides choosing Benita would be choosing to “marry a battle axe.”
Erika, conversely, is easier to deal with. She’s more passive and trades her legitimate concerns about what life with Blake and his boat would genuinely look like for the high of feeling chosen and accepts his proposal.
Blake & Erika’s Odds: +600. It’s obvious to the viewer that Blake had better compatibility with Benita, but was too scared of being challenged to pursue her further. Erika’s brain is still addled by the Pod Fog, and her feelings for Blake will likely sour once she has access to fresh air and the sun.
Rob, a 38-year-old sales guy, is faced with the age-old dilemma of choosing between a hot nanny who is 11 years younger than you and an age-appropriate woman you could build a real future with.
When Michaella, a 33-year-old retail consultant, asks Rob what he’s currently most excited about outside of participating in the show, he immediately answers with his career. When he asks her what she does for work, she passionately explains that she’s a VP for a women’s boutique, which is her dream job. This is a huge red flag for him, because a woman who loves her career won’t be a good mother to his future children. He writes “DUD!” next to her name and later mocks her for giving him her résumé two minutes into meeting him (omitting the fact that he asked).
Diana, 28, is someone Rob can “help guide.” Because your husband should totally be your mentor, that’s a very healthy power dynamic! They connect over a shared love of Frank Sinatra and not much else. Rob confides in one of his pod bros that he assumes Diana is hotter but that Michaella has more depth.
He opts for the deeper emotional connection (brave!) and proposes to Michaella. In our early peek into their Mexico retreat, it’s apparent that his insecurities about her success are far from buried, but Michaella doesn’t seem to notice. She says in her confessional, “He doesn’t feel like he’s my fiancé; he feels like he’s my husband,” which tells us that she is fully brainwashed, and someone needs to call in Leah Remini.
Rob & Michaella’s Odds: +300. I have a sneaking suspicion that at the Pod Squad meetup, a.k.a. the messiest episode of the season, Rob is gonna get a little too cozy with Diana at the firepit, and it’ll be curtains for these two.
Once again, a rizzless man is empowered to choose between two attractive women. Cam is a 28-year-old HR coordinator whose defining trait is his passion for puns, which, miraculously, doesn’t turn off either Aneha, a 27-year-old biotech engineer, or Malaine, a 31-year-old portfolio analyst. Aneha and Malaine are pod besties, but because this season is insistently boring, they have zero beef over thirsting over the same dud(e).
Cam and Malaine bond over how cancer has impacted their lives — both Cam’s mom and Malaine are breast-cancer survivors. There’s minimal chemistry, and they seem like they have more of a friend connection than a romantic spark. When Cam tells her he’s choosing Aneha, she respects the decision and exits the experiment.
After grinding to Akon during their belly dancing date, Cam and Aneha find common ground around growing up in low-income families when their parents lost their jobs. But the core tenets of Aneha and Cam’s relationship feel vague. He’s apparently everything that she’s looking for, but it’s unclear what exactly that is. Like, that he has a job and is also open to having kids?
Cam and Aneha’s reveal is one for the books. After the obligatory awkward embrace, Aneha looks straight at the bench where the couples usually sit and half-heartedly reassures each other how attractive they think the other is, and asks, “Is that the bench?” No, Aneha, it’s a Toaster Strudel. Cam then makes her do her Mickey Mouse and Obama impressions, which is just so mean, considering they both know it’s definitely going to make it to air. When she decides she’s done with the conversation, she says “Uppy!” in a disturbing baby voice, and I’m 90 percent sure Cam gets the ick.
Cam & Aneha’s Odds: +400. After all of that “You’re my person” talk, it turns out Cam isn’t the type that Aneha usually goes for. She tells him she wants him to get an earring and a “fuckboy haircut,” but I don’t think a stud or a fade can save this simulacrum of an engagement.
Wilson, a 33-year-old compliance manager, and Wilnie, a 31-year-old mental-health counselor, are probably the only two contestants who aren’t acting a fool, but as a result, they make for incredibly boring television. They’re on the same page about important issues, like both wanting to adopt kids, and they do a lot of “mommy” and “daddy” talk in the pods. There’s a period where Wilson is also dating Malaine, but she quits, so Wilnie wins Wilson by default. Romantic!
Wilson is the first Black man Wilnie has ever been in a relationship with — she normally opts for “grungy white men with beards” — but she says he’s 100 percent her type. In Mexico, they actually seem comfortable and excited to be near each other, instead of acting like two freaked-out rescue cats that have just been introduced in your studio apartment.
Wilson & Wilnie’s Odds: -500. If Wilson can get past the fact that Wilnie leaves her outdoor clothes on the bed, they seem poised to start a beautifully basic life full of CBS shows and bar trivia. This could be our winner.
If “here for the wrong reasons” had a mascot, it would be Stew, a 32-year-old product-design engineer, and Jax, a 29-year-old skin-care entrepreneur.
Stew’s a rich guy who cares a lot that you know he’s rich … which makes me wonder if he’s actually rich. Wealth whispers! He is a Gaston defender and gets a half-chub whenever his pod bros call him Kennedy. Jax has a greyhound with its own wardrobe that’s probably worth more than my entire closet and is worried about only having her personality to lean on in the experiment — a hot girl’s lament.
The duo explores a surface-level connection, and they think that they both have “exceptional taste” because they like off-white instead of white and espresso instead of black. The deepest they ever get is when she reveals that the reason she falls asleep to Family Guy every night is that it was the favorite show of a kid with special needs that she was family friends with growing up.
Stew proposes to Jax basically for the bit — he describes his process as “a cat playing with a mouse before it kills it,” and she groans for him to “get this over with.” At the reveal, he thinks she’s so hot that the casting department deserves a raise, but she’s majorly triggered. She says he looks more like Mitt Romney than a Kennedy, and as soon as they retreat to their separate prison cells, she tells the producers she wants to leave immediately. She won’t even leave him with her number.
Stew, to his credit, handles this news well, probably because he never cared about Jax to begin with. He’ll be back sorting his linens by shades of beige and undertipping servers in no time.
Stew & Jax’s Odds: +1000. Just when we thought it was over, we end the first batch of episodes on a cliffhanger: Stew and Jax meeting up at a steakhouse. I can’t see a world where they reconcile, but at least we’ll get one more slice of douchebaggery for the road.
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