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New research reveals the profound ways that \u201cphubbing\u201d can leave couples feeling starved for attention. Here\u2019s how it could be hurting your relationship.<\/p>\n
getty<\/p>\n
Even a partner with the purest of intentions can hurt your feelings without meaning to. Forgotten anniversaries and broken promises are usually accidents, but that doesn\u2019t mean they don\u2019t sting. Yet, most of these pains are the product of once-off mistakes that we learn from and grow past. <\/p>\n
But according to August 2025 research<\/a> published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, there\u2019s one mistake that modern lovers seemingly tend to make again and again. But unlike a one-time argument, this mistake is one that can have a compounding, crushing impact: \u201cphubbing.\u201d<\/p>\n Here\u2019s how phubbing can change a relationship for the worse, according to the new study\u2019s findings.<\/p>\n What Is \u2018Phubbing\u2019?<\/p>\n The term \u201cphubbing\u201d came into existence over a decade ago, in 2012. By combining the words \u201cphone\u201d and \u201csnubbing\u201d into a portmanteau, researchers now had a neologism to describe the increasingly prevalent phenomenon that previously couldn\u2019t be named: snubbing the person in front of you in favor of the screen in your hand.<\/p>\n Chances are, you\u2019ve likely been guilty of phubbing<\/a> before. In a relationship, where partners are around one another often throughout the day, it can take on a variety of different forms. Usually, however, it\u2019s quite subtle. Like a quick peek at the notification that just came through mid-sentence, or a \u201cquick reply\u201d to someone that results in several minutes of awkward silence, as your partner waits patiently for you to finish.<\/p>\n It\u2019s the kind of habit that can seem almost trivial when you\u2019re guilty of it yourself. After all, you\u2019re probably not ignoring your partner on purpose; if anything, you\u2019re just multitasking. But for your partner, who sits on the receiving end, those seconds of your split attention can cut much deeper than you\u2019d like to imagine. For them, it likely feels as though they\u2019re fighting for your attention \u2014 and, even worse, that they\u2019re losing to an inanimate object, no less. <\/p>\n Of course, a single instance might not mean much, especially if you apologize or explain your reasoning. But should it become a habit, your phubbing might leave your partner feeling consistently as though they\u2019re less important than whatever\u2019s on your phone screen today. And according to the August 2025 study, this seemingly small behavior can have a surprisingly deep impact for partners as individuals, and for the relationship as a whole. <\/p>\n How Phubbing Harms Relationships<\/p>\n The researchers behind the study were highly interested in how something as ordinary as a phone can cause lasting damage to couples\u2019 intimacy, as previous research has long suggested. As such, they surveyed 51 couples who were quarantining together during the COVID-19 lockdown period, measuring three key factors in particular:<\/p>\n How often the participants felt their partner had phubbed themHow deprived of affection they\u2019d been feeling of lateHow satisfied they were with their relationship at that point in time<\/p>\n Phubbing, in particular, was measured through questions that looked at whether their partner often glanced at their phone during conversation or checked their phone during pauses. Affection deprivation, on the other hand, was measured by asking participants whether they felt if they were getting enough hugs, smiles or kind words from their partner.<\/p>\n The results were surprisingly cut and dry. The more a participant had been reportedly phubbed by their partner, the more deprived of affection they felt. This deprivation was, in turn, associated with lower levels of relationship satisfaction, too.<\/p>\n Simplified, these findings suggest that phubbing isn\u2019t something that necessarily harms your relationship directly in an obvious sense. Rather, its effects are indirect \u2014 in that they can leave you feeling emotionally neglected if it becomes a regular habit.<\/p>\n The most striking finding, however, was that the effects of affection deprivation weren\u2019t limited to the phubbed partner\u2019s satisfaction alone. It was indirectly tied to the phubber\u2019s satisfaction, too. In other words, one partner\u2019s emotional neglect was profound enough to ripple across the relationship as a whole. <\/p>\n Likely, this link becomes self-sustaining. Should one partner feel as though they\u2019re constantly being phubbed, they might start withdrawing to a similar extent; they no longer initiate affection, and they start making their irritation known in small, defensive ways. Their partner will likely notice this shift and, in response, become just as frustrated or distant. <\/p>\n What might\u2019ve begun as just a couple of distracted glances can, over time, give rise to a petty, resentful back-and-forth of withdrawal. <\/p>\n The tragedy, however, is that it\u2019s unlikely to have started intentionally. No one goes out of their way to make their partner feel invisible. But, as the study\u2019s findings suggest, even unintentional neglect can have serious emotional consequences<\/a> if it becomes the norm.<\/p>\n The Importance Of Intentional Presence<\/p>\n It\u2019s important to note that the takeaway here shouldn\u2019t be to start viewing your phone as the enemy. Phones are very useful tools, and in many ways, they\u2019re facilitators of connection, rather than barriers to it. That said, this research makes it very clear that attention is an invaluable currency in a relationship. The second we start to divide it, we risk making our partner feel small or insignificant. <\/p>\n Of course, it\u2019s an unrealistic expectation to remove your phone from the equation entirely. In this sense, being fully engaged with your partner, even during the moments where you think it won\u2019t matter, is essential in protecting your relationship from technoference<\/a>. <\/p>\n Being mindful of how we use our phones around our partners matters so much more than we might think it does in the moment. Short interactions that you might even consider inconsequential can have the power to either reinforce or threaten intimacy: talking about your day while cooking, laughing over a TV show, sitting together on the couch. It all depends on how attentive we are.<\/p>\n This makes it a priority for you to put your phone face down during meals, or even leave it in another room during conversations altogether. This makes it essential to set aside \u201ctech-free\u201d times at home, as well as \u201ctech-free\u201d zones.<\/p>\n Phones may be deeply entrenched into our routines, but that doesn\u2019t mean they need to be in our hands at all times. There\u2019s a time and a place for catching up on messages or scrolling through TikTok. But when you\u2019re spending quality time with your partner, that time and place is not here and now.<\/p>\n What this new research reminds us is that we need to rethink what affection looks like. Indeed, it can take the form of hugs and kisses \u2014 but it can also look like maintaining eye contact, nodding, smiling and, most crucially, listening. <\/p>\n So, take a second to think the next time you\u2019re tempted to check your phone mid-conversation. As unsubstantial as that moment may feel to you, it could very well be an opportunity for connection that you\u2019ll never be able to get back.<\/p>\n