Photo-Illustration: Bravo
Happy Pride, Porsha! Although we’ve known for some time that Ms. Williams is a member of the community, in the retrospective present of tonight’s episode, Porsha officially comes out of the closet with a public statement about her dating life at Culture Con. Knowing her history on the show, the statement is less of a revelation and more of a confirmation — if you ask me, I consider her Bolo night hot mic utterance of “One of you bitches is eating me tonight!” as sufficient clarification of her sexuality. But Porsha evolving from keeping her queerness behind closed doors (and in nightclubs, according to Kandi) to publicly dating a woman is appropriate for the 20th anniversary of the franchise.
I’m very proud of this storyline, not only for Porsha but the Housewives franchise as a whole; just because it’s a “duh” moment for a lot of us — in my circle, if someone were to “come out,” we’d more likely be upset that we didn’t create a space for that person to exist unapologetically than any grievance about their sexuality — doesn’t mean the rest of the world is as accepting, so the representation is needed. It’s great to see the Real Housewives reflect how much social norms and expectations have evolved over the last two decades (Heather Dubrow openly experimenting with psychedelics is another great example of this), especially for a city like Atlanta, where, as Phaedra so delicately put it, “everyone likes surf and turf.”
For the most part, Porsha’s castmates are as unsurprised by the Culture Con announcement as we are, but they’re still celebratory as Drew goofily serves a rainbow cake while hosting the Peaches for lunch at her house. The entire lunch is a ki; they joke about Ralph listening in from the basement and sending him messages in Morse code while praising Drew for her performance of the national anthem. At this point in the season, it’s obvious these five women are the core cast who bring lightness, entertainment, personal story, and the right amount of shade for things to remain pleasurable (I’m kind of obsessed with Cynthia and Phaedra shading each other in the confessionals. It’s like seeing your favorite athletes come out of retirement). This isn’t to say everything is perfect with the Peaches — we had compelling moments of conflict and emotion with the anniversary of Angela’s mother’s passing and Dennis returning Porsha’s ring at the end of the episode — but it’s a drastic difference from the Plums, who exude defensiveness and, at times, malaise. It’s always something with them! Their energy is heavy and combative, so much so with Shamea that Cynthia tries to orchestrate a come-to-Jesus moment at Lake Bailey.
Cynthia wants to get down to the bottom of Shamea’s erratic behavior, and the scene plays out like an angsty teen getting sent to the principal’s office. Cynthia goes down the list of people Shamea is clashing with and, as usual, all roads lead to Porsha. I agree with Porsha’s joke in her confessional that she should invoice these ladies for being such a large part of their storylines. Shamea defends inviting Dennis to Gerald’s birthday and says that if Simon were in the country, she’d probably invite him as well. That statement alone proves the deep-seated hostility Shamea has toward Porsha because in what world is inviting Porsha’s ex-husband and baby daddy an appropriate thing to do, regardless of where they stand as friends (and if it were “for the kids” as Shamea argues, she should limit their interactions to playdates, not adult socialization).
Like Cynthia notes, clearly the rift between Porsha and Shamea is bigger than the show, but from a viewer’s perspective, only one party continues to throw daggers. Where Porsha would prefer to ignore Shamea’s existence, Shamea keeps breadcrumbing her disdain for her ex bestie, this time telling Cynthia about the heated text exchange after the reunion. Shamea claims not to want to put their “business” out there, yet she always divulges just enough to cast Porsha as the villain and herself as the victim. She says that not everyone has to be friends, but she still wants to have a good time as a group. Well, Shamea, maybe don’t cozy up to Dennis if that’s your goal.
To make matters worse, K. Michelle reveals that Shamea is partly to blame for her unending paranoia about fitting in on Bravo (because we all know this is more about her coming from what’s considered “low-brow” reality TV on VH1 and not her actual chemistry with the group). Pinky and K. Michelle chat over a boozy lunch where K. shares that she went clubbing with Shamea and the usually pious Mama Morton. According to K., Shamea’s mom came ready to play with her “titties pushed up to her chin,” but still brought the Holy Spirit as she held K.’s hand in prayer for over an hour, reciting invocations of loyalty and trust. Shamea then emphasizes that none of her “friends” (I’m assuming this means fellow cast members) want her to be friends with K.
Now, we definitely have to take anything K. says with a grain of salt — this is a woman who believed a one-off joke about stinky oysters was a strategic jab about her own vaginal odor — but it would make sense that the little birdie in her ear is someone on the cast. In the confessional, K. Michelle says that Shamea “keeps” saying that “no one in Atlanta” wants to be her friend. Continuing to make these remarks to a naturally paranoid person will only alienate them further and actually does what Shamea accuses Porsha of doing: breeding suspicion and animosity between the two factions.
As K. Michelle ponders Shamea’s actions, Kelli continues the Plums’ reputation as Debbie Downers. What else can this woman go through? Now, in addition to her tumultuous divorce and businesses hanging by a thread, Kelli’s neighbor is allegedly “stalking” her, and now she must evacuate her home and move into Shamea’s investment properties. Like, girl, are you good? She’s beefing with Drew and Porsha, can’t say her man’s name out loud, can’t film with her kids, she’s filing for bankruptcy, getting dental work done, her dog hasn’t had a dye touch-up in months, and, in her confessional, she’s missing her pants and wearing a plain white tee that barely covers her coochie. It’s so bad that Phaedra and her bob are providing Kelli legal assistance in the divorce pro bono, which seems like it’s out of pity because we know Phaedra doesn’t play about her money; just ask Shereé.
Even in Shamea’s attempts to be a good friend to Kelli, the malice that she has toward Porsha continues to simmer just below the surface. When Kelli arrives to move into Shamea’s townhouse, the exchange is fraught with what feels like subliminal messages directed at Porsha. In fact, their entire relationship has an eerie, performative aura. Shamea announcing how great it is to “reciprocate” Kelli’s devotion felt like a direct shot at Porsha, as that was Shamea’s main grievance in their relationship. In many ways, it reminds me of that girl we all know who goes through a nasty breakup, then hastily jumps into a new relationship that she’s constantly either overselling or using as an example of all the ways her ex wronged her. If her ex never got her flowers, the new guy shows up with huge bouquets that she posts on all her socials with ominous captions about getting what she deserves. As I said before, all roads lead to Porsha.
Understanding that, despite their attempts at reconciliation, the great divide between the Peaches and the Plums remains unwavering, Pinky does the Lord’s work to bring the entire cast together for a night of innocent fun. Surprisingly, Pinky has become the MVP of the Plums, offering the most level-headed advice while still trying to bond with the Peaches (she also has a very thick skin, unlike Kelli and Shamea). She hosts an 80s-themed skate night, which is a refreshing change from the copious yee-haw events we’ve been getting on Bravo (look, if Beyoncé is moving on with Act III, I think we can too). The skate party is a perfect activity for everyone to come together. They shower Angela with condolences and gifts as the event falls on the anniversary of her mother’s death and distract her with a drama-free time at the skating rink. Porsha declares the night a success as “nobody had to talk about undercover scheming, scams, and all this stuff going on. We’re just dancing; we’re just having a good time.” Finally! It’s what we’ve been waiting for!
• I’m not loving Shamea’s reaction to Porsha’s relationship in the press. In a recent interview, when asked to say the first thing that comes to mind at the names of her castmates, Shamea chose to sarcastically say, “Happy Pride,” referring to Porsha. Porsha clapped back in the comments, saying, “Happy Pride to you, too” (is she waking up that season nine tea? I love that gif of Phaedra’s pantomime) before posting a collage of pictures with Sway, accompanied by #WLW and, hilariously, #Swaysexual.
• While on the topic of WLW, I find it strange that Angela’s younger kids don’t know about Ahmauri’s wife, instead thinking she’s their sister’s “best friend.” I really hope there’s an honest conversation on the horizon for their family. Right now, it’s giving that one auntie and her “roommate” at Thanksgiving.
• Dennis’ confrontation with Porsha is so absurd that until Porsha broke the fourth wall, I thought the moment was staged. But her reaction to his petty return of her engagement ring validates my belief that Dennis was/is the love of Porsha’s life, and if he hadn’t cheated and acted like an overall jackass, they would still be together today. But Dennis can’t get his head out of his own ass to salvage and maintain even a healthy platonic relationship, so kudos to Porsha for moving on and becoming “Swaysexual.”
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Dame Brian Moylan breaks down all the gossip and drama, on- and off-screen, for dedicated students of the Reality Television Arts and Sciences.
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