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Men are still struggling to recognise when they\u2019re in crisis. Depression often hides in plain sight, masked by work, socialising, and everyday routine. <\/p>\n
Yet loneliness, says mental health expert Owen O\u2019Kane<\/a>, is one of the clearest and most overlooked signs.<\/p>\n Speaking with host Emilie Lavinia <\/a>on The Independent\u2019s Well Enough podcast<\/a>, O\u2019Kane explained: \u201cYou never see in an NHS tick box \u2018loneliness<\/a>\u2019 as a symptom. And yet, it\u2019s probably one of the key symptoms of depression \u2013 that people feel very, very lonely and disconnected in some way. But we don\u2019t really measure that as problematic.\u201d<\/p>\n The latest episode explores how men in particular are struggling to recognise the symptoms of poor mental health and to know when, and how, to seek help. <\/p>\n \u201cA lot of people, particularly men, will try to continue functioning as normal so it\u2019s really difficult to sometimes differentiate because they\u2019re going to work, they\u2019re out socialising, they\u2019re having a beer, they\u2019re going to the football, whatever they might be doing,\u201d explained O\u2019Kane.<\/p>\n \u201cNormally when you break it down you start to discover there is the day-to-day stuff, there\u2019s patterns of thought that can be problematic in terms of how they\u2019re thinking, often very negative critical thought processes are going on, a real lack of interest \u2013 that feeling of, \u2018I genuinely can\u2019t be arsed doing anything\u2019. And it\u2019s not even demotivation, it goes beyond that. It\u2019s actually, \u2018I don\u2019t want to, I can\u2019t.\u2019 The thought of going to the shop for some milk might be completely overwhelming.<\/p>\n \u201cThese symptoms can vary with people and I guess my rule of thumb is, if there\u2019s been a period where the bad days start to outnumber the good days, that\u2019s normally a really good time to go for help and support, or at least speak to someone.\u201d<\/p>\n O\u2019Kane\u2019s books offer practical advice on how to recognise symptoms and break out of harmful thought patterns and habits. His latest, Addicted to Anxiety<\/a> teaches readers how to take back control of their lives.<\/p>\n He told Emilie Lavinia: \u201cThis is the tragedy really, there are so many small things we can do that can feel enormously helpful. But it\u2019s the beginning of that conversation where it feels like everything\u2019s falling apart and everything\u2019s dark. If somebody at that stage can realise actually this first initial step can be one of the most powerful you can take, there\u2019s real freedom in that.\u201d <\/p>\n O\u2019Kane was joined on the podcast by TV presenter and mental health campaigner Matt Johnson. The pair discussed how the symptoms of poor mental health can often become a default for men struggling with depression, particularly without support, diagnosis and treatment.<\/p>\n \u201cWith all of those symptoms \u2013 the lack of joy, the loneliness, the isolation, the self diagnosis, the alcoholism \u2013 all those things that I was dealing with. The lack of sleep, actually, I was so tired it was overwhelming and getting out of bed was a struggle. Having to go to work and having to do the normal day to day things and trying to socialise was the point where I felt like I couldn\u2019t continue anymore. Because that was the most difficult part. I was unaware of what I was going through. I thought my family was cursed or something, i didn\u2019t know what was happening to me,\u201d said Johnson.<\/p>\n \u201cBut that faking it \u2018til I made it. The turning up every day and pretending was the really difficult part for me. Finding the energy to pretend and put on another mask for whoever I was working for at the time. That was the real problem for me, the inauthenticity of life.\u201d <\/p>\n<\/p>\n In the episode, Johnson spoke candidly about his personal experiences with depression and anxiety and the moments that allowed him to seek help and start learning how to manage his own mental health. <\/p>\n \u201cWith diagnosis I could see that this was depression and kind of gives it reasoning and it allows you to see it for what it is,\u201d says Johnson. \u201cMy suicide attempt in 2009 was, now I know in hindsight, me trying to just kill that part of me off that was overtaking everything. But the love and compassion that I have when you do try and understand that that part of yourself is frightened and scared and trying to keep you safe and all those different things has really helped me take care of that part of myself. It was light a light going on moment.\u201d <\/p>\n Johnson, an ambassador for Mind and Movember is keen to normalise conversations about men\u2019s mental health and described how he often speaks with men around the UK about their experiences. He noted that <\/p>\n Both guests reflected on the notion of \u201cself work\u201d or therapy being considered \u201ca bit soft\u201d and how men are often encouraged to \u201cman up\u201d and get on with life, instead of seeking help. They also discuss the difference between functional wellbeing \u2013 building physical strength and resilience \u2013 and emotional wellbeing and the importance of working with challenging feelings.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re in this culture at the minute, particularly in social media, where it seems to be about getting better, getting fixed quickly but then my argument is, if it comes at the cost of abandoning yourself. I won\u2019t allow myself to feel sad, I won\u2019t allow myself to struggle, I won\u2019t allow myself to get it wrong or feel or screw up, that becomes a self abandonment as such and that\u2019s never going to become a healthy thing.\u201d says O\u2019Kane.<\/p>\n The episode also explored self optimisation culture, influencers promoting toxic ideals of masculinity, mental health in schools and the experiences of boys growing up, mental health resources and toolkits and healthy habits that can help with supporting good mental health and wellbeing. <\/p>\n Suicide is still the biggest killer of men under 50 in the UK. \u201cTreat yourself as someone who matters.\u201d says O\u2019Kane. <\/p>\n Listen to the episode here<\/a> and watch the full episode on YouTube. Well Enough is available wherever you get your podcasts.<\/p>\n