{"id":122688,"date":"2025-09-05T20:58:22","date_gmt":"2025-09-05T20:58:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/122688\/"},"modified":"2025-09-05T20:58:22","modified_gmt":"2025-09-05T20:58:22","slug":"my-bipolar-disorder-meant-i-wasnt-a-great-mom-to-my-oldest-now-im-making-up-for-it-as-a-grandmother","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/122688\/","title":{"rendered":"My bipolar disorder meant I wasn’t a great mom to my oldest. Now, I’m making up for it as a grandmother."},"content":{"rendered":"

Gabrielle Anwar was one of Hollywood’s most recognizable faces in the 1990s.<\/p>\n

She lived with bipolar disorder for decades while raising three children.<\/p>\n

At 54, she’s found healing and purpose through her relationship with her grandchild.<\/p>\n

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Gabrielle Anwar. It has been edited for length and clarity.<\/p>\n

When I look back at old family photo albums<\/a>, I see a little girl who looks hollow and vacant. I now understand why.<\/p>\n

My parents didn’t have the tools to help me. Like many from their generation, they lacked the vocabulary and empathy we now have around mental health<\/a>.<\/p>\n

By the time I hit adolescence, I was emotionally unstable. I believe I had my first manic episode<\/a> around age 11 when I started menstruating. I was expelled from school and deeply ashamed. I began to realize that my reactions were disproportionate; everything was either euphoric or devastating. There was no middle ground.<\/p>\n

Acting gave me an outlet and covered up the problem<\/p>\n

I landed my first role in a BBC miniseries at the age of 16. Acting made me feel alive, even as I battled depression privately<\/a>. When I moved to Los Angeles after falling in love with an American actor, I landed a Warner Bros. film within days of arriving. I was 23 when I filmed “Scent of a Woman,” including that now iconic tango scene with Al Pacino.<\/p>\n

On screen, I could channel my emotional extremes into my characters. Behind the scenes, I was drowning. I had my first child, Willow, at the age of 23. She was conceived during a one-night stand<\/a>. We got back together, and he became her father figure, whom she called “Daddy.”<\/p>\n

Eventually, I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital. That’s when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It was both a relief and a heartbreak. Relief that my pain had a name. Heartbreak that there was no cure.<\/p>\n

I didn’t want to take medication<\/p>\n

For years, I resisted medication. I was vegan, holistic, and saw pharmaceuticals as a flaw, something shameful. And honestly, I didn’t want to lose the highs of mania; they made me feel powerful.<\/p>\n

But the lows were unbearable. I experienced violent rages that frightened the people I loved. I once punched my now-husband in the face twice during an episode early in our relationship. I thought he’d walk away. Instead, he stayed. He loved all of me, even the broken parts.<\/p>\n

\"Shareef<\/p>\n

Gabrielle Anwar with her husband Shareef MalnikRomain Maurice\/Getty Images<\/p>\n

It took until my 40s to find the right medication, the right brand, dosage, and combination. It was a process; healing doesn’t happen overnight.<\/p>\n

I’m finally at peace<\/p>\n

Motherhood was my purpose, but I wasn’t always good at it. I was too consumed with survival. I wasn’t emotionally available for my oldest child in the ways she needed. That’s something I’ll always regret.<\/p>\n

But becoming a grandmother has given me a second chance. My daughter and I have rebuilt our relationship, something we once thought impossible. Now, we’re in a beautiful place. And I get to be the kind of loving, present force for my granddaughter (who was born in 2024) that I wasn’t able to be for my kids.<\/p>\n

Read the original article on Business Insider<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Gabrielle Anwar was one of Hollywood’s most recognizable faces in the 1990s. She lived with bipolar disorder for…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":122689,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[10564,49,48,68010,84,393,394],"class_list":{"0":"post-122688","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-mental-health","8":"tag-bipolar-disorder","9":"tag-ca","10":"tag-canada","11":"tag-gabrielle-anwar","12":"tag-health","13":"tag-mental-health","14":"tag-mentalhealth"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/122688","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=122688"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/122688\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/122689"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=122688"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=122688"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=122688"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}