Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

My daughter and her two kids (boys, 7 and 9) recently moved in with us until she can get back on her feet. Her and the kid’s dad (not married) had an acrimonious break up, and because she was working for his family business, she is now without a job. But she should be starting one in the next week or so. The house she was living in with him is owned by the business, so she had to move. The dad isn’t paying much for child support and doesn’t plan on paying more until “the courts decide the amount.”

My wife and I retired early and to make our savings last we live on somewhat of a fixed budget. This had been good enough for us to live relatively comfortably, but now with an increase in the number of people in our household and more money spent on food and utilities, we have had to cut back and budget better.

Our grandkids are not taking it well. No “brand name” cereal, store brand instead. “Boring/plain” meals made from scratch. A large single-topping pizza (with a coupon) from Domino’s and not going to the regular pizza place they are used to going to with an arcade. “Slow” internet so they can’t stream/game like they are used to. No weekend road trips to the amusement park due to the cost of gas and admission.

How do we get across to them that due to circumstances that we all need to cut back and sacrifice some of the better and fun things that they were accustomed to that we and their mom can’t afford. Our primary goal is their mom to save up and get a place for them to live because being in a two-bedroom, one-bath house right now it is quite crowded.

—Grandkids Don’t Want to Cut Back

Dear Grandkids Don’t Want to Cut Back,

Your grandchildren are very young and there’s only a limited amount they’ll understand about a complex situation like divorce or not having enough cash to give them the lifestyle to which they had apparently become accustomed.

That doesn’t mean your daughter shouldn’t try to help them understand that life looks different now. That means explaining the situation patiently, in language they can understand, that all the important things they need are going to be provided. Your grandkids need reassurance that what’s left of their family will stay intact, and once mom gets back on her feet, some (or perhaps all) of their old life will resume.

This likely won’t go over well at first—after all, they’re 7 and 9—but what you’re trying to do is keep them focused on what’s really important: a solid foundation of family that’s always there for them. Hopefully, this experience opens their minds to compassion instead of fear. In the meantime, keep reminding them that they are loved and wanted, and that life won’t always look like this.

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Dear Pay Dirt,

I’m in the early stages of considering divorcing my husband. I am concerned about the money. I own my own business (an S-Corp, my name only on it). However, the property I bought for my business is owned by me but my husband’s name is on it as well. The property is about 5 years from being paid off. It has been entirely paid for by my business from the start. What is he entitled to as far as the business and building? Should I wait until the building is paid off and I can own the property by myself before divorcing?

—Divorce Timing

Dear Divorce Timing,

My Siblings Are Feuding Over the Family Lake House. I’m About to Make Things Even Worse.

My Husband Only Wants to Have Sex One Way. It’s, Uh, Not for Me.

We’re About to Adopt a Little Boy. People’s Responses to That Are Honestly Flooring Me.

I Saw What One Little Boy Did to His Parents at School Drop-Off. I’m Afraid to Have Him Near My Daughter.

In many states, your husband would be entitled to half of the assets that were built up during the marriage. And, you would be entitled to half of his, including a 401k or other retirement accounts. If you started the business while you were married, he might be entitled to half of your share. If the business is in your name alone, then he might be entitled to half of the entire business. That’s true of any assets owned by the business, including the property, although in your case, the property seems to be owned personally even though the business paid the bills for the property.

You should immediately meet with a good divorce attorney who can walk you through the laws regarding separation and divorce in your state. It could be that waiting is your best move, especially if you’re not sure you really want to divorce him.

Your attorney should help you evaluate your options, map out a plan, and create a timeline you can follow. Be aware that the attorney may need to consult with your business attorney or accountant in order to give you best advice about how to proceed.

Good luck.

—Ilyce

More Advice From Slate

My husband and I have been married for 28 years, but our relationship has been at a brick wall for more than half of the marriage. For the past four years, we have lived under the same roof but completely separately, essentially as housemates. Up until now, I have made the decision to stay in the marriage because A) we have two daughters, both in their early 20s, and B) my husband is a pastor and I was once concerned about his image in the church community if we were to separate. Aggression and worrisome behavior have now entered the equation, and we have both accepted that our union is no longer salvageable.

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