Dear Eric: I\u2019m 81 years old and my husband is 84. We were comfortably retired until our 44-year-old daughter and 9-year-old granddaughter moved in with us a few weeks ago.<\/p>\n
Our daughter was evicted from her condo because her ex-husband stopped paying. (I don\u2019t blame him.)<\/p>\n
She\u2019s a college graduate and hasn\u2019t worked at a job in her field for 10 years, because her ex helped her start her own business, which has never provided a living wage. The business has now failed.<\/p>\n
She says she\u2019s looking for a job but hasn\u2019t found anything.<\/p>\n
My problem is that I\u2019m neat and she\u2019s messy. If my daughter or granddaughter drop something on the floor, they don\u2019t pick it up. If they cook, they leave food on the stove and counter. The two rooms that they\u2019re using have clothes and \u201cmess\u201d everywhere. When I ask her to do something, she gets impatient and mad.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know what to do! She\u2019s making me so stressed-out that my friends think I\u2019m sick.<\/p>\n
My husband and I can\u2019t afford to put her in her own place, because it would deplete our savings. She\u2019s already on Medicaid; she gets a small amount of money from the ex for child support but cannot take care of herself.<\/p>\n
If you have any suggestions, please help.<\/p>\n
\u2013 Mother in Mess<\/p>\n
Dear Mother: Your daughter is in a tough spot and you\u2019re being very generous in your attempts to keep her afloat. That generosity need not come without strings, however. In fact, some ground rules and expectations about her stay in your house will help everyone.<\/p>\n
Start by talking with your husband about what your shared expectations and hopes are for your new living situation. Confirm that you\u2019re on the same page about things like cleaning up, noise and chores. Also talk through what you\u2019re both envisioning for a timeline, i.e., is your daughter staying indefinitely? Is this always a rent-free situation? Are there other expectations in place of rent? Write these things down, if it helps you.<\/p>\n
Then together talk with your daughter about your expectations and about hers.<\/p>\n
Right now, a lot of the conflict is coming from two very different living styles crashing together. There\u2019s work that can be done on both sides to better coexist, but it\u2019s important to remember that she is living in your house. It\u2019s not a shared space; it\u2019s a space that is being lent to her.<\/p>\n
Making plain what you need to feel respected in your own home sets a healthier dynamic and teaches your granddaughter a valuable skill.<\/p>\n
Dear Eric: Recently, I was making a payment on my account to a medical facility by phone. The receptionist accidently hit the wrong number and charged me hundreds of dollars more than my actual bill.<\/p>\n
She requested a refund immediately, but it took almost two days to be processed, resulting in my account being overdrawn.<\/p>\n
I was charged a sizable overdraft fee. The receptionist insisted on paying it since it was her fault she made that mistake. She deducted the amount from my bill and paid the difference.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t think she should have been liable, and I want to pay her back. What do you think? Who\u2019s liable?<\/p>\n
\u2013 Billing Error<\/p>\n
Dear Billing: So, you\u2019d be out of the money, and the bank gets to keep the fee for an overdraft that was quickly corrected? I dunno, the math\u2019s not mathing to me.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re certainly free to pay her back if you want, but it doesn\u2019t seem like the best decision. It would be more sensible for the facility\u2019s billing department to reach out to the bank directly to see about fixing their error.<\/p>\n