Chuck Norris Selfie Goes Viral, Jokes Make Comeback<\/p>\n
If you don’t know, Chuck Norris is a legendary action star famous for beating the hell out of the bad guys on the long-running TV series Walker, Texas Ranger and in movies like Missing in Action.<\/p>\n
In 2005 or so, the internet \u2014 spurred on by Conan O’Brien’s late night show \u2014 started making jokes about Chuck, all with the same premise: Chuck is the world’s toughest badass.<\/p>\n
That brings us to 2025, when an 85-year-old Chuck posted this workout selfie, still looking like the lean, mean, fighting machine we all know and love.<\/p>\n
This, of course, inspired people to start sharing their best “Chuck Norris joke” in the comments, and I gotta admit, they had me laughing out loud in the DMV. Check ’em out:<\/p>\n
1.<\/p>\n
“When Chuck Norris went to college he told his dad, ‘You’re the man of the house now.'”<\/p>\n
2.<\/p>\n
“One day Chuck Norris told a woman to calm down, and she calmed down.”<\/p>\n
3.<\/p>\n
“When Chuck Norris was born the doctor said, ‘Congratulations! You have two healthy parents.'”<\/p>\n
4.<\/p>\n
“He took this photo with a payphone.”<\/p>\n
5.<\/p>\n
\u201cChuck Norris doesn\u2019t have to learn Spanish; Spanish has to learn Chuck Norris.\u201d \ud83d\udcaa<\/p>\n
6.<\/p>\n
“Chuck Norris once gave a horse an uppercut and now we have giraffes.”<\/p>\n
7.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen dawn is coming, the sun puts on sunglasses so Chuck Norris doesn\u2019t hurt its eyes.\u201d<\/p>\n
8.<\/p>\n
“I heard Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.”<\/p>\n
9.<\/p>\n
“Chuck once made a bet with Superman, the loser had to wear his underpants on the outside.”<\/p>\n
10.<\/p>\n
“Once a street was named after Chuck but after a minute it got its original name back because no one crosses Chuck Norris.”<\/p>\n
11.<\/p>\n
“You can’t see because it’s a photo but that bag in the background has been swinging for a week after he jabbed it.”<\/p>\n
12.<\/p>\n
“Chuck doesn’t lift weights…he pushes the earth down.”<\/p>\n
13.<\/p>\n
“Chuck Norris doesn’t buy sleeveless shirts. The sleeves fall off when they see him.”<\/p>\n
14.<\/p>\n
“No one took the picture, the camera took it out of fear.”<\/p>\n
15.<\/p>\n
And: “He counted to infinity. Twice.”<\/p>\n
And \u2014 what the hell \u2014 here are some more A+ Chuck Norris jokes from this Reddit thread<\/a>:<\/p>\n 16.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris once took a lie detector test. The machine confessed everything.”<\/p>\n \u2014Arch3r86<\/a><\/p>\n 17.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.”<\/p>\n \u2014Quikflipper<\/a><\/p>\n 18.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 21 people…then the grenade exploded.”<\/p>\n \u2014JonoMusicFl<\/a><\/p>\n 19.<\/p>\n “When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he already had three missed call from Chuck Norris.”<\/p>\n \u2014funkynasa<\/a><\/p>\n 20.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris can make onions cry.”<\/p>\n 21.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.”<\/p>\n \u2014deleted<\/a><\/p>\n 22.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris doesn’t have to flush the toilet. He scares the crap out of it.”<\/p>\n \u2014HolyToledo<\/a><\/p>\n 23.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris once killed two stones with one bird.”<\/p>\n \u2014djblockchainz<\/a><\/p>\n 24.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.”<\/p>\n \u2014newtonbase<\/a><\/p>\n 25.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris clogs toilets when he takes a piss.”<\/p>\n 26.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris goes to McDonald’s. He orders a Whopper. He gets it.”<\/p>\n \u2014Forward-Wish1602<\/a><\/p>\n 27.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris\u2019s tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.”<\/p>\n \u2014momsomniac<\/a><\/p>\n 28.<\/p>\n “Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.”<\/p>\n \u2014jjmoo3693<\/a><\/p>\n 29.<\/p>\n “When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders. There are only survivors.”<\/p>\n \u2014kratomboofer27<\/a><\/p>\n 30.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris is so tough he can slam a revolving door.”<\/p>\n 31.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.”<\/p>\n \u2014jd_swinger<\/a><\/p>\n 32.<\/p>\n “Ghosts sit around camp fires and tell Chuck Norris stories.”<\/p>\n \u2014MrDarwoo<\/a><\/p>\n 33.<\/p>\n “When Chuck Norris\u2019s parents had nightmares, they would come to his bedroom.”<\/p>\n \u2014Arch3r86<\/a><\/p>\n 34.<\/p>\n “Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim through land.”<\/p>\n \u2014MisterFives<\/a><\/p>\n 35.<\/p>\n “When Chuck Norris was a child at school, his teachers raised their hands in order to talk to him.”<\/p>\n 36.<\/p>\n “There is no such thing as natural selection, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.”<\/p>\n \u2014Obvious_Barnacle3770<\/a><\/p>\n 37.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.”<\/p>\n \u2014Arch3r86<\/a><\/p>\n 38.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.”<\/p>\n \u2014Coolmist23<\/a><\/p>\n 39.<\/p>\n “When Chuck Norris was born, he slapped the doctor.”<\/p>\n \u2014nazbot<\/a><\/p>\n 40.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris caught all the Pok\u00e9mon from a landline.”<\/p>\n 41.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris has a bear skin rug in his house. The bear is alive \u2014 it\u2019s just too scared to move.”<\/p>\n \u2014pcanelos<\/a><\/p>\n 42.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris has never lost a staring contest, including the time he challenged a statue.”<\/p>\n \u2014Absolutedisgrace<\/a><\/p>\n 43.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago. The reaper is just too scared to tell him.”<\/p>\n \u2014sweety-origin<\/a><\/p>\n 45.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris knows the other word for thesaurus.”<\/p>\n 46.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone.”<\/p>\n \u2014nightmareasault<\/a><\/p>\n 47.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris can make fire by rubbing together two pieces of ice.”<\/p>\n \u2014qa-lim<\/a><\/p>\n 48.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn. He dares it to grow.”<\/p>\n \u2014saberhaven<\/a><\/p>\n 49.<\/p>\n “Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steak.”<\/p>\n