{"id":196095,"date":"2025-10-07T23:35:10","date_gmt":"2025-10-07T23:35:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/196095\/"},"modified":"2025-10-07T23:35:10","modified_gmt":"2025-10-07T23:35:10","slug":"lukas-gage-on-memoir-borderline-personality-disorder-diagnosis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/196095\/","title":{"rendered":"Lukas Gage on Memoir, Borderline Personality Disorder Diagnosis"},"content":{"rendered":"

\n\tLukas Gage<\/a> is living his true authentic life like never before.<\/p>\n

\n\tThe openly gay 30-year-old actor \u2013 best known for \u201cThe White Lotus,\u201d<\/a> \u201cYou\u201d<\/a> and \u201cCompanion,\u201d<\/a> among others \u2013 tells all in his new memoir, \u201cI Wrote This for Attention.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tHe writes candidly and humorously about his traumatic childhood, substance abuse, STDs, checking into a mental health treatment center and his short-lived marriage to celebrity hairstylist Chris Appleton.<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cI\u2019m an over-sharer,\u201d Gage tells me during a Zoom video interview from his publisher Simon & Schuster\u2019s offices in New York City. \u201cI probably say too much. But I love memoirs where they overshare and maybe crossing the line, but they entice people to have conversations about things that may be taboo.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tThat includes revealing his borderline personality disorder diagnosis. \u201cIt\u2019s very stigmatized and perceived quite negatively but I was so inspired after Julia Fox and a few other artists who I looked up talked about it. It made me feel less alone,\u201d Gage says. \u201cIt made me feel like I didn\u2019t have something to hide and be filled with shame. The two hardest things for me to talk about were the shame associated with my sexuality and the shame associated with my mental health stuff and I hated how small I felt when I would talk about it and I guess I just had that moment where I was like I am not going to hold back anymore, I\u2019m not going to be apologetic for who I am.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tAs for the ill-fated romance with Appleton \u2013 Kim Kardashian officiated their wedding in Las Vegas \u2013 Gage says, \u201cIf I\u2019m being completely transparent, that was a lot less hard for me to talk about than the mental health and my sexuality and the addictive behaviors and my family.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tGage grew up in San Diego. He and his two brothers were raised by his mother after their parents divorced and his father started another family with his new wife. Gage\u2019s acting career began when he was 18. His big break was in the first season of \u201cThe White Lotus,\u201d specifically for a scene in which his character Dillion is seen being rimmed by Armond (Murray Bartlett).<\/p>\n

\n\tBut it\u2019s what Gage did off camera while filming \u201cThe White Lotus\u201d that first garnered him international headlines. In 2020, he released a video a clip from a Zoom audition during which director Tristram Shapeero<\/a> didn\u2019t realize that the actor could hear him criticizing his apartment because he wasn\u2019t on mute.<\/p>\n

\n\tRead below for an exclusive excerpt from \u201cI Wrote This for Attention,\u201d where Gage details his decision to release the audition footage on social media.<\/p>\n

\n\tExcerpted from \u201cI Wrote This for Attention\u201d by Lukas Gage. Copyright \u00a9 2025 by Lukas Gage.\u00a0 Reprinted by permission of Simon & Schuster, Inc. All Rights Reserved.<\/p>\n

\n\tAuditioning is the most fucked-up thing you can do to an artist. You\u2019re handed a few pieces of paper usually the night before and at 9 a.m. the next morning expected to sell your soul\u2014with charisma. Prepandemic, it meant filing into a holding pen with your competition, all of whom look like rough drafts of you. Some are hotter, taller, or more experienced. Actually, maybe you\u2019re a rough draft of them.<\/p>\n

\n\tNow, we all missed that room. At least you didn\u2019t have to worry about all the technical problems of virtual meetings.<\/p>\n

\n\tSo sitting with my castmates, it only felt natural for me to show<\/p>\n

\n\tthem the audition video. I expected a few laughs. Which came. What I didn\u2019t expect was how much it hit home.<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cI can\u2019t believe you have a documented moment of how terrible actors can be treated,\u201d Molly Shannon said.<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cI\u2019ve been wanting to post it, but I feel like I would, like, get canceled?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cWhy would you get canceled?\u201d somebody asked.<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cOr blacklisted? I don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t want to ruin some guy\u2019s life?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tWe stayed up talking all night, yet I was gripped with the feeling that I was peering over the edge of a cliff and trying to decide if I had the balls to jump.<\/p>\n

\n\tOutside, the sound of the waves gently crashing on the shore started to feel like they were egging me on. Maybe I should write a draft of something to post. I\u2019ll just cosplay for a second, get everything out of my system.<\/p>\n

\n\tI started typing out a heartfelt message full of phrases like \u201cshed light.\u201d Then I deleted it all. It didn\u2019t feel right. It felt too earnest, too cheap, too insincere. So I let instinct guide me.<\/p>\n

\n\tpsa if youre a shit talking director make sure to mute ur shit on zoom mtgings<\/p>\n

\n\tIt was a bit too strong, but fuck it, I told myself.<\/p>\n

\n\tTweet. Copy. Paste. Post.<\/p>\n

\n\tI sat up in bed, listening to the waves growing more violent. You\u2019re such a fucking idiot, they seemed to say. You shouldn\u2019t have done that.<\/p>\n

\n\tI tossed the phone away to the foot of the bed. For five minutes, I stayed there\u2014naked, with the covers bunched beneath me, and my head peering over the mattress\u2014waiting for the worst. But my phone remained silent.<\/p>\n

\n\tMaybe this is going to be okay. This will just be a fun reminder to try to make this process for actors a bit easier, I kept repeating before finally falling asleep.<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cWHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?\u201d Phoebe screamed at me over the phone when I woke up a few hours later.<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cWhat do you mean? I\u2019ve been asleep.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cLUKAS, YOU JUST DROPPED THE MOST INSANE VIRAL VIDEO AND WENT TO SLEEP?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cWHAT?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cWHAT DID I DO? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cThis is amazing,\u201d she said. \u201cJoe Jonas just gave you his full-throated support.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cWait, really? Hot.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cYeah! You need to listen to me. This is a good thing. You\u2019re like fully viral.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cWhat if I don\u2019t want to be viral, though?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cWhy would you not want to be viral? Especially for something so funny.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cWell . . . what if they turn on me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cWhy would \u2018they\u2019 do that? They love you, and they hate him.<\/p>\n

\n\tIt\u2019s a no-lose situation.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cExactly. I don\u2019t like that. This is all getting way too out of hand. I just posted it to be funny, and now people are. . . freaking out. What if they find out who it is? I don\u2019t want to ruin someone\u2019s life\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cRelax. You didn\u2019t name him. And you didn\u2019t do anything wrong. You posted a funny audition tape.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cI don\u2019t want to be known as the viral-audition-tape guy for the rest of my career.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cLukas. People don\u2019t have the attention span to care about anything for longer than, like, a day. Enjoy your moment in the sun, and also enjoy the literal sunshine in Hawaii.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tMy phone was practically a vibrator, perpetually buzzing with notifications. Every second brought another text, call, and email.<\/p>\n

\n\tFor the first few minutes, I was excited. It felt like some primal itch that had been there my whole life had finally been scratched. Every ping was a microdose of approval. The praise was coming from everywhere\u2014Seth MacFarlane, the Jonas Brothers, people I never expected to know I existed. Strangers around the world congratulated me on how composed, strong, and brave I was. In my heart of hearts, did I believe these things were true? Well, no, but\u2014<\/p>\n

\n\tThen, an all-consuming dread started to set in: I\u2019d spent my whole life begging to be seen, and now they\u2019d seen me, and I wanted to hide.<\/p>\n

\n\tI was petrified that they were going to uncover \u201cthe truth.\u201d What \u201cthe truth\u201d was, I didn\u2019t exactly know, like what if a nude of me in an unflattering position suddenly surfaced online.<\/p>\n

\n\tWhen I was back on set, the actors were supportive and happy to see me. Some were even proud. I avoided the producers like the plague\u2014which was exhausting, considering we were in an actual plague.<\/p>\n

\n\tThe familiar lights and sounds should\u2019ve felt like routine. But they didn\u2019t. All I could imagine was the discussion they\u2019d have after work about what a liability I was. I just knew they were going to fire me and find someone else to get his ass eaten on camera.<\/p>\n

\n\tI stared at myself in the mirror, doing that clich\u00e9 \u201csplash water on your face\u201d after something really traumatic happens. It didn\u2019t help, it just broke my AirPods.<\/p>\n

\n\tI also got messages from other producers and directors; apparently all British people sound alike? Because they all asked me to confirm that it wasn\u2019t them and that they didn\u2019t deserve to be canceled. I answered some of their requests, confirming who it wasn\u2019t. However, it only set off a chain reaction from strangers, demanding that I say who it was.<\/p>\n

\n\tThis must be what real famous people feel like, I thought. So I went to the most trustworthy famous person available to me, Jennifer Coolidge.<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cCoolidge, what the fuck did I do?\u201d I asked, cornering her at the breakfast bar.<\/p>\n

\n\tThen she stepped away from the pressed-celery juice, and gave me the best advice I\u2019ve ever gotten. Words I\u2019ve lived by ever since.<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cWho cares?!\u201d she said, looking at me with a cheeky, conspiratorial grin. Who cares?! It was like she\u2019d just handed me the meaning of life. And in that moment, God, I believed it.<\/p>\n

\n\tThe next day, I told myself I wasn\u2019t going to check my phone. That I\u2019d give myself over to the universe, or whatever that meant. The moment I sat my ass in a beach chair, my phone rang. An unknown number.<\/p>\n

\n\tI ignored it.<\/p>\n

\n\tThen it rang again. The same number. And again.<\/p>\n

\n\tAnd again\u2014<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cYes? Hello? What do you want\u2014\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cLukas, this is COVID compliance. You tested positive. Please self-quarantine for the next fourteen days, and do not come into contact with anyone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tFuck. I\u2019d gone viral. Again.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Lukas Gage is living his true authentic life like never before. The openly gay 30-year-old actor \u2013 best…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":196096,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[49,48,84,21109,92523,393,394],"class_list":{"0":"post-196095","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-mental-health","8":"tag-ca","9":"tag-canada","10":"tag-health","11":"tag-just-for-variety","12":"tag-lukas-gage","13":"tag-mental-health","14":"tag-mentalhealth"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/196095","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=196095"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/196095\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/196096"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=196095"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=196095"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=196095"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}