DEAR ERIC: My now-retired parents are terrific people. They\u2019re interesting, kind, hardworking and A++ grandparents. My wife and I marvel at how instinctive, capable and giving they are with our two young boys.<\/p>\n
That said, every year that goes by, their anxiety reaches new heights.<\/p>\n
It seems like a classic case of having very little to fill the void of what their careers once were. It makes it exhausting to spend more than a day or two at a time with them, as the ticks and ruminations start mounting and, eventually, corroding every interaction.<\/p>\n
All the lights must be turned off in the house 24\/7, unless there\u2019s a very good reason to turn them on. Ordering dinner is anywhere between a one- and two-hour ordeal.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s stuff that\u2019s not only decreasing their quality of life, but in turn, affecting my relationship with them. I\u2019d sooner disengage than have another circular discussion about their HOA\u2019s landscaping decisions.<\/p>\n
I know the bunny slopes advice: Have an honest conversation. Express loving concern. Use \u201cI feel\u201d language. Blah, blah, blah. Do you have any black diamond takes on how to kindly broach the topic with them? Obviously, no one wants to be parented by their children.<\/p>\n
\u2013 Grateful Son<\/p>\n
DEAR SON: Black diamond? Accept it. Their experience of the world is changing and while some of it may be cause for concern (more on that in a second), other aspects may simply be quirks in personality that come with age and stage. They\u2019re great parents and grandparents, so give them some grace. Turn off the lights if they don\u2019t want them on. Listen to the HOA talk. We have such a finite amount of time with each other.<\/p>\n
That said, if you\u2019re concerned that their anxiety is indicative of some larger issue, tell them. \u201cThese are the things I\u2019m seeing. Do you see this as an issue as well? Would you be open to talking to your doctor about it? Can I come along as your medical advocate?\u201d<\/p>\n
Anxiety manifests itself in a number of ways and it is treatable medically, holistically and spiritually. But you\u2019ll have to let go of your judgment of it in order to have a conversation that feels safe for them. Think of it less as parenting your parents, and more as making room for vulnerability on all sides. (Also, the bunny slopes will still get you to the bottom of the mountain safely, so don\u2019t knock it \u2019til you\u2019ve tried it.)<\/p>\n
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com<\/a> or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram<\/a> and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com<\/a>.)<\/p>\n \u00a92025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.<\/p>\n If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement<\/a> and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and\/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.<\/a><\/p>\n