DEAR ABBY: I have a group of wonderful women friends I have known for decades. We get together monthly for dinner and drinks at a local restaurant. The location is generally left up to whoever has a birthday that month, and usually varies among three choices. <\/p>\n
\tOccasionally, I bow out if they choose a restaurant that caters to a local creep. This man, \u201cBob,\u201d has never been charged with an offense, but I was one of his victims 20 years ago, weeks after my first husband\u2019s death. Bob broke into my home and stole items from my husband\u2019s office. I was there at the time, and he came into my bedroom while I was dressing. I screamed at him, and he responded that I hadn\u2019t heard him knocking at the door and \u201che wanted to make sure I was all right.\u201d <\/p>\n
\tI have no ties to Bob, but my friends do. All of them are aware of his actions and reputation. So is the owner of his nightly hangout, but Bob is a jolly bar guy and buys drinks, so everyone (except me) is OK with it. I get PTSD at the thought of attending one of our dinners when this particular establishment is chosen, so I usually skip those nights. <\/p>\n
\tA few of the women in my friend\u2019s group have told me I need to just \u201cget over it,\u201d but I can\u2019t. Any advice on how to handle this? — VICTIM IN WISCONSIN<\/p>\n
\tDEAR VICTIM: I am sorry for what happened that day. Although Bob didn\u2019t touch you, the terror was real. <\/p>\n
I do have a couple of suggestions regarding how to handle this. The first is to continue refusing to attend birthday celebrations that might expose you to the man who broke into your home. (Did you file a police report?) <\/p>\n
Also, think twice about how \u201cwonderful\u201d a woman friend is who would choose that restaurant for her party. <\/p>\n
If your PTSD continues, consider consulting a licensed mental health professional who specializes in it. <\/p>\n
Always the fiancee, never the bride\t<\/p>\n
DEAR ABBY: I\u2019ve been engaged three times, and each time something happened and caused the engagements to be broken. I\u2019m 38 now. I\u2019m not sure if marriage is ever going to happen, but it\u2019s something I have looked forward to and is a dream of mine. <\/p>\n
However, the more I think about it and how things are these days, I can\u2019t help but wonder if it will ever happen for me. What do you think I should do — keep hoping, or put marriage on the back burner? — HOPING AGAINST HOPE IN INDIANA<\/p>\n
\tDEAR HOPING: Sit down and ask yourself what went wrong with each of your engagements so it won\u2019t be repeated. Then begin plotting out a different life for yourself, an interesting one filled with activities, adventures and the pursuit of subjects that interest you. This can become your gratifying REALITY. If you do, it will expose you to people you might not otherwise meet. <\/p>\n
Of course you can keep \u201choping\u201d for marriage, but your chances of finding what you\u2019re looking for will be better if you become more active than if you preoccupy yourself with this \u201cdream.\u201d<\/p>\n
Dear Abby<\/a> is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com<\/a> or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.<\/p>\n If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement<\/a> and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and\/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"DEAR ABBY: I have a group of wonderful women friends I have known for decades. We get together…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":258451,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[49,48,84,393,394],"class_list":{"0":"post-258450","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-mental-health","8":"tag-ca","9":"tag-canada","10":"tag-health","11":"tag-mental-health","12":"tag-mentalhealth"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/258450","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=258450"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/258450\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/258451"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=258450"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=258450"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=258450"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}