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Being in the psychiatric ward at a Regina hospital was one of the darkest periods of Amy Swallow’s life.
A bad breakup resulted in serious depression and very dark thoughts. But her hospital stay led to some creative inspiration.
The 26-year-old multi-media artist and musician is in a much better place now. She says digging deep into that creative energy was the catalyst that helped bring hope for the future.
WATCH | Amy Swallow shares her journey of self-acceptance through art in a new mini-documentary by Marz Gebhardt for the CBC Creator Network:
How this artist and musician used her experience in a psych ward as inspiration
Watch as Regina multi-media artist and musician Amy Swallow explains how a hospital stint led to creative inspiration and self-acceptance.A Musical Childhood
Music has always been a part of Swallow’s life. She says her dad played old rock music around the house, and her favourite movie was School of Rock.
Even as a young child, she remembers writing songs.
Amy Swallow grew up around music. Her grandmother bought her her first guitar and it had a little swallow bird on it. (Marz Gebhardt)
“I was just playing Club Penguin at my computer, and I just was like writing little songs beside it and I left them at the computer,” she said. “And my dad came back … and he was like, ‘These are good little songs here.’”
Her inner world was flourishing, but outside the safety of her imagination things were tough, she said.
“When I get to the external world is when I start to feel that depression, and feel that anxiety come out. Just because I’m terrified of other people sensing there’s something off with me.”
A shifting perspective
Swallow was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. That’s when the anxiety and negative feelings she had while growing up finally started to make sense, she said.
“There’s a reason my brain is this way, and it’s not because I’m broken. And it’s not because there’s something wrong with me.”
Swallow says making collages is one of her favourite ways to express her feelings. She was first introduced to the process during a high school art therapy group. She says it’s helped her deal with her emotions without feeling overwhelmed.
“Maybe it will be a really dark, dark piece that I create, but at least it’s not in my body anymore” she explained.
One of many collages Swallow has made over the years. She says doing this type of art helps her process her negative thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed. (Marz Gebhardt)From darkness to light
Those collages have also served as inspiration for her songs, along with her time in the psychiatric ward of Regina’s General Hospital.
Swallow says the turning point was when she was accepted into the Recording Artists Development or RAD program.
It paired her with a music producer to help write and record her first Extended Play record, which includes a collection of songs inspired by her time in the hospital.
Swallow was chosen to work with a producer and record her own short album through the RAD (Recording Artists Development) Program, organized by Regina’s Creative City Centre. She says the experience changed her life. (Marz Gebhardt)
She says the process of writing and recording her music was empowering and cathartic.
“It changed my life in a very good way of feeling like I actually could do something that I’ve always wanted to do since I was a little kid,” she said. “Even if no one heard the EP or saw it, being able to do that was very healing for me.”
The woman behind the doll
Dolls have always been front and centre in Swallow’s creative world and music videos.
She says dolls allow her to explore the themes of being picked on or perceived by others. They can also represent the masks people wear to fit in, and their fear of being judged.
In a music video for her new song, DOLL, she wanted to show ‘the woman inside the doll.’
She said it represents the liberation of being real. It’s also helped her get over her fear of performing and not worrying whether people see her quirk or “ugly” side.
Swallow is sharing her story in the hopes of inspiring others to embrace who they are. She plans to keep making “weird” art and to stay authentically herself.
Amy Swallow poses with two of the dolls she’s used in her music videos. (Marz Gebhardt)
Her message to others struggling with their own mental health is simple: you don’t have to do things the way everyone else does.
“I just hope other people can see that and they know they have that strength,” she said. “And they can do it too.”
If you or someone you know is struggling, here’s where to look for help: