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My Two Cents<\/a><\/p>\n \n Personal-finance columnist Charlotte Cowles asks the nosy, revealing, sometimes uncomfortable questions about money so you don\u2019t have to.\n <\/p>\n \n Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photo: Getty Images\n <\/p>\n My younger brother has been trying to make it in the music industry for years now. He finally decided that he wants to get a \u201creal\u201d job and he\u2019s taking the LSAT. But he doesn\u2019t seem to want to be a lawyer, either. It seems like he\u2019s just applying to law school because he doesn\u2019t know what else to do. Whenever I ask him about what schools he\u2019s interested in or what he wants to do with his degree, he just says, \u201cBe a lawyer!\u201d I\u2019m worried that he\u2019s about to take on a ton of debt without a plan. But whenever I\u2019ve mentioned this, he gets angry.<\/p>\n Part of the problem is that we\u2019re in different financial positions. We have different dads (his biological dad is my stepdad), and my biological father was able to provide me with more financial support than he grew up with, including help paying for my education. As a result, my brother gets prickly whenever I try to bring up how much law school costs. He\u2019s like, \u201cWell, you wouldn\u2019t know.\u201d He doesn\u2019t think I can relate to what it\u2019s like to struggle for money. But I still think that he should try to work in a law-related field before he takes out a big loan to go to a shitty law school that might not even get him a good job afterward. How can I say this in a way that he can hear? <\/p>\n Sometimes it sucks to be right. Would it be a good idea for your brother to take your advice and\u00a0try a law-related job (say, as a paralegal) before he stakes his future on law school? Of course. But I can understand why he\u2019s resisting \u2014\u00a0he\u2019s looking for a path forward that will provide stability, and you\u2019re telling him it might not work out. Of course he doesn\u2019t want to hear that. And from what you\u2019ve shared, it sounds like he particularly doesn\u2019t want to hear it from you.<\/p>\n To figure out how you can help, I asked several financial experts to weigh in. Here are your options.<\/p>\n \u201cUnsolicited advice can easily land as criticism,\u201d says Elana Feinsmith<\/a>, a certified financial therapist and financial planner based in California. \u201cIn situations like this, one of the most powerful things you can do is step back and allow him to walk his own path, while staying open and supportive if he turns to you for guidance.\u201d<\/p>\n Sure, your brother might hate being a lawyer and, despite making more money than he did as a musician, will struggle to pay off his student debt. (A part of him surely knows this already.) But you could also be wrong. Suppose your brother loves law school, passes the bar on his first try, and settles into a fancy job at a law firm a few months after he graduates. Even though he\u2019ll be paying off his debt for a while, he\u2019ll be in good company. (A recent survey from the American Bar Association<\/a> indicated that it typically takes lawyers between 10 and 20 years to pay off their loans, depending on the amount and what sector they work in.) It\u2019s an expensive gamble, but it could work out \u2014\u00a0and if it doesn\u2019t, \u201cI told you so\u201d won\u2019t help.<\/p>\n Your second option \u2014 and the one that sounds like you want \u2014 is to help your brother make a more informed choice. Before you try this, you might want to get familiar with the law-school numbers yourself. So, here goes: The average cost of attending law school is $217,480 total \u2014\u00a0$138,088 in tuition and $79,391 in living expenses for two years \u2014 according to the Education Data Initiative<\/a>. Then, assuming your brother wants to practice law, he\u2019ll have to take the bar exam, which can cost another $2,000 to $7,000 or more<\/a> depending on what state he\u2019s in, the test prep he needs, and other random fees and expenses. Now for the good news: At the end of all this, he\u2019ll be very employable. Last year, 93 percent of law-school graduates found jobs within ten months of finishing school, according to the National Association for Law Placement<\/a> (NALP), and the unemployment rate of recent law-school graduates reached a record low of about 5 percent.<\/p>\n Your brother should also be aware of what kind of money newbie lawyers make. The national median first-year lawyer salary is about $95,000, with those at law firms making closer to $155,000, per the NALP. These numbers are nothing to sniff at, of course, but are they worth $200,000 in debt? These are questions your brother will need to ask himself \u2014\u00a0or bounce off of you, if he\u2019s comfortable doing so.<\/p>\n Farnoosh Torabi, host of the podcast So Money<\/a> and author of A Healthy State of Panic<\/a>, is no stranger to talking her younger siblings out of making questionable financial choices. \u201cIt helps to lead with curiosity, not finite opinions,\u201d she says. \u201cAsk questions that invite your brother to share his own thinking. For example: What excites him about law school? Has he spoken to lawyers about their day-to-day life? If money weren\u2019t a factor, would he still choose this path? Often, hearing himself answer will reveal more than anything you could say.\u201d<\/p>\n You could also ask about the opportunity cost. \u201cWhat else could he do with the $200,000 and three years of his life? Posing the question without judgment can spark more creative and less defensive thinking,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n Above all, make sure he knows that you\u2019re on his team. \u201cYou\u2019re not trying to stop him from becoming a lawyer. You\u2019re trying to make sure he\u2019s not saddled with debt if it\u2019s not truly what he wants,\u201d Torabi adds. She recommends saying something like, \u201cMy hope for you is that you never feel stuck in a situation, but that you feel you have options.\u201d<\/p>\n You mentioned that your brother might resent the fact that your father was able to provide you with more financial support when you were growing up. But have you ever actually talked about it? This seems like a good time to hash it out \u2014\u00a0money is an emotional topic. \u201cYour brother\u2019s frustration may be less about law school and more about feeling misunderstood,\u201d says Megan McCoy<\/a>, a professor of financial planning at Kansas State University. \u201cNaming that directly \u2014 \u2018I know our situations have been different, and I don\u2019t pretend to fully understand your challenges, but I care about your happiness and don\u2019t want you to feel trapped by debt\u2019 \u2014 acknowledges his perspective while still expressing concern.\u201d<\/p>\n At the end of the day, you have limited power over your brother\u2019s life. A better use of your energy is to ask what kind of support he\u2019d like from you. \u201cDoes he want encouragement as he prepares for the LSAT? Does he want a sounding board for exploring different law schools?\u201d suggests Feinsmith. If you know any lawyers, you could offer to connect him to them \u2014 but keep the emphasis on offer. \u201cThis approach makes it his choice, not your directive,\u201d she says. Alternatively, he might not want you breathing down his neck at all, in which case you can provide a welcome distraction when he needs it.<\/p>\n Ultimately, the decision to take on debt for law school is your brother\u2019s to make. It\u2019s clear that you care about him and don\u2019t want to see him make a costly and painful mistake, but he\u2019s the one who will have to deal with the consequences.<\/p>\n Email your money conundrums to\u00a0mytwocents@nymag.com<\/a> (and read our submission terms here<\/a>.)<\/p>\n