{"id":447380,"date":"2026-02-01T15:07:07","date_gmt":"2026-02-01T15:07:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/447380\/"},"modified":"2026-02-01T15:07:07","modified_gmt":"2026-02-01T15:07:07","slug":"how-canadians-are-navigating-the-complicated-onerous-and-emotional-task-of-planning-for-aging","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/447380\/","title":{"rendered":"How Canadians are navigating the complicated, onerous and emotional task of planning for aging"},"content":{"rendered":"

Canada\u2019s population is rapidly aging<\/a>. The Globe and Mail\u2019s Aging Well<\/a> series explores the country\u2019s longevity economy, how people are living healthier and happier lives as they age, and how to support older adults.<\/p>\n

The house on the main street of the tiny village of Merrickville, Ont., was the seventh property that Charles Merredew toured. <\/p>\n

It had large, mature fruit trees. A cedar hedge out front that he could build a private patio behind. Plenty of green space. Plus, it was right beside the canal. <\/p>\n

\u201cThis house,\u201d he said, \u201cgave me a palette that I could work with.\u201d<\/p>\n

For most buyers, purchasing a home represents a new beginning. And for Mr. Merredew, choosing that house in Merrickville back in 2018 indeed represented a kind of fresh start. But for the now-64-year-old, it was the beginning of what he envisioned as his last chapter \u2013 the house he planned to grow old in.<\/p>\n

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Charles Merredew works on his home in December. To improve accessibility, he has so far installed a higher toilet and lower countertops.Kaja Tirrul\/The Globe and Mail<\/p>\n

His intention is to age in place, to spend the rest of his days here rather than a retirement residence. So, since moving in, he\u2019s taken down walls to make the space easier to navigate for his future, presumably frailer self. He installed a higher toilet and lower countertops. He\u2019s been attempting, quite literally, to design and build his own future. <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m trying,\u201d he said, \u201cto be pro-active rather than reactive.\u201d <\/p>\n

Across the country, families are undertaking their own versions of this project. Already, nearly one in five Canadians is over the age of 65, according to Statistics Canada. So from coast to coast, families of all shapes and sizes are navigating the complicated, onerous and, yes, emotionally fraught task of planning for aging. <\/p>\n

The Globe spoke with a few of these families to understand how Canadians are planning for their own futures. Theirs are stories of give-and-take, and compromise. Stories of autonomy \u2013 about learning where it\u2019s most important to have control, and where it\u2019s okay to let go.<\/p>\n

\u201cFamilies are complicated. We know that. And oftentimes folks don\u2019t like to talk about aging,\u201d said Audrey Miller, a former social worker and now an eldercare planner based in Toronto. \u201cWhat\u2019s right for one family isn\u2019t right for another.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cI wouldn\u2019t do very well in a retirement residence,\u201d says Mr. Merredew, at home with his cat, Free.Kaja Tirrul\/The Globe and Mail<\/p>\n

Mr. Merredew was still in his late 50s when he started shopping for his Merrickville home. He\u2019d already retired a few years earlier. But still, he acknowledges that it\u2019s likely uncommon for 50-somethings to already be planning for their final years.<\/p>\n

Much of Mr. Merredew\u2019s working life was spent in the Canadian military, and then, later, with the Corps of Commissionaires. That taught him rigour, and discipline \u2013 the need to always have a plan. <\/p>\n

He suffered injuries in his time with the military, which made him hyper-aware of his own physicality and his own vulnerability. He\u2019s also suffered several personal traumas. His daughter died in 2011. And in 2016, his wife died of cancer. He understands the inevitability of death, understands how little control any of us have in the last stages of life.<\/p>\n

So for him, it\u2019s important to plan early. \u201cThe idea of control,\u201d he said, \u201cresonates with me quite a bit.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s how he came up with his age-in-place plan. With his wife and daughter gone, he knows he doesn\u2019t have the same built-in support network that others might. And he doesn\u2019t like the idea of assisted living.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t do very well in a retirement residence,\u201d he said. \u201cPut it that way.\u201d <\/p>\n

Using a map, he drew a large circle of about a 120-kilometre diameter, with Ottawa at its centre. He wanted a home that allowed him to stay close to Ottawa, where he\u2019s lived for the past few decades \u2013 and also close to the Laurentian Valley, where his mom and sister live. Otherwise, he was open to any small town near the water, and within walking distance to a grocery store, a post office and doctor\u2019s offices. <\/p>\n

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Kaja Tirrul\/The Globe and Mail<\/p>\n

He\u2019s now in Year 6 of his renovations. Recently, Mr. Merredew said, he arranged for technicians to visit and provide quotes for an elevator system.<\/p>\n

The kinds of changes he\u2019s made are the ones that Ms. Miller advises to any of her clients choosing to age in place: considering accessibility \u2013 getting in and out of the house \u2013 ensuring good lighting, addressing potential tripping hazards, and installing accessories such as grab bars and hand-held shower heads.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s also built a community around him in Merrickville. He started a writers\u2019 group, and hosts a regular reading series in the town. He\u2019s found friends he can lean on.<\/p>\n

But lately, Mr. Merredew is finding that his work on the house is slowing down. He\u2019s getting tired more easily, and having to accept his own limitations \u2013 the limitations on how much he\u2019ll really be able to control. <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s the old serenity prayer,\u201d he said. He\u2019ll accept the things he cannot change, and change what things he can. \u201cAnd,\u201d he added, \u201chave the wisdom and the courage to know the difference.\u201d<\/p>\n

In the case of Shameem Walji\u2019s family, there was never a plan.<\/p>\n

About a decade ago, Ms. Walji\u2019s grandmother fell and had to be moved into a nursing home. Not long after, her dad had a stroke. He, too, moved into a nursing home.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, the Vancouver-based Ms. Walji, who was then just 30, found herself thrust into the role of caregiver, taking over much of the day-to-day planning for her elder relatives. She was doing their taxes, managing their banking and, of course, their health care. <\/p>\n

\u201cIt was almost like I had to take over somebody else\u2019s life,\u201d she said. <\/p>\n

Ms. Walji has two sisters, but they both have kids. She herself, meanwhile, does not have kids and runs an e-commerce business with her husband, which offers her a more flexible, work-from-home schedule. And so, much of the day-to-day responsibility falls on her.<\/p>\n

Many seniors want to age in place, but few are prepared for the financial and emotional costs<\/a><\/p>\n

Prior to all this happening, she said, theirs was a family that did not openly discuss aging. When her dad suffered his stroke, his will hadn\u2019t been updated in years. <\/p>\n

\u201cThey hadn\u2019t talked to us about all of this,\u201d she said. \u201cI feel like if we\u2019d had those chances to plan, we\u2019d have been in a way better scenario.\u201d<\/p>\n

About a year-and-a-half ago, Ms. Walji\u2019s mother (who was, until that point, living with one of Ms. Walji\u2019s sisters) also suffered a fall. So she, too, had to move into a nursing home.<\/p>\n

This time, at least, the family was better equipped. They had her documents in order, her power of attorney sorted. They had talked through her financial details \u2013 her risk tolerance for investments \u2013 and consolidated accounts where possible. They\u2019d discussed the parents\u2019 investment properties, and how they wanted Ms. Walji to manage them. <\/p>\n

\u201cThe more pro-active,\u201d she said, \u201cthe better.\u201d <\/p>\n

Still, there\u2019s another aspect of planning that the Walji family is still figuring out: dividing up the workload. Her sisters do as much as they can. Still, Ms. Walji estimates that \u2013 between dealing with her parents\u2019 day-to-day errands, taking her mom to medical appointments and managing their properties \u2013 she spends between one and two hours each day on caregiving.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s an issue that Ms. Miller says is common. Her advice for families is to ask for help, and to outsource whenever possible, even if it\u2019s just hiring a meal delivery service. <\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s so much guilt \u2013 we carry so much guilt,\u201d she said. \u201cAnd carers feel they need to do it all because it\u2019s all on their shoulders.\u201d<\/p>\n

Just as with Mr. Merredew, the idea of control comes up often with Ms. Walji\u2019s family. In their case, it\u2019s the older parents having to learn to give up a little bit of control, and Ms. Walji learning to step into that control. <\/p>\n

\u201cIt really boils down to what my parents want \u2013 despite what I may want for them,\u201d she said. \u201cUltimately, I want my parents to know they can trust me.\u201d<\/p>\n

She\u2019s also thinking ahead to her own future. She and her husband decided early on not to have children of their own. <\/p>\n

\u201cSo now I\u2019m thinking, like, \u2018Well, who\u2019s going to do all this for me when I get older?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Unsure how to talk to aging parents about managing their finances? Here\u2019s how to broach the topic<\/a><\/p>\n

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Tom Koch advised others on aging during his career as a gerontologist and writer. Now, at age 76, he \u201cgrudgingly\u201d acknowledges that the advice applies to him.Jimmy Jeong\/The Globe and Mail<\/p>\n

For decades, Tom Koch has been providing answers to families with questions exactly like that.<\/p>\n

Mr. Koch spent much of his career as a gerontologist and writer, specializing in eldercare and aging. It\u2019s work he began in the 1980s, while caring for his own father in the last years of his life. Mr. Koch wrote about that experience in the book Mirrored Lives: Aging Children and Elderly Parents. <\/p>\n

Today, Mr. Koch himself is 76. \u201cNow I find myself being the elder who has to take his own advice,\u201d he said. <\/p>\n

\u201cHave I taken it? Grudgingly, yes.\u201d<\/p>\n

The key advice he\u2019s always emphasized with families over the years mirrors that of Ms. Miller: to plan, plan and plan early. And to communicate those plans. Mr. Koch is not married. And, like Ms. Walji, he doesn\u2019t have kids. So his plans, and discussions about those plans, have been with other loved ones, including close friends and colleagues, a niece and some cousins. <\/p>\n

He talks openly with them about how he\u2019d like to see his last days play out, who has power of attorney, who he\u2019d like to see make medical decisions \u2013 and what he\u2019d like to see happen to his legacy.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t have to be rich for this,\u201d he said. Even if it\u2019s as simple as leaving behind a piece of furniture, or art, letting your loved ones in on the plan makes everything easier in the long term. <\/p>\n

\u201cThe more we talk and the more we accept the fact of fragility \u2013 and the need for change \u2013 the better off we and those we love will be,\u201d he said. <\/p>\n

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The changes Mr. Koch has made to ease his aging process include moving to a milder climate in Vancouver and taking up tai chi to replace his interest in karate and aikido.Jimmy Jeong\/The Globe and Mail<\/p>\n

For Mr. Koch, he made the decision four years ago to leave behind his two-storey home and life in Toronto for a ground-level condo in Vancouver. There, he figures the moderate climate, and the support network he\u2019s built up from working as a professor at the University of British Columbia, will make for a friendlier environment in which to age.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t want to leave,\u201d he said, \u201cbut I thought it was necessary for me to leave before it became absolutely necessary.\u201d<\/p>\n

As his health needs have changed, too, over the years, he\u2019s found ways to adapt. When his vision began failing, he stopped driving and rode the bus instead. He has spinal degenerative arthritis, which led him to start using a walker. He stopped cycling and sailing. <\/p>\n

\u201cWith each one of these steps, things I used to do, I had to give up,\u201d Mr. Koch said. \u201cEach one has been a hard loss.\u201d <\/p>\n

But just because life as he\u2019d lived it was ending, he emphasized, doesn\u2019t mean that life has ended. Instead, he said, \u201cyou have to find a way to live in a different way.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAging well,\u201d he said, \u201cis simply making the most of what you have, as long as you have it, and then accepting the changes as they come at any age.\u201d<\/p>\n

In Mr. Koch\u2019s case, one of the losses he had to grieve was giving up karate and aikido. But from there, he found a new opportunity \u2013 a new way of living. Now, he\u2019s taken up tai chi.<\/p>\n

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Mr. Merredew has found the process of renovating and designing his house to be more than the project he envisioned, with an element of almost artistic expression.Kaja Tirrul\/The Globe and Mail<\/p>\n

Over in Merrickville, Mr. Merredew, too, is still finding new opportunities.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d always wanted to build or renovate a house. But designing this house \u2013 designing his future in this house \u2013 has become so much more than just a project. It\u2019s given him the opportunity to take up dry stone wall construction \u2013 painstakingly fitting together stones, piece by piece, to build up walls around the house. He also figured out how to move about 25 tonnes of earth to finally build that front patio.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis house is giving me the opportunity to express myself,\u201d he said. \u201cIt\u2019s becoming like an artwork for me.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Canada\u2019s population is rapidly aging. The Globe and Mail\u2019s Aging Well series explores the country\u2019s longevity economy, how…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":447381,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[1397,49,48,45877,44,1399],"class_list":{"0":"post-447380","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-canada","8":"tag-appwebview","9":"tag-ca","10":"tag-canada","11":"tag-lc-g","12":"tag-news","13":"tag-nopolly"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/447380","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=447380"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/447380\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/447381"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=447380"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=447380"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=447380"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}